in the middle of nowhere
Faded
Chanyeol/Jiyeon
Romance- Hurt, AU, PG- 13, ~1,739w
It is so hard to even just look at him. He is lying on his bed comfortably, like an ordinary guy. I can’t help but to feel sad. Out of all the people in this world, why him? I always ask myself this and can’t find an answer. There is no plausible reason why it should be him. He’s a happy man-one that always smiles out of nothing, laughing so hard that can also make you feel brighter. He’s the most wonderful person-one that can bring happiness to everyone. But why is life so cruel to give him such disorder?
A tear falls from my eyes again. No matter how I try on convincing everyone that I’m fine, I’m pretty sure I’ll never be.
“Why are you crying?”
I look up and see his eyes staring back at me. The usual stare that he gives, the stare that tries to feel normal despite everything. He knows his state and he’s very cautious not to hurt anyone. That is why he always tries. Every single day.
“Did I wake you up, Chanyeol-ah?” I immediately wipe my tear and put on a friendly smile.
“Hmm..no.” he answers me boringly, standing up from his bed and heads for the comfort room.
He is still the same. He is still the Chanyeol I know.
“You should put this on.” I tell him, holding out his jacket for him. “It’s cold outside.”
“Oh, sure.”
I help him with his jacket as I can feel his stare at me. He’s probably wondering who I am, why I was at his bedside as he woke up or why I was still here, waiting for him to get dressed-up. But Chanyeol does not ask (yet) again. This is what he usually does, and I’m fine with it anyway.
“Thanks.” He whispers and I smile. And I just know he’s saying thanks for staying.
“Where exactly are we going?” he asks suddenly as both of us are walking down our steps.
“Hmm. To your favorite place.”
“Oh, my favorite place.”
Then, he grabs my hand lightly and I can feel him smile. “Jiyeon, isn’t it?”
My heart suddenly tightens at his word- “I’ve seen your name all over the mirror in the comfort room.”
“Oh.” I thought you remembered.
The playground feels so nice-the sight of the snow starting to cover the trees, the swings, the monkey bars and all those childish things. Both of us walk towards it as memories of us starts to play in my head though I force myself to throw those thoughts away.
“I would always bring you here. Every day.” I tell him, sighing. “Is there anything?”
I always ask the same things every time we come here-hoping that someday he would remember. No matter how long it is (even if it will take me a lifetime, or forever), I will never give up. I will never leave. I will always be right beside him.
He shakes his head sadly. “I’m sorry.”
“Yah, where exactly are we going? I’m already tired walking.” Jiyeon complained as she put both of her arms in front of her.
“To my favorite place.” Chanyeol just smiled at her over his shoulder. “Want to have a piggy back ride?”
Jiyeon laughed at the idea. “But I’m already twenty years old for goodness sake. I’m not gonna do such silly thing-yah, put me down!”
“But you just told me you’re tired from walking, my princess.” He told her.
“But I’m heavy, you’re just tiring yourself.” Jiyeon told him, resting her head on his shoulder.
“You’re not that heavy, you know.” Chanyeol chuckled.
“Hey, what is that supposed to mean? And why the hell are you laughing?” Jiyeon asked him playfully.
Chanyeol sighs, “What am I supposed to remember?”
“Hmm..”
“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell. I understand.” I can feel how it hurts on your part.
They arrived at the place and Jiyeon immediately went for a swing.
“Cool. It has been so long since I have been here. I used to play here when I was younger, you know.” Jiyeon told him as she took a swing.
“I know.” He said, taking the other swing.
“You know?”
“I know. I have first seen you here. On that particular swing, to be exact.” He told her, earning a sweet smile on his face.
“Oh, really?”
“Yes. And I don’t know how but you fell… from the swing. I tried to help you up but immediately ran away when you looked at me. You were really pretty back then.” He confessed, looking at anything but her direction.
“Hmm.. I think I remember something like that, yes… you were shy.”
“but I’m not usually shy with other people, you know.”
“I know.”
