Crashing
It has been busy busy day. We found lots of great bargains, while doing the shopping for the house. I am pretty excited about the store we found.
Found out our insurance is nearly doubling, from 35-65$ a month. I have no idea how we are going to make that happen, but we do not have a choice. That sure is a lot of picked up aluminum cans. We will do what we have to do, I reckon.
We have an opportunity to make some money working at Hex House in Tulsa. I am eager to get the rest of the information I need. I hope to hear more soon. We really could use that money. We need it for car insurance and things for the CHAOS kids. Things are getting really scary tight. I am trying not to stress because it always works out in the end. Also, the van... I will not even mention all that the van needs. We have almost completely rebuilt that thing! It still needs stuff. I think the tire that is leaking air is under warranty though. I will cal tomorrow and find out. Granted, still cannot even take it in for repair/ replacement until we make it to Tulsa next. I have no idea when that will be, unless the Hex House thing works out. I am feeling pretty negative at the moment though, so I am not holding my breath.
As I was sitting here looking at Facebook I feel myself beginning to just crash down in a spiral. I am feeling kind of down on myself for not getting in a workout of some kind today. There just simply was not enough time in the day. I did walk a whole lot as we did shopping. I suppose that is something. I did not log the walking on my fitness pal because it seems so minimal. I suppose I should though if I want an accurate log of stuff, for my comparison, this month.
I am struggling with BDSM cravings right now. I am not sure what triggered it. It hit me out of the blue, all of a sudden, while I was distracted by other very vanilla things. I feel sad and depressed. My breathing is fast. I feel shaky. All I can think about is Master Asshat and BDSM....I am feeling so negative about myself. My body is my enemy and I want to hurt myself. I will resist. I must fight to overcome this addiction even if I do not feel worth fighting for. What I feel is not what I know to be true. I will keep holding on. I really want to write more because my chest feels tight and I need to get it out, but I really need to walk away from the computer right now... before I do something stupid.
I make me so angry.
I am stressed.
I am tired.
I want what I cannot have....
Found out our insurance is nearly doubling, from 35-65$ a month. I have no idea how we are going to make that happen, but we do not have a choice. That sure is a lot of picked up aluminum cans. We will do what we have to do, I reckon.
We have an opportunity to make some money working at Hex House in Tulsa. I am eager to get the rest of the information I need. I hope to hear more soon. We really could use that money. We need it for car insurance and things for the CHAOS kids. Things are getting really scary tight. I am trying not to stress because it always works out in the end. Also, the van... I will not even mention all that the van needs. We have almost completely rebuilt that thing! It still needs stuff. I think the tire that is leaking air is under warranty though. I will cal tomorrow and find out. Granted, still cannot even take it in for repair/ replacement until we make it to Tulsa next. I have no idea when that will be, unless the Hex House thing works out. I am feeling pretty negative at the moment though, so I am not holding my breath.
As I was sitting here looking at Facebook I feel myself beginning to just crash down in a spiral. I am feeling kind of down on myself for not getting in a workout of some kind today. There just simply was not enough time in the day. I did walk a whole lot as we did shopping. I suppose that is something. I did not log the walking on my fitness pal because it seems so minimal. I suppose I should though if I want an accurate log of stuff, for my comparison, this month.
I am struggling with BDSM cravings right now. I am not sure what triggered it. It hit me out of the blue, all of a sudden, while I was distracted by other very vanilla things. I feel sad and depressed. My breathing is fast. I feel shaky. All I can think about is Master Asshat and BDSM....I am feeling so negative about myself. My body is my enemy and I want to hurt myself. I will resist. I must fight to overcome this addiction even if I do not feel worth fighting for. What I feel is not what I know to be true. I will keep holding on. I really want to write more because my chest feels tight and I need to get it out, but I really need to walk away from the computer right now... before I do something stupid.
I make me so angry.
I am stressed.
I am tired.
I want what I cannot have....