Empty and numb
I have been thinking all day about what I should write about in my journal today. Truth is I just feel empty and numb. That sounds bad, but I am not so sure it is. I have plenty rolling around in my head. Things about training, past relationships, BDSM, the kids I work with, the situation with my neice, how everyone needs a part of me but I feel like I am out of parts, the vacation this summer, finding a cabin for Shawna, fundraiser ideas for buffalo days, health, fitness, etc. etc. etc. I just feel depleted of emotion though. I feel dull, lacking luster. Nothing feels like enough to invest writing in or about at the moment.
This is day 3 of my return to structure and training. It is going well. I feel uncertain about my knee and it has been kind of rough today.
We enrolled a new adult in our Martial Arts class, which is awesome. Its another woman, which is nice for me. She begins Tuesday.
I took a nap this afternoon. I hope it does not mess up my sleeping schedule.
We were suppose to grill out this afternoon but the rain had other plans. We were planning on hotdogs, bbq ribs, chicken, marinated porkchops, grilled pineapple, corn on the cob, stuffed jalepenos and cheddar pasta salad. Instead Pam made homemade pizza and ( of course) it made me feel sick. My body is not use to white bread or all that oil/ fat. I only ate 2 pieces ( hours ago) but my tummy is angry now. I still have a ways to go in order to meet my daily water goal, but I am afraid to drink anything at the moment.
I really want to be at the lake, in the woods, or around a campfire right now. I feel disconnected from the world and things that are important. Nature is how I reconnect. I would give my left knee ( yeah, the injured one) to just go camping. I would if it werent for the weather prediction. I hate April rain, but I love storms and know we need the moisture.
I need to flow, like water.
This is day 3 of my return to structure and training. It is going well. I feel uncertain about my knee and it has been kind of rough today.
We enrolled a new adult in our Martial Arts class, which is awesome. Its another woman, which is nice for me. She begins Tuesday.
I took a nap this afternoon. I hope it does not mess up my sleeping schedule.
We were suppose to grill out this afternoon but the rain had other plans. We were planning on hotdogs, bbq ribs, chicken, marinated porkchops, grilled pineapple, corn on the cob, stuffed jalepenos and cheddar pasta salad. Instead Pam made homemade pizza and ( of course) it made me feel sick. My body is not use to white bread or all that oil/ fat. I only ate 2 pieces ( hours ago) but my tummy is angry now. I still have a ways to go in order to meet my daily water goal, but I am afraid to drink anything at the moment.
I really want to be at the lake, in the woods, or around a campfire right now. I feel disconnected from the world and things that are important. Nature is how I reconnect. I would give my left knee ( yeah, the injured one) to just go camping. I would if it werent for the weather prediction. I hate April rain, but I love storms and know we need the moisture.
I need to flow, like water.