“This place is where we first met.” I tell him, smiling at my best to keep the sadness in me as I speak the words.
“Oh, it clearly defines how I feel at the moment.” Chanyeol whispers, looking more at the surrounding. “It sucks how I forget all of my memories.”
I stop for a moment or two, looking at him, as I remember everything (especially the feeling).
“Yeah, it really sucks.” I sniff.
A tear finally falls from eye but I immediately blink them away.
“I love you, Jiyeon.” Chanyeol whispered on her ear suddenly in the middle of their Music class, their teacher busy playing some piece on the piano as the class sang along.
“Yah,” she nudged him with her elbows as she tried to shove him away, “I love you more, though.”
Both of us sit by the seaside with chips and some drinks on their hands. There is silence between us but it feels comfortable-even when one doesn’t say a thing.
It is better this way, I think. It’s going to be easier for him.
“I love watching sunsets.” Chanyeol breaks the silence, trying to guess the things he used to love.
“Right. Six points for you.” I tell him. He’s good at this game-he’s so good at remembering the feeling, at least.
“Hmm. But I love it more when I’m watching it with you.” Chanyeol adds and I swear I can feel him smiling so widely.
I look at him and smiles, feeling contented and hopeful. This is one of the reasons why I never give up-because of him. He gives me hope.
“Another point for you.”
Chanyeol watched her from afar. She was pretty, that was what he thought, like an angel. But she was real because she was smiling.
The girl, probably also at his age, looked at his direction for a split second and after that she fell. He didn’t know how but she just did.
Chanyeol immediately ran towards her direction to help her up.
“Ouch..” He heard her complain with her sweet voice.
He picked her up as his skin nervously brushed against hers. He could feel his blood rushing towards his cheeks at the contact. He didn’t how because it just did. He was just sixteen years old to feel such thing. He didn’t even know it was possible.
His heart even pounded more when she looked into his eyes. And for a few moments, he felt like the world had stopped or had gone slow motion. He felt like everything gone mute and all he could ever hear was her voice, asking something… his name?
He panicked. He got nervous, embarrassed even.
So he immediately ran away after helping her up, said nothing and just left her alone.
His heart, he knew it himself it was still in the right place, but for sure, it only beats for one reason now.
“It’s getting late. You should sleep now, Chanyeol-ah.” I tell him, brushing his hair away from his face.
We sit together in his bed. It has been a long day for both of us-for him, since I always do these things every day and it sort of became a part of my daily routine.
Chanyeol shakes his head slowly, still staring at me.
“I just want to stay like this forever… with you.” If only we could, Chanyeol. I’d be happy to do the same.
I give him an encouraging smile, “Don’t worry, I’ll never leave you.”
“I know.” He answers immediately, but his eyebrows start to meet each other to form a line. “But.. but it’s too much for you. I’m going to forget everything tomorrow, right?”
“Hmm..” I try to speak a word but I can’t. This is going to be a goodbye. And it hurts like hell, everyday it hurts like hell.
“That’s why I don’t want to go to sleep, Jiyeon. It sucks.”
“But you’re already tired. You must…” Being not able to hold them any longer, tears start to fall from my eyes. “get some sleep now.”
“But it’s more tiring for you, Jiyeon.” Chanyeol tells me as he reaches for my face, softly wiping the tears in my eyes.
I look at his eyes and see inside him. It’s true that he lost all of his memories but how is it possible for his heart not to forget all of the feelings? I’m thankful though. He might have forgotten the things that we used to do and all of the memories that we have created but at least, his heart does not forget the feeling.
It makes me feel like crying more.
“I’m not tired, you know. Never.” I tell him honestly with all of my heart. At the end of the day I would always tell him this and I know it’ll never change.
My love for him will never change that’s for sure.
Chanyeol sighs heavily as he places my head on his shoulder, “I realized that memories aren’t that special, you know. Love isn’t something your mind knows of anyway. It’s the heart. And as long as my heart is beating, I’ll know immediately how much I love you, Jiyeon. I love you so much. I want you to know that.”
