Tense.
So I have worn the same pair of jeans every day this week. They are simply the only ones that fit and don't make me look like the Elephant man. This morning I attempted to wear a different pair, asking my roommate if they looked alright - "Do these jeans make my leg look fat?" She assured me she hadn't noticed until I pointed it out, but I didn't wear them since the back of my knee started hurting from them being too tight.
This afternoon we were in the bathroom together, and she said something about how her should hurt or something. She paused and asked "How's your leg feel?" I was making supper then, some macaroni, so that I could take some Ibuprofen. I was starting to ache from having sat down all day, and I looked at her with tired eyes. "Achy." She combed her hair. "Has the swelling went down any?"
I shook my head, then turned and faced her. "Do you want to see it?"
She paused, on the ledge. Then her eyes narrowed. "YES." I then, while explaining exactly what had happened last sunday, took my jeans off. She seemed okay "Oh, you are wearing leggings, I see. WOW, you leg is really swollen!"
I nodded as I began to pull down my leggings, showing off my incredibly bruised flesh and giant swollen bump.
I think she threw up a little in her mouth.
"OH MY GOD! MORGAN! HOW ARE YOU WALKING ON THAT?!"
Her exclamation attracted Krysta's attention, who was the first to see my leg after accident. "What, has it changed?" She paused dead in her bedroom door, eyes locked on the back of my leg, something in her hands forgotten. "Oh. My. God."
"Yeah... this is why I have been extra pathetic this week, guys," I said as I pulled my clothes back on.
"How do you sleep?" Emily asked.
"I don't, not well. I've not slept well since this happened. I have to lay on my right side or my back."
I have to admit I was somewhat proud of my leg then. It freaked out my roommates, at any rate. Good enough for me.
Then Brett and Reed came over to help me stash my bicycle for the week so it wouldn't encourage thieves. I opened the door and leaned against it. One of them frowned at me. "You don't look too well."
"Yeah, well, I haven't slept in four days."
Reed did the math in his head. "Yeah, it has been four days, hasn't it?" I shook my head sadly and went to say something, indicating my leg. "You don't have to say anything, I can see it through your pants."
We then all stopped; Brett and I looked at each other. Finally he uttered "That's what she said," and the mood passed. Sorta.
They helped me bring it in, then stood in my apartment for a couple of minutes, chatting. Brett then ditched Reed and left, making us feel rather awkward. But we made the best of it with geeky conversation (I explained/showed him all of the Doctors, for instance.)
I don't know guys. I just, I would like to think I know, but I don't. I'm glad to be going home tomorrow where the people who love me are waiting to make my life seem slightly less surreal. Or maybe it will make life even more so, with the juxtaposition of the real life I've had for 20 years versus the new real life I've had for three months.
I am not sleeping well, guys. If you hadn't guessed.
Reed and I were sitting here as a short silence lapsed. "Is this weird?" I asked.
"Yeah. Just a little."
He was thinking it was awkward for a different reason than me, though. "When you were out, I could have called my father, he was a paramedic for a number of years, but I figured that if I called an ambulance and they took you to the hospital, it was because you would need it. I know you were annoyed with me for it, but I figured it was best for you."
I was floored, I wasn't even thinking about that night, which makes sense since that was the last time I had seen him. Things had been rather strange when they left my apartment. I assured him that I was very thankful that he had called the hospital for me.
We continued talking until another pause. My mind wandered to a familiar subject. "Ah, Brett. I mean, Reed... I'm sorry."
He acted mock hurt. "Of course, whenever I'm around you wish the cool one was instead, I see how it is."
I wasn't sure I was going to say anything, but at that point I kind of had to. So I explained it as well as I could, after demanding he not say a word to his roommate. He seemed at a loss, for a good reason, and I changed the subject. But before I did I made sure he understood that I don't want to think of Brett that way, that they are great friends and I am lucky to have them. I wouldn't want to jeopardise it.
Reed accentuated this by giving me a hug when he left. He's a good guy, if incredibly socially awkward, but he told me he appreciates me. I guess us social outcasts got to hang together.
But I have to admit that I felt a pang of loss when Reed made some comment about whoever had sent Brett the text that made him leave was Brett "trying to get laid." I have to wonder, do men really think that way? I mean, when I'm at their apartment, I'm with Brett. If we are talking, I look at him more than Reed. To me it has to be rather obvious how I feel. But Reed apparently hadn't noticed. And maybe Brett hasn't either. And it's confusing and annoying and I want to go home. Right now. Even though it is eleven and I have a ton of things I need to do before I go. Like pack. Take a quiz. Finish my math homework. Go to chemistry and geo. And all I can do is over analyze what transpires every time I am with him.
...And who sent him the text that made him leave...
I'm still thankful that I got to see him before break, as sad as that feels to me.
I wish I were a lesbian sometimes. But I shouldn't think that, I shouldn't wish I am something I'm not. I should think of all these weird occurrences being practice for life. Craig wasn't a mistake, he was just an indicator of what I should avoid. Trevor wasn't a wasted opportunity but rather practice of what not to do in a relationship. Maybe Brett is just a lesson.
I'll be damned if I know what it is, though.
Okay, I need to at least attempt to pack for this week. Goodbye. I don't know how often I will get internet access while at home. But I do hate to leave this on such a dismal note. I already enthused about Nerdboyfriend a lot last night. I've not found any good fic since I've not been looking. I had some good banter with my chem TA today in recitation but I don't remember what they were.
