First of all....
Mozilla...What The Hell??? Tell me if this makes sense to you. My PC, stationary as it is, is where most of my work gets done. And even before I got Zippo (my laptop) I did everything on it. But for whatever reason - I think it's jealousy - lately, besides giving me a really hard time, it's doing really stupid things. Like Firefox working on everything but the lj post page. Yup, as soon as I hit it, I get a prompt that Mozilla's done something "illegal" and has to shut down. Every damn time! AH!
And that bit of rant is brought to you by my simple need to vent, being denied. TWICE.
Now, to the venting.
So...as you all know, I quit my job a few weeks ago. Those of you who know my mother, know that even though I'd given her warning months in advance, and even though I never intended to walk out, she's completely incapable of letting anyone have any time off, nor letting them actually enjoy it.
Yep. She's been in full on 'GET A JOB!' mode. Which I think is terribly unfair. As I said, I'm only taking off one month to recoup. Seriously, is it too damn much to ask to let me feel like a person again before I have to be walked all over?!
But, no, that is not the worst part.
What really pisses me off is that it gets in the way of my writing. Both fanfic and original. This is why I can't get anything done here! She doesn't ever let me feel calm. I can't be comfortable, I can't get lost in my work.
She only thinks my ability is a "gift" when she asks me to write a fucking letter for her goddamn job. That I do out of kindness and never get paid for. But any other time, for my entire fucking life it's "That's not going to get you anywhere." "It's a dead end job." etc, etc.
Then, she has the audacity to act like she supports me whenever someone says something about the quality of my work. Because, my entire life, whenever she got the fucking chance to gloat, THAT'S when she was in "Proud of my child" mode. And no, she's never told me she's "proud of me."
That's not how she works. No, EVERY GOD DAMN THING is not good enough, etc, etc. It's enough to make a person scream. She DOESN'T understand that writing is NOT EASY! It takes concentration and focus and a ton of support.
Because, no, I DON'T think my writing is top shit. I know I have a lot to learn and a lot to improve on. And nobody's FUCKING PERFECT!!
I am so sick and tired of her bullshit!
And all I want to do is write!
I don't want to hear any bitching about the sounds the keyboard makes. Or that the music needs to be turned down MORE when I can't even fucking hear it without concentrating. Or do I REALLY have to be up at all hours, and here and there and basically in her goddam way.
You're the one in MY way BITCH!
.............If I could just.....I just want to write.
I've even looked up jobs that maybe would make me happy. I've looked into going back to school. But, you know what? ALL I want to do is write!
Yes, it's virtually thankless. Yes, I'll be living on kool-aid and instant ramen. And all my spare money will be designated to research material, borderline bills and keeping me happy with personal purchases.
Is it so much, to want to be happy?
Really...because if it is...Somebody stop Reality. I want to get off.
And that bit of rant is brought to you by my simple need to vent, being denied. TWICE.
Now, to the venting.
So...as you all know, I quit my job a few weeks ago. Those of you who know my mother, know that even though I'd given her warning months in advance, and even though I never intended to walk out, she's completely incapable of letting anyone have any time off, nor letting them actually enjoy it.
Yep. She's been in full on 'GET A JOB!' mode. Which I think is terribly unfair. As I said, I'm only taking off one month to recoup. Seriously, is it too damn much to ask to let me feel like a person again before I have to be walked all over?!
But, no, that is not the worst part.
What really pisses me off is that it gets in the way of my writing. Both fanfic and original. This is why I can't get anything done here! She doesn't ever let me feel calm. I can't be comfortable, I can't get lost in my work.
She only thinks my ability is a "gift" when she asks me to write a fucking letter for her goddamn job. That I do out of kindness and never get paid for. But any other time, for my entire fucking life it's "That's not going to get you anywhere." "It's a dead end job." etc, etc.
Then, she has the audacity to act like she supports me whenever someone says something about the quality of my work. Because, my entire life, whenever she got the fucking chance to gloat, THAT'S when she was in "Proud of my child" mode. And no, she's never told me she's "proud of me."
That's not how she works. No, EVERY GOD DAMN THING is not good enough, etc, etc. It's enough to make a person scream. She DOESN'T understand that writing is NOT EASY! It takes concentration and focus and a ton of support.
Because, no, I DON'T think my writing is top shit. I know I have a lot to learn and a lot to improve on. And nobody's FUCKING PERFECT!!
I am so sick and tired of her bullshit!
And all I want to do is write!
I don't want to hear any bitching about the sounds the keyboard makes. Or that the music needs to be turned down MORE when I can't even fucking hear it without concentrating. Or do I REALLY have to be up at all hours, and here and there and basically in her goddam way.
You're the one in MY way BITCH!
.............If I could just.....I just want to write.
I've even looked up jobs that maybe would make me happy. I've looked into going back to school. But, you know what? ALL I want to do is write!
Yes, it's virtually thankless. Yes, I'll be living on kool-aid and instant ramen. And all my spare money will be designated to research material, borderline bills and keeping me happy with personal purchases.
Is it so much, to want to be happy?
Really...because if it is...Somebody stop Reality. I want to get off.