“I know, Chanyeol. I know. And I love you so much, too.”
He’ll forget everything by the moment he opens his eyes tomorrow morning, I know, but his heart… his heart won’t ever forget the feelings. And this is what that keeps me from giving up. It has already been a year of being like this, but I know that someday… someday everything will be right.
Wedding Day
Kibum/Yoona (Changmin/Yoona)
Romance- Hurt, AU, PG- 13, ~1,139w
Twenty four minutes and eleven seconds.
Yoona takes a quick glance behind the door. Her family and relatives are happily hugging each other, exchanging handshakes and kisses. She can even see her favorite aunt still from Canada smiling ever so brightly at her mum. Today is special. And it’s not just because it had become a little reunion for the Im clan but because the daughter of a popular law firm in Seoul is finally going to be married to a young gentleman from the North.
Everyone Yoona had known is present. Her old friends from high school and even way back from elementary are seated at the back, enjoying themselves with fun stories and memories from the past.
No one has seemed to be impatient, Yoona thinks. Even when the groom is already twenty six minutes and two seconds late.
She sighs. I’m just being so excited.
Forty three minutes and twenty seven seconds.
Yoona looks at the empty road in front of her as she tries to entertain herself with the little flowergirls that surround her. Pretty flowers are neatly placed inside a colored basket in their hands ready to shower on the bride (which supposedly was forty four minutes and five seconds ago).
She feels a soft hand tugging her white gown behind her and it finally snaps her back from reality.
“When are we going to throw these petals at you, unnie? Can we throw them now?”
Yoona bends down to look the little flower girl closely with a forced smile on her face, with much effort not to cry a tear in front of the young girl, “Soon. You can shower me with much petals as you like later, okay? A little more time and it’ll finally start… A little more time.”
One hour and fifteen minutes and thirty two seconds.
“Yoona.”
She turns around to see her best friend, Yuri, and she immediately hugs her.
“They’re probably stuck in a traffic… somewhere.” Yoona tells her (self), her voice slightly wavering and her eyes starting to threaten with incoming tears again.
One hour and fifty eight minutes and seven seconds.
Yuri wraps her arm around her waist as both girls wait for him to arrive. The little girls in front of them are already starting to throw mini- tantrums and Suji, the oldest among all of them, starts to take in charge.
The door opens behind them and Changmin, the best man, appears in front of them.
“The visitors are starting to get impatient. I tried to call Kibum for a lot of times now but he would not answer his phone.” Changmin tells them.
Yuri turns to face him and gives him a meaningful look.
Yoona stands frozen between them, her eyes staring at the thin air in front of her-almost half- listening and not minding with what was happening around her.
Changmin reaches for her hand and squeezes it softly.
“Be strong, Yoona.”
Two hours and ten minutes and six seconds.
Yoona, Changmin and Yuri sit on the Church’s entrance steps as they still wait for the groom. Some of their friends and even the relatives will come by and Yuri takes in charge and saves Yoon from answering the obvious questions.
Changmin and Yuri stay at her side because they knew there is something.
Yuri holds Yoona’s arm while cracking some of her lame jokes to make Yoona laugh. Yoona manages to laugh at Yuri’s jokes and they would laugh together with Changmin and it would last for a few seconds or so, but Changmin notices how Yoona’s laugh would end with such pain, with such acceptance.
Changmin notices how Yoona was trying her best not to break in front of them.
Changmin notices how Yoona was trying her best not to give up even though she knew deep inside her that he’s not coming anymore.
All of them know.
But even though two hours and fourteen minutes and twenty two seconds has already passed, they still wait.
Two hours and thirty three minutes and four seconds.
Seohyun comes to them with Yoona’s phone in her hand rushing and almost half- running.
“Unnie, it’s him.” Seohyun tells her with a worried knew and that is because she also knows.
Yoona accepts the phone and freezes for a split second before she puts the phone near her ear and listens.
