Labradorescence.
Alright, so it's been a month since my last post. I know because my mom just posted on Facebook that it has been a month since Carissa's death. It is disturbing how such a horrible event can seem to ruin your life forever, and how, after the funeral, there's always exams to take, assignments and papers to turn in, bills to pay, and it's when you are having lunch with a good friend you haven't seen in a couple of months and you get around to telling them about That Horrible Day, and you find that it's scabbed over. I don't even feel anything about it anymore. It's like reverse numbness. My initial guilt at not being close to her and now not having the option has faded, precisely for the reason why I was guilty in the first place. I've tried to keep her alive, in my own way, but apathy has washed over me.
All the more reason to hang the scum who did it.
My life has been completely without pizazz. I go to class, I study, I watch the leaves turn brown and litter the sidewalks, I sleep fitfully at night and wake up with impressions of bad dreams. Much the same as I ever have done. Romulo and I get into arguments about my friends about once every couple of weeks and make up as quickly as we realised that there was a problem. Today I was sitting in lecture, listening to a grad student named Andy talk to us about economic geology and imagining myself as an important and skilled advisor, working hard at my job and living somewhere with Romulo, happy and stable. I think I really do love him, even if he annoys me with his paranoia about other men around me, especially (or really, only) Reed. After the last little blow out I gained the ability to hang out with him again, but I am not to expect Romulo to want to be involved and I cannot go to the movies or anything alone with him. When did I ever hang out with him alone anyway? It's not the same with Brett gone. I mess that square-headed nerd.
This post is kind of neither here or there. I realise that now. I'm sorry.
Last Thursday I sat my Optical Mineralogy exam, which is one of the hardest exams I will ever have to take as an undergraduate. I studied hard, and felt good about it. I have no idea how I did yet, but I'm optimistic. On Friday I had my Mineralogy class exam, which was kind of annoying, back-to-back. And not even kind of the same material. But it was much easier and I felt pretty good about it, except I made some dumb mistakes and scored an 86%. 90% would have earned me a nice chunk of labradorite, or some other neat mineral sample my professor has. She still has this amazingly well formed garnet that I want that is about the size of the palm of my hand. The labradorite is all gone, but that's okay. I kind of feel it's a little too flashy for my likes. But still amazingly beautiful.
But I know the content, and that is all that really matters in the long run. I'll be okay in the long run. Problem is, with these mineralogy exams, I've been ignoring Sed/Strat and Trig. So for the last two days I've been doing math solely; soon I'll have to get back into Sed or I'm going to be destroyed. And I have no intentions of that happening.
Minerals and rocks are about the only thing that really make sense anymore. Boys get jealous of boys; people murder other people they don't know. Minerals form the same patterns, with the same chemicals, and have the same crystal habit, always. Structure. It's a beautiful thing.
All the more reason to hang the scum who did it.
My life has been completely without pizazz. I go to class, I study, I watch the leaves turn brown and litter the sidewalks, I sleep fitfully at night and wake up with impressions of bad dreams. Much the same as I ever have done. Romulo and I get into arguments about my friends about once every couple of weeks and make up as quickly as we realised that there was a problem. Today I was sitting in lecture, listening to a grad student named Andy talk to us about economic geology and imagining myself as an important and skilled advisor, working hard at my job and living somewhere with Romulo, happy and stable. I think I really do love him, even if he annoys me with his paranoia about other men around me, especially (or really, only) Reed. After the last little blow out I gained the ability to hang out with him again, but I am not to expect Romulo to want to be involved and I cannot go to the movies or anything alone with him. When did I ever hang out with him alone anyway? It's not the same with Brett gone. I mess that square-headed nerd.
This post is kind of neither here or there. I realise that now. I'm sorry.
Last Thursday I sat my Optical Mineralogy exam, which is one of the hardest exams I will ever have to take as an undergraduate. I studied hard, and felt good about it. I have no idea how I did yet, but I'm optimistic. On Friday I had my Mineralogy class exam, which was kind of annoying, back-to-back. And not even kind of the same material. But it was much easier and I felt pretty good about it, except I made some dumb mistakes and scored an 86%. 90% would have earned me a nice chunk of labradorite, or some other neat mineral sample my professor has. She still has this amazingly well formed garnet that I want that is about the size of the palm of my hand. The labradorite is all gone, but that's okay. I kind of feel it's a little too flashy for my likes. But still amazingly beautiful.
But I know the content, and that is all that really matters in the long run. I'll be okay in the long run. Problem is, with these mineralogy exams, I've been ignoring Sed/Strat and Trig. So for the last two days I've been doing math solely; soon I'll have to get back into Sed or I'm going to be destroyed. And I have no intentions of that happening.
Minerals and rocks are about the only thing that really make sense anymore. Boys get jealous of boys; people murder other people they don't know. Minerals form the same patterns, with the same chemicals, and have the same crystal habit, always. Structure. It's a beautiful thing.