Once
Once
Sehun/Krystal; Minho/Krystal; Minho/Sulli
Romance/Angst; ~1,980w
Belated Happy birthday, Lynde! Sorry if this is late. Yana la ako naka- internet. Hihihih. Hope you like this <3
;
Soojung closes the book with a sigh. She thinks that it was, indeed, a good read just like what her dear friend Jinri had said. She was the one who recommended the book and even told her she cried chapter by chapter.
But Soojung tries to think if ever there was wrong with her, with her heart or with her emotion. (People say) It was a sad ending, for both of the main characters of the story, but Soojung did not cry a tear. Not even once.
Her opinion was different compared to the others, that the ending is not a sad thing people should cry over. It was death that separated the young couple because of cancer both had. It was an expected turn of event, in one way or another, someone will die because of it and it was just a matter of time that one of them would leave. Both know it and they even did the most out of it and spend each moment at the best they can.
She thinks that death is a natural occurrence, that everyone will have that same ending. She thinks that dying is pretty normal. And that there is no sense crying over with the death of a character.
“Augustus and Hazel did not have a sad ending. Both loved each other. They spent the remaining days together and I don’t see anything that is sad or to cry for about it. Dying is the default ending for everyone.” Soojung sends an e-mail to Jinri, who is probably at her ballet class by now (it is summer) teaching little girls to dance gracefully at the sound of music.
She pushes her back against her chair and plays with it, twirling in circles and rolling backward and forward again.
Soojung leans to the side, pouting and, thinks about the novel. She envies Hazel too much, she decides.
And she thinks that she likes that type of ending more than anything else.
;;
Soojung spends the rest of summer reading novels and writing and drinking. Most of the nights she sleeps peacefully with her favorite pajamas on (it’s going to be two years before she reaches thirty) after finishing novels written by her favorite author while there are nights she spends in a bar together with her drinking buddies, the same people she usually sees at her favorite bar, as she wakes up the next morning with few and very short memories of what happened while she was drunk, if fortunate, or even with no memory at all as to how she reached her home safely, without tripping (and having some scratches) because, it is a given fact that, Soojung trips a lot when she’s drunk.
But she never minds at all, she never asks her drinking buddies. As if they even care.
Her life turns out to be like that.
Soojung is woken up by a buzz at her door the next morning. Feeling a bit dizzy from last night’s party, she goes towards it and reaches for the knob.
“Hey, Krystal. Good morning.” Minho appears at her door; Soojung expects him.
“I… attended a party last night. I forgot….” She tells him her excuse (Soojung always has excuses, everyone knows it), drawing her hand in circles at the thin air between them and leads him in her flat.
“It is not a wonder Krystal is drunk the night before the first day of her second year in law school.” Minho teases, taking his seat, while Soojung just ignores, heading towards her bedroom, shutting her door close, and prepares herself for law school.
Soojung finally finishes up, wearing her old jeans and an oversized shirt with her hair tied in a messy bun like she is in her early twenties, free and unmindful. She rarely goes out without make- up on (as far as everyone is concerned, Soojung was an assistant manager of their family business before she decides to enter law school and she is expected to look professional as she really is) but as of the moment, Soojung feels like she’s still feeling ‘drunk’, her eyelids heavy and feels her stomach turning every second or so, and she thinks there is no point making yourself pretty when you feel ugly as hell inside.
“You don’t look like you were drunk at all.” Minho (always) compliments her.
Soojung grabs her bag by the door as a smile escapes from her lips. Minho follows behind.
She walks with Minho from her apartment and down towards the road. Minho talks about his favorite football team along the way; Soojung just nods, not understanding a thing about what her friend is saying, and steals glances at him, enjoying.
He talks about things she does not understand but Soojung never complains because she loves it when he’s talking.
After a block, both of them see Jinri patiently waiting in front of her doorstep, tracing imaginary things in the sky like a little kid (like she is not a Certified Public Accountant). Soojung sees her letting out a deep sigh before noticing them a few steps before her.
Jinri waves at the two of them, smiling so brightly at Minho.
Soojung knows that her best friend likes Minho ever since their freshmen orientation in law school but Soojung knows, too, that Minho likes her and not her best friend and she feels (guilty) for liking him back.
And this guilt is probably the only thing that keeps her from officially dating him.
“It was definitely a sad ending….” Jinri starts talking about the novel, complaining about Soojung’s weird understanding towards sad novels, while completely (unconsciously, since he’s never into novels) kicking Minho out of the conversation.