“Yoona…” he’s crying or is it a was? She did not care that much. “I…”
“Hey, they’re all waiting now. You better hurry.” Yoona talks animatedly as she tries herself to sound cheerful-like she did not know that it is happening.
“It’s not going to happen, Yoona.”
Silence.
“I’m sorry.”
Two hours and forty minutes and sixteen seconds.
One by one (or is it by group? Yoona didn’t notice) the visitors and everyone else start to get out of the church. It is all happening in slow motion for Yoona and it pains her heart a little (No, a lot. Actually.).
They are all disappointed, Yoona notices. She is disappointed, too (more than that, she thinks to herself).
“Yoona, are you okay?” Yuri asks her in a low voice.
“Of course, she’s not.” Yoona hears Changmin in the background.
Then comes silence among the three.
A pack of people are still coming out of the church and inwardly, Yoona starts to become impatient. She is already so tired of putting up a smiling face despite what is happening (happened).
“I just want everyone gone.” Yoona finally whispers and both Changmin and Yuri know it includes the two of them.
Changmin pats her head softly and kisses it afterwards.
“Be strong.” He whispers. Again?
“I’m trying, Changmin.” Yoona tells him, biting her lips to stop the tears, as she looks in his eyes.
And that was what Changmin and Yuri was worried about.
Yoona has not cried a tear and they think it’s not helping her to become strong because they knew she’s already hurting so much.
Four hours and seven minutes and thirteen seconds.
“We can walk you home, Yoon.”
“Thanks but I’ll spend time with myself first.”
The snow starts to fall down from the sky when Yoona walks along the street of Seoul still with her wedding dress. She pulls her gown as she takes every step and leaves some traces behind her.
He likes it when it snows.
After a long time of holding everything in in front of everyone, a tear finally finds its way out of her eyes. Her heart then starts to shatter into pieces. Even she can hear it breaking.
And it takes four hours and seven minutes and forty seven seconds for her heart to finally feel the pain.
And it takes four hours and seven minutes and forty seven seconds for her to finally realize he’s not coming back for her.
Chanyeol/Jiyeon
Romance- Hurt, AU, PG- 13, ~1,739w
It is so hard to even just look at him. He is lying on his bed comfortably, like an ordinary guy. I can’t help but to feel sad. Out of all the people in this world, why him? I always ask myself this and can’t find an answer. There is no plausible reason why it should be him. He’s a happy man-one that always smiles out of nothing, laughing so hard that can also make you feel brighter. He’s the most wonderful person-one that can bring happiness to everyone. But why is life so cruel to give him such disorder?
A tear falls from my eyes again. No matter how I try on convincing everyone that I’m fine, I’m pretty sure I’ll never be.
“Why are you crying?”
I look up and see his eyes staring back at me. The usual stare that he gives, the stare that tries to feel normal despite everything. He knows his state and he’s very cautious not to hurt anyone. That is why he always tries. Every single day.
“Did I wake you up, Chanyeol-ah?” I immediately wipe my tear and put on a friendly smile.
“Hmm..no.” he answers me boringly, standing up from his bed and heads for the comfort room.
He is still the same. He is still the Chanyeol I know.
“You should put this on.” I tell him, holding out his jacket for him. “It’s cold outside.”
“Oh, sure.”
I help him with his jacket as I can feel his stare at me. He’s probably wondering who I am, why I was at his bedside as he woke up or why I was still here, waiting for him to get dressed-up. But Chanyeol does not ask (yet) again. This is what he usually does, and I’m fine with it anyway.
“Thanks.” He whispers and I smile. And I just know he’s saying thanks for staying.
“Where exactly are we going?” he asks suddenly as both of us are walking down our steps.
“Hmm. To your favorite place.”
“Oh, my favorite place.”
Then, he grabs my hand lightly and I can feel him smile. “Jiyeon, isn’t it?”
My heart suddenly tightens at his word- “I’ve seen your name all over the mirror in the comfort room.”
“Oh.” I thought you remembered.