Well, shit. I've got nothing.
This afternoon we were in the bathroom together, and she said something about how her should hurt or something. She paused and asked "How's your leg feel?" I was making supper then, some macaroni, so that I could take some Ibuprofen. I was starting to ache from having sat down all day, and I looked at her with tired eyes. "Achy." She combed her hair. "Has the swelling went down any?"
I shook my head, then turned and faced her. "Do you want to see it?"
She paused, on the ledge. Then her eyes narrowed. "YES." I then, while explaining exactly what had happened last sunday, took my jeans off. She seemed okay "Oh, you are wearing leggings, I see. WOW, you leg is really swollen!"
I nodded as I began to pull down my leggings, showing off my incredibly bruised flesh and giant swollen bump.
I think she threw up a little in her mouth.
"OH MY GOD! MORGAN! HOW ARE YOU WALKING ON THAT?!"
Her exclamation attracted Krysta's attention, who was the first to see my leg after accident. "What, has it changed?" She paused dead in her bedroom door, eyes locked on the back of my leg, something in her hands forgotten. "Oh. My. God."
"Yeah... this is why I have been extra pathetic this week, guys," I said as I pulled my clothes back on.
"How do you sleep?" Emily asked.
"I don't, not well. I've not slept well since this happened. I have to lay on my right side or my back."
I have to admit I was somewhat proud of my leg then. It freaked out my roommates, at any rate. Good enough for me.
Then Brett and Reed came over to help me stash my bicycle for the week so it wouldn't encourage thieves. I opened the door and leaned against it. One of them frowned at me. "You don't look too well."
"Yeah, well, I haven't slept in four days."
Reed did the math in his head. "Yeah, it has been four days, hasn't it?" I shook my head sadly and went to say something, indicating my leg. "You don't have to say anything, I can see it through your pants."
We then all stopped; Brett and I looked at each other. Finally he uttered "That's what she said," and the mood passed. Sorta.
They helped me bring it in, then stood in my apartment for a couple of minutes, chatting. Brett then ditched Reed and left, making us feel rather awkward. But we made the best of it with geeky conversation (I explained/showed him all of the Doctors, for instance.)
I don't know guys. I just, I would like to think I know, but I don't. I'm glad to be going home tomorrow where the people who love me are waiting to make my life seem slightly less surreal. Or maybe it will make life even more so, with the juxtaposition of the real life I've had for 20 years versus the new real life I've had for three months.
I am not sleeping well, guys. If you hadn't guessed.
Reed and I were sitting here as a short silence lapsed. "Is this weird?" I asked.
"Yeah. Just a little."
He was thinking it was awkward for a different reason than me, though. "When you were out, I could have called my father, he was a paramedic for a number of years, but I figured that if I called an ambulance and they took you to the hospital, it was because you would need it. I know you were annoyed with me for it, but I figured it was best for you."
I was floored, I wasn't even thinking about that night, which makes sense since that was the last time I had seen him. Things had been rather strange when they left my apartment. I assured him that I was very thankful that he had called the hospital for me.
We continued talking until another pause. My mind wandered to a familiar subject. "Ah, Brett. I mean, Reed... I'm sorry."
He acted mock hurt. "Of course, whenever I'm around you wish the cool one was instead, I see how it is."
I wasn't sure I was going to say anything, but at that point I kind of had to. So I explained it as well as I could, after demanding he not say a word to his roommate. He seemed at a loss, for a good reason, and I changed the subject. But before I did I made sure he understood that I don't want to think of Brett that way, that they are great friends and I am lucky to have them. I wouldn't want to jeopardise it.
Reed accentuated this by giving me a hug when he left. He's a good guy, if incredibly socially awkward, but he told me he appreciates me. I guess us social outcasts got to hang together.
But I have to admit that I felt a pang of loss when Reed made some comment about whoever had sent Brett the text that made him leave was Brett "trying to get laid." I have to wonder, do men really think that way? I mean, when I'm at their apartment, I'm with Brett. If we are talking, I look at him more than Reed. To me it has to be rather obvious how I feel. But Reed apparently hadn't noticed. And maybe Brett hasn't either. And it's confusing and annoying and I want to go home. Right now. Even though it is eleven and I have a ton of things I need to do before I go. Like pack. Take a quiz. Finish my math homework. Go to chemistry and geo. And all I can do is over analyze what transpires every time I am with him.
...And who sent him the text that made him leave...
I'm still thankful that I got to see him before break, as sad as that feels to me.
I wish I were a lesbian sometimes. But I shouldn't think that, I shouldn't wish I am something I'm not. I should think of all these weird occurrences being practice for life. Craig wasn't a mistake, he was just an indicator of what I should avoid. Trevor wasn't a wasted opportunity but rather practice of what not to do in a relationship. Maybe Brett is just a lesson.
I'll be damned if I know what it is, though.
Okay, I need to at least attempt to pack for this week. Goodbye. I don't know how often I will get internet access while at home. But I do hate to leave this on such a dismal note. I already enthused about Nerdboyfriend a lot last night. I've not found any good fic since I've not been looking. I had some good banter with my chem TA today in recitation but I don't remember what they were.
Well, shit. I've got nothing.