Soojung notices and just gives him a quick smile, sending him a message only the two of them understands, immediately returning her attention back to her best friend and defends herself like they are in court for trial.
;;;
Two months passed. At the night before their midterms written exam, the three of them stay to study together at their favorite café, reading handouts from their class, comparing notes, and studying thick books on their noses.
Soojung looks at her right after a sigh, taking a break from reading the History of Korean Politics to clear out a point that confuses her, and notices her friends asleep: Jinri at her right, her head resting on her books; Minho across her, his face over his arms.
She takes her coffee and drinks the last sip of it.
Soojung isn’t surprised when her phone tells her it is already four o’clock in the morning.
She is the type of person who can stay as late (or as early, Soojung smiles) as four in the morning to study. With just books and coffee, and friends at her side, Soojung surely can stay wide awake.
Minho wakes up, notices that Soojung is still up, and tells her to take some sleep.
Soojung nods and assures him she will.
Their exam is scheduled at one in the afternoon and Soojung decides to take a three or four- hour sleep before she gets back to do a quick review over the topics.
;;;;
Jinri walks two steps ahead of them, her hands clutching her skirt in nervousness. “If we’re not going to make it, I blame Minho for this.”, Jinri says over her shoulder.
Minho feels guilty for forcing the other two to join him watch a live coverage of a football game so he just stays silent for the time being. By twelve noon, the game finished and Jinri started to panic. They quickly ate their lunch, did some last minute study and headed to the university.
They reach Soojung’s assigned room (five minutes before the exam, Jinri checks). Jinri slows down, knowing Minho, while he and Soojung stops.
“Good luck, Krystal.” Minho tells her, reaching for the strand of hair that falls down her face and tucking it behind her ear for her.
Soojung smiles, “Thanks. Jinri is waiting.”
Minho squeezes her hand, Soojung just lets him, even though only couples do that and they are not even a couple (she can’t), because she likes it (him), and leaves a blushed Soojung at the door.
She likes it so much when he knows what to do to make her feel special.
Jinri suggests to go for a drink that afternoon after they took their exams. Minho thinks for a second but gave in in the end. Soojung immediately says yes with no hesitation (which made Minho laugh a bit).
The three decides to meet up later at seven so they split up. Minho and Soojung bid their goodbye at Jinri before making their turn towards their block (these two live in the same neighborhood).
But just before the streetlight goes green to signal them it is safe to cross the street, Soojung sees a familiar man across them.
“Sehun….” She whispers, Minho notices the longing in her voice.
The light goes green while Soojung’s breath tightens.
Minho taker her arm carefully as he guides her cross the street.
Soojung can feel nothing, can see nothing else but the image of the man (who moved to Tokyo, as far as she knows) in front of her. The man she almost speaks vows of forever to. The man she loved for almost six years. The man she turned down and left a scar on his heart.
She looks at him and remembers every bit of memory she had with him (like it’s even possible).
She remembers how he looks when he talks about things she doesn’t understand but never complains because she likes it when he talks.
She remembers how they exchange sweet looks and meaningful smiles only they can understand and no one else.
She remembers the little things he does that can make her feel special.
She remembers the memories they had shared in the past and realizes she misses him.
Her heart, Soojung thinks, skips a beat when they crossed each other.
Sehun does not look at her though Soojung hopes he can see her somehow.
Soojung hopes for him to stop his track and turn to see her, but Sehun did not.
“If he stops and turns his back….” Soojung whispers to herself, stopping as they reached the other end of the road.
She turns to see; the red light glows as buses and taxis rush past between the two of them.
She waits until the road is clear again.
But no one was there.
He was gone.
Sehun did not stop his track and turn his back to see her.
Soojung feels the heartbreak she once felt a few years back when she realizes she was wrong to let him go.
Sehun moved on.
Soojung, she thinks, did not.
Soojung realizes then that she lives like a ghost in the past few years, ever since they went to separate ways, only holding on to the memories of the past and not moving forward to create more memories in the future.
She realizes that she lives like a ghost that lived in memories and nothing else.
She realizes that she never moved on and instead tried to see things the way she used to see them in the past.
And she never noticed it until he saw him again.
“Are you alright?” Minho asks her, Soojung snaps back to reality.
She looks at him and feels sorry (and guilty), realizing that learning to love Minho (and finally moving on from her past relationship with Sehun) was just an illusion because (Soojung never wants to admit it herself) what she sees in him is Sehun and not him, because somewhere inside of her, Soojung was still hoping for Sehun.
“People only die once, right?” Soojung asks, almost crying.
Because Soojung’s heart died once and she lived like a ghost since then.