The playground feels so nice-the sight of the snow starting to cover the trees, the swings, the monkey bars and all those childish things. Both of us walk towards it as memories of us starts to play in my head though I force myself to throw those thoughts away.
“I would always bring you here. Every day.” I tell him, sighing. “Is there anything?”
I always ask the same things every time we come here-hoping that someday he would remember. No matter how long it is (even if it will take me a lifetime, or forever), I will never give up. I will never leave. I will always be right beside him.
He shakes his head sadly. “I’m sorry.”
“Yah, where exactly are we going? I’m already tired walking.” Jiyeon complained as she put both of her arms in front of her.
“To my favorite place.” Chanyeol just smiled at her over his shoulder. “Want to have a piggy back ride?”
Jiyeon laughed at the idea. “But I’m already twenty years old for goodness sake. I’m not gonna do such silly thing-yah, put me down!”
“But you just told me you’re tired from walking, my princess.” He told her.
“But I’m heavy, you’re just tiring yourself.” Jiyeon told him, resting her head on his shoulder.
“You’re not that heavy, you know.” Chanyeol chuckled.
“Hey, what is that supposed to mean? And why the hell are you laughing?” Jiyeon asked him playfully.
Chanyeol sighs, “What am I supposed to remember?”
“Hmm..”
“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell. I understand.” I can feel how it hurts on your part.
They arrived at the place and Jiyeon immediately went for a swing.
“Cool. It has been so long since I have been here. I used to play here when I was younger, you know.” Jiyeon told him as she took a swing.
“I know.” He said, taking the other swing.
“You know?”
“I know. I have first seen you here. On that particular swing, to be exact.” He told her, earning a sweet smile on his face.
“Oh, really?”
“Yes. And I don’t know how but you fell… from the swing. I tried to help you up but immediately ran away when you looked at me. You were really pretty back then.” He confessed, looking at anything but her direction.
“Hmm.. I think I remember something like that, yes… you were shy.”
“but I’m not usually shy with other people, you know.”
“I know.”
“This place is where we first met.” I tell him, smiling at my best to keep the sadness in me as I speak the words.
“Oh, it clearly defines how I feel at the moment.” Chanyeol whispers, looking more at the surrounding. “It sucks how I forget all of my memories.”
I stop for a moment or two, looking at him, as I remember everything (especially the feeling).
“Yeah, it really sucks.” I sniff.
A tear finally falls from eye but I immediately blink them away.
“I love you, Jiyeon.” Chanyeol whispered on her ear suddenly in the middle of their Music class, their teacher busy playing some piece on the piano as the class sang along.
“Yah,” she nudged him with her elbows as she tried to shove him away, “I love you more, though.”
Both of us sit by the seaside with chips and some drinks on their hands. There is silence between us but it feels comfortable-even when one doesn’t say a thing.
It is better this way, I think. It’s going to be easier for him.
“I love watching sunsets.” Chanyeol breaks the silence, trying to guess the things he used to love.
“Right. Six points for you.” I tell him. He’s good at this game-he’s so good at remembering the feeling, at least.
“Hmm. But I love it more when I’m watching it with you.” Chanyeol adds and I swear I can feel him smiling so widely.
I look at him and smiles, feeling contented and hopeful. This is one of the reasons why I never give up-because of him. He gives me hope.
“Another point for you.”
Chanyeol watched her from afar. She was pretty, that was what he thought, like an angel. But she was real because she was smiling.
The girl, probably also at his age, looked at his direction for a split second and after that she fell. He didn’t know how but she just did.
Chanyeol immediately ran towards her direction to help her up.
“Ouch..” He heard her complain with her sweet voice.
He picked her up as his skin nervously brushed against hers. He could feel his blood rushing towards his cheeks at the contact. He didn’t how because it just did. He was just sixteen years old to feel such thing. He didn’t even know it was possible.
His heart even pounded more when she looked into his eyes. And for a few moments, he felt like the world had stopped or had gone slow motion. He felt like everything gone mute and all he could ever hear was her voice, asking something… his name?
