autumn songs
i got the urge to write in my livejournal again. today i got the bus down to walthamstow and sat in the front seat looking at the autumn trees and city streets and listening to fleet foxes; i am starting to love that album so much - seems so full of mystery and joy, makes me think of cold days and trips and childhood winters and animals in human clothes from ukrainian fairy tales. i want to sell my car, i want to take the bus everywhere, i want to live without any sort of agenda, not drawing conclusions about myself or anyone. i want to make prints of trees and a duvet cover with birds on it. all weekend i felt like i was carrying around a secret that only i had been told. i don't want to give up this good mood but i know that someday soon the weather will break and there won't be red leaves against a blue sky to look at any more and i'll have to do something that feels like a compromise. it's midnight and i'm sitting on the stairs in my grandma's old house in the dark typing this and listening to david look for his lighter. "what could i have done with it" he is saying. where could it be.