Sehun/Krystal; Minho/Krystal; Minho/Sulli
Romance/Angst; ~1,980w
Belated Happy birthday, Lynde! Sorry if this is late. Yana la ako naka- internet. Hihihih. Hope you like this <3
;
Soojung closes the book with a sigh. She thinks that it was, indeed, a good read just like what her dear friend Jinri had said. She was the one who recommended the book and even told her she cried chapter by chapter.
But Soojung tries to think if ever there was wrong with her, with her heart or with her emotion. (People say) It was a sad ending, for both of the main characters of the story, but Soojung did not cry a tear. Not even once.
Her opinion was different compared to the others, that the ending is not a sad thing people should cry over. It was death that separated the young couple because of cancer both had. It was an expected turn of event, in one way or another, someone will die because of it and it was just a matter of time that one of them would leave. Both know it and they even did the most out of it and spend each moment at the best they can.
She thinks that death is a natural occurrence, that everyone will have that same ending. She thinks that dying is pretty normal. And that there is no sense crying over with the death of a character.
“Augustus and Hazel did not have a sad ending. Both loved each other. They spent the remaining days together and I don’t see anything that is sad or to cry for about it. Dying is the default ending for everyone.” Soojung sends an e-mail to Jinri, who is probably at her ballet class by now (it is summer) teaching little girls to dance gracefully at the sound of music.
She pushes her back against her chair and plays with it, twirling in circles and rolling backward and forward again.
Soojung leans to the side, pouting and, thinks about the novel. She envies Hazel too much, she decides.
And she thinks that she likes that type of ending more than anything else.
;;
Soojung spends the rest of summer reading novels and writing and drinking. Most of the nights she sleeps peacefully with her favorite pajamas on (it’s going to be two years before she reaches thirty) after finishing novels written by her favorite author while there are nights she spends in a bar together with her drinking buddies, the same people she usually sees at her favorite bar, as she wakes up the next morning with few and very short memories of what happened while she was drunk, if fortunate, or even with no memory at all as to how she reached her home safely, without tripping (and having some scratches) because, it is a given fact that, Soojung trips a lot when she’s drunk.
But she never minds at all, she never asks her drinking buddies. As if they even care.
Her life turns out to be like that.
Soojung is woken up by a buzz at her door the next morning. Feeling a bit dizzy from last night’s party, she goes towards it and reaches for the knob.
“Hey, Krystal. Good morning.” Minho appears at her door; Soojung expects him.
“I… attended a party last night. I forgot….” She tells him her excuse (Soojung always has excuses, everyone knows it), drawing her hand in circles at the thin air between them and leads him in her flat.
“It is not a wonder Krystal is drunk the night before the first day of her second year in law school.” Minho teases, taking his seat, while Soojung just ignores, heading towards her bedroom, shutting her door close, and prepares herself for law school.
Soojung finally finishes up, wearing her old jeans and an oversized shirt with her hair tied in a messy bun like she is in her early twenties, free and unmindful. She rarely goes out without make- up on (as far as everyone is concerned, Soojung was an assistant manager of their family business before she decides to enter law school and she is expected to look professional as she really is) but as of the moment, Soojung feels like she’s still feeling ‘drunk’, her eyelids heavy and feels her stomach turning every second or so, and she thinks there is no point making yourself pretty when you feel ugly as hell inside.
“You don’t look like you were drunk at all.” Minho (always) compliments her.
Soojung grabs her bag by the door as a smile escapes from her lips. Minho follows behind.
She walks with Minho from her apartment and down towards the road. Minho talks about his favorite football team along the way; Soojung just nods, not understanding a thing about what her friend is saying, and steals glances at him, enjoying.
He talks about things she does not understand but Soojung never complains because she loves it when he’s talking.
After a block, both of them see Jinri patiently waiting in front of her doorstep, tracing imaginary things in the sky like a little kid (like she is not a Certified Public Accountant). Soojung sees her letting out a deep sigh before noticing them a few steps before her.
Jinri waves at the two of them, smiling so brightly at Minho.
Soojung knows that her best friend likes Minho ever since their freshmen orientation in law school but Soojung knows, too, that Minho likes her and not her best friend and she feels (guilty) for liking him back.
And this guilt is probably the only thing that keeps her from officially dating him.
“It was definitely a sad ending….” Jinri starts talking about the novel, complaining about Soojung’s weird understanding towards sad novels, while completely (unconsciously, since he’s never into novels) kicking Minho out of the conversation.