He panicked. He got nervous, embarrassed even.
So he immediately ran away after helping her up, said nothing and just left her alone.
His heart, he knew it himself it was still in the right place, but for sure, it only beats for one reason now.
“It’s getting late. You should sleep now, Chanyeol-ah.” I tell him, brushing his hair away from his face.
We sit together in his bed. It has been a long day for both of us-for him, since I always do these things every day and it sort of became a part of my daily routine.
Chanyeol shakes his head slowly, still staring at me.
“I just want to stay like this forever… with you.” If only we could, Chanyeol. I’d be happy to do the same.
I give him an encouraging smile, “Don’t worry, I’ll never leave you.”
“I know.” He answers immediately, but his eyebrows start to meet each other to form a line. “But.. but it’s too much for you. I’m going to forget everything tomorrow, right?”
“Hmm..” I try to speak a word but I can’t. This is going to be a goodbye. And it hurts like hell, everyday it hurts like hell.
“That’s why I don’t want to go to sleep, Jiyeon. It sucks.”
“But you’re already tired. You must…” Being not able to hold them any longer, tears start to fall from my eyes. “get some sleep now.”
“But it’s more tiring for you, Jiyeon.” Chanyeol tells me as he reaches for my face, softly wiping the tears in my eyes.
I look at his eyes and see inside him. It’s true that he lost all of his memories but how is it possible for his heart not to forget all of the feelings? I’m thankful though. He might have forgotten the things that we used to do and all of the memories that we have created but at least, his heart does not forget the feeling.
It makes me feel like crying more.
“I’m not tired, you know. Never.” I tell him honestly with all of my heart. At the end of the day I would always tell him this and I know it’ll never change.
My love for him will never change that’s for sure.
Chanyeol sighs heavily as he places my head on his shoulder, “I realized that memories aren’t that special, you know. Love isn’t something your mind knows of anyway. It’s the heart. And as long as my heart is beating, I’ll know immediately how much I love you, Jiyeon. I love you so much. I want you to know that.”
“I know, Chanyeol. I know. And I love you so much, too.”
He’ll forget everything by the moment he opens his eyes tomorrow morning, I know, but his heart… his heart won’t ever forget the feelings. And this is what that keeps me from giving up. It has already been a year of being like this, but I know that someday… someday everything will be right.
Wedding Day
Kibum/Yoona (Changmin/Yoona)
Romance- Hurt, AU, PG- 13, ~1,139w
Twenty four minutes and eleven seconds.
Yoona takes a quick glance behind the door. Her family and relatives are happily hugging each other, exchanging handshakes and kisses. She can even see her favorite aunt still from Canada smiling ever so brightly at her mum. Today is special. And it’s not just because it had become a little reunion for the Im clan but because the daughter of a popular law firm in Seoul is finally going to be married to a young gentleman from the North.
Everyone Yoona had known is present. Her old friends from high school and even way back from elementary are seated at the back, enjoying themselves with fun stories and memories from the past.
No one has seemed to be impatient, Yoona thinks. Even when the groom is already twenty six minutes and two seconds late.
She sighs. I’m just being so excited.
Forty three minutes and twenty seven seconds.
Yoona looks at the empty road in front of her as she tries to entertain herself with the little flowergirls that surround her. Pretty flowers are neatly placed inside a colored basket in their hands ready to shower on the bride (which supposedly was forty four minutes and five seconds ago).
She feels a soft hand tugging her white gown behind her and it finally snaps her back from reality.
“When are we going to throw these petals at you, unnie? Can we throw them now?”
Yoona bends down to look the little flower girl closely with a forced smile on her face, with much effort not to cry a tear in front of the young girl, “Soon. You can shower me with much petals as you like later, okay? A little more time and it’ll finally start… A little more time.”
One hour and fifteen minutes and thirty two seconds.
“Yoona.”
She turns around to see her best friend, Yuri, and she immediately hugs her.
