Goodbye
It is after careful consideration I have decided to retire this journal. It was my dearest and best friend for many years. During the time I was in Christophers collar I often felt very alone. This journal was the only place I was truly allowed to express any emotions. He expected to never see any emotion that he saw as negative. This made me a very lonely girl. My journal was my friend. There was a time that he took this journal away from me, because I put negativity here. He was adamant that I just made myself feel badly, by writing that stuff. It could not even be possible that maybe the reverse was true; I wrote it because I felt it. During the two years that I was not allowed to journal I became so numb. When he did give it back, I made a point of finding something positive to write in every post and made sure that at least half my posts were only positive. I was terrified of losing my friend again. Because of that personal censorship my relationship with my journal was never the same. Slowly I used her less and less. After I left that collar, I used her a lot to work through my emotions, gradually needing her less and less as I have healed.
So
Dear Journal,
Thank you for being a friend. Thank you for never judging, always listening, and the absolute confidentiality you gave. You have been a dear and brought me through so much. You are precious to me. Yet, this is goodbye. I am allowing you to retire. There are two reasons. 1. I do not need you anymore because I am not alone and have someone alive that listens and cares. and 2. As I look back through you- I do not even recognize the person who wrote this. This journal belongs to a shadow of who I am.
Two year ago I covered Christophers tat and said goodbye to his mark on me. Now, I say goodbye to this journal that holds the hurt and pain he caused by never loving me, in a way that I needed loved. It is the official closing of that chapter in my life.
Thank you friend.