Soojung notices and just gives him a quick smile, sending him a message only the two of them understands, immediately returning her attention back to her best friend and defends herself like they are in court for trial.
;;;
Two months passed. At the night before their midterms written exam, the three of them stay to study together at their favorite café, reading handouts from their class, comparing notes, and studying thick books on their noses.
Soojung looks at her right after a sigh, taking a break from reading the History of Korean Politics to clear out a point that confuses her, and notices her friends asleep: Jinri at her right, her head resting on her books; Minho across her, his face over his arms.
She takes her coffee and drinks the last sip of it.
Soojung isn’t surprised when her phone tells her it is already four o’clock in the morning.
She is the type of person who can stay as late (or as early, Soojung smiles) as four in the morning to study. With just books and coffee, and friends at her side, Soojung surely can stay wide awake.
Minho wakes up, notices that Soojung is still up, and tells her to take some sleep.
Soojung nods and assures him she will.
Their exam is scheduled at one in the afternoon and Soojung decides to take a three or four- hour sleep before she gets back to do a quick review over the topics.
;;;;
Jinri walks two steps ahead of them, her hands clutching her skirt in nervousness. “If we’re not going to make it, I blame Minho for this.”, Jinri says over her shoulder.
Minho feels guilty for forcing the other two to join him watch a live coverage of a football game so he just stays silent for the time being. By twelve noon, the game finished and Jinri started to panic. They quickly ate their lunch, did some last minute study and headed to the university.
They reach Soojung’s assigned room (five minutes before the exam, Jinri checks). Jinri slows down, knowing Minho, while he and Soojung stops.
“Good luck, Krystal.” Minho tells her, reaching for the strand of hair that falls down her face and tucking it behind her ear for her.
Soojung smiles, “Thanks. Jinri is waiting.”
Minho squeezes her hand, Soojung just lets him, even though only couples do that and they are not even a couple (she can’t), because she likes it (him), and leaves a blushed Soojung at the door.
She likes it so much when he knows what to do to make her feel special.
Jinri suggests to go for a drink that afternoon after they took their exams. Minho thinks for a second but gave in in the end. Soojung immediately says yes with no hesitation (which made Minho laugh a bit).
The three decides to meet up later at seven so they split up. Minho and Soojung bid their goodbye at Jinri before making their turn towards their block (these two live in the same neighborhood).
But just before the streetlight goes green to signal them it is safe to cross the street, Soojung sees a familiar man across them.
“Sehun….” She whispers, Minho notices the longing in her voice.
The light goes green while Soojung’s breath tightens.
Minho taker her arm carefully as he guides her cross the street.
Soojung can feel nothing, can see nothing else but the image of the man (who moved to Tokyo, as far as she knows) in front of her. The man she almost speaks vows of forever to. The man she loved for almost six years. The man she turned down and left a scar on his heart.
She looks at him and remembers every bit of memory she had with him (like it’s even possible).
She remembers how he looks when he talks about things she doesn’t understand but never complains because she likes it when he talks.
She remembers how they exchange sweet looks and meaningful smiles only they can understand and no one else.
She remembers the little things he does that can make her feel special.
She remembers the memories they had shared in the past and realizes she misses him.
Her heart, Soojung thinks, skips a beat when they crossed each other.
Sehun does not look at her though Soojung hopes he can see her somehow.
Soojung hopes for him to stop his track and turn to see her, but Sehun did not.
“If he stops and turns his back….” Soojung whispers to herself, stopping as they reached the other end of the road.
She turns to see; the red light glows as buses and taxis rush past between the two of them.
She waits until the road is clear again.
But no one was there.
He was gone.
Sehun did not stop his track and turn his back to see her.
Soojung feels the heartbreak she once felt a few years back when she realizes she was wrong to let him go.
Sehun moved on.
Soojung, she thinks, did not.
Soojung realizes then that she lives like a ghost in the past few years, ever since they went to separate ways, only holding on to the memories of the past and not moving forward to create more memories in the future.
She realizes that she lives like a ghost that lived in memories and nothing else.
She realizes that she never moved on and instead tried to see things the way she used to see them in the past.
And she never noticed it until he saw him again.
“Are you alright?” Minho asks her, Soojung snaps back to reality.
She looks at him and feels sorry (and guilty), realizing that learning to love Minho (and finally moving on from her past relationship with Sehun) was just an illusion because (Soojung never wants to admit it herself) what she sees in him is Sehun and not him, because somewhere inside of her, Soojung was still hoping for Sehun.
“People only die once, right?” Soojung asks, almost crying.
Because Soojung’s heart died once and she lived like a ghost since then.