“They’re probably stuck in a traffic… somewhere.” Yoona tells her (self), her voice slightly wavering and her eyes starting to threaten with incoming tears again.
One hour and fifty eight minutes and seven seconds.
Yuri wraps her arm around her waist as both girls wait for him to arrive. The little girls in front of them are already starting to throw mini- tantrums and Suji, the oldest among all of them, starts to take in charge.
The door opens behind them and Changmin, the best man, appears in front of them.
“The visitors are starting to get impatient. I tried to call Kibum for a lot of times now but he would not answer his phone.” Changmin tells them.
Yuri turns to face him and gives him a meaningful look.
Yoona stands frozen between them, her eyes staring at the thin air in front of her-almost half- listening and not minding with what was happening around her.
Changmin reaches for her hand and squeezes it softly.
“Be strong, Yoona.”
Two hours and ten minutes and six seconds.
Yoona, Changmin and Yuri sit on the Church’s entrance steps as they still wait for the groom. Some of their friends and even the relatives will come by and Yuri takes in charge and saves Yoon from answering the obvious questions.
Changmin and Yuri stay at her side because they knew there is something.
Yuri holds Yoona’s arm while cracking some of her lame jokes to make Yoona laugh. Yoona manages to laugh at Yuri’s jokes and they would laugh together with Changmin and it would last for a few seconds or so, but Changmin notices how Yoona’s laugh would end with such pain, with such acceptance.
Changmin notices how Yoona was trying her best not to break in front of them.
Changmin notices how Yoona was trying her best not to give up even though she knew deep inside her that he’s not coming anymore.
All of them know.
But even though two hours and fourteen minutes and twenty two seconds has already passed, they still wait.
Two hours and thirty three minutes and four seconds.
Seohyun comes to them with Yoona’s phone in her hand rushing and almost half- running.
“Unnie, it’s him.” Seohyun tells her with a worried knew and that is because she also knows.
Yoona accepts the phone and freezes for a split second before she puts the phone near her ear and listens.
“Yoona…” he’s crying or is it a was? She did not care that much. “I…”
“Hey, they’re all waiting now. You better hurry.” Yoona talks animatedly as she tries herself to sound cheerful-like she did not know that it is happening.
“It’s not going to happen, Yoona.”
Silence.
“I’m sorry.”
Two hours and forty minutes and sixteen seconds.
One by one (or is it by group? Yoona didn’t notice) the visitors and everyone else start to get out of the church. It is all happening in slow motion for Yoona and it pains her heart a little (No, a lot. Actually.).
They are all disappointed, Yoona notices. She is disappointed, too (more than that, she thinks to herself).
“Yoona, are you okay?” Yuri asks her in a low voice.
“Of course, she’s not.” Yoona hears Changmin in the background.
Then comes silence among the three.
A pack of people are still coming out of the church and inwardly, Yoona starts to become impatient. She is already so tired of putting up a smiling face despite what is happening (happened).
“I just want everyone gone.” Yoona finally whispers and both Changmin and Yuri know it includes the two of them.
Changmin pats her head softly and kisses it afterwards.
“Be strong.” He whispers. Again?
“I’m trying, Changmin.” Yoona tells him, biting her lips to stop the tears, as she looks in his eyes.
And that was what Changmin and Yuri was worried about.
Yoona has not cried a tear and they think it’s not helping her to become strong because they knew she’s already hurting so much.
Four hours and seven minutes and thirteen seconds.
“We can walk you home, Yoon.”
“Thanks but I’ll spend time with myself first.”
The snow starts to fall down from the sky when Yoona walks along the street of Seoul still with her wedding dress. She pulls her gown as she takes every step and leaves some traces behind her.
He likes it when it snows.
After a long time of holding everything in in front of everyone, a tear finally finds its way out of her eyes. Her heart then starts to shatter into pieces. Even she can hear it breaking.
And it takes four hours and seven minutes and forty seven seconds for her heart to finally feel the pain.
And it takes four hours and seven minutes and forty seven seconds for her to finally realize he’s not coming back for her.