blessed silence...
kinda quiet today, which is good. my usual sunday routine is sleep in, go out and catch a movie or somethin, then SOMEHOW, END UP at the casino,("oh hey look, i ended up at the casino parkin lot. since im here and all.....) and then end up regretting goin to the casino, and head home and watch the greatest television program of all time. americas funniest home videos. only on AFV can multiple hits to the groin be quickly and easily be blended with classical music and totally work.
let step back here for a sec. while i drive, i mean, END UP AT, the casino parkin lot, i have a mental pros vs. cons conflict goin on in my head, on the astral plane. i mutter good points and bad points on goin to the casino. good point, i got a coupla bucks, i can generally afford it, bad point, worst case scenario, i might need this money for some emergency of some kind. good point, im honing my casino skills. im learnin to walk away when i sense i aint gonna win. bad point, im slowly becoming a regular, if not, am a regular, at the casino now....
good point, that trumps all other points, on some level, i fell a connection to my grandfather when i go there.
just here me out here
up until the last months, or even weeks, my grandfather would always go to the casino. every spare dollar would go to the casino. sometimes hed win or lose. other times hed win big or lose big. just like me :)
coupla years back, maybe 5 years ago, my grandfather came to visit one weekend. and somehow i slept in, everyone else left him home, and we ended up just goin to the casino, and i drove his van there. it was the first and only time we went there together. hehe, also he had a handicap sign on his mirror, so i got to park like right next to the front door, which was kickass. i was like FISTPUMP! cuz someitmes you just have to fistpump a good parking spot. we were there for like an hour or so, then we left. i think i lost, i dont remember. i asked him how he did, and his reponse was his universal response to that question when he always got asked. 'oh, i broke even....' with his laugh that i can always hear in teh back of my head when i walk into the doors of the casino.
after that i treated him to dinner at whitespot. and another kickass parkin spot right at the door. another FISTPUMP. it was akward silence here and there, hed ask the routine 'hows work? hows things at home?' questions. hahaha! theres a coupla cute servers there, and i saw em give em the double look as they walked by, and he said, "excellent service here eh? hehehe..." with that signature laugh. :)
another note to add at this point. times are tough on the island. my cousins would steal from my grandfather while he was away. theyd break into his locked room, he locked it for this particular reason, but it got broken into anwyways. whoever would even steal the random change in the change jar. my mom told me that this happened coupla times. and one payday i just gave my mom extra money and told her to put it into my grandfathers account. she always put money in his account so hed have money to buy the most basic of groceries. sometimes even that would get eaten or taken while he was away. i was the only grandchild who actually gave HIM money, everyone would steal it or bum money off em and not pay him back.
at my grandfathers funeral, i hugged my uncle and he whispered into my ear that my grandfather still brought up that day, and how good he felt and stuff. he said "he always talked well of you, about how you were the only one givin em money, and he remembers that day you drove em to the casino that day..."
up until like months before he passed away, my mom would tell me that he still brought up that trip, and how good it made em feel and stuff.
after the funeral, theres like a, for a lack of a better term, gathering where all the persons worldy possessions are given away. my mom saw everyone elses greed over his possessions and only wanted a small trinket of some kind, and wanted me to look through everything. i found here some small wooden carving. while i was looking, i found that hat that he wore that day to the casino, so i took that and an autobiography of chuck yeager, which im still tryin to find the time to read.
one day my mom brought my grandfathers gambling, and my dad simply said, 'maybe thats the only thing that made him happy....'
so yeah, here i am, SLOWLY trying to open up all my emotions and shit here. although, i still like remaining SEXY and MYSTERIOUS....
i still fuckin feel like doogie howser evertime i post somethin on here.... it feels like a beginning and an end of a doogie episode or some shit.
let step back here for a sec. while i drive, i mean, END UP AT, the casino parkin lot, i have a mental pros vs. cons conflict goin on in my head, on the astral plane. i mutter good points and bad points on goin to the casino. good point, i got a coupla bucks, i can generally afford it, bad point, worst case scenario, i might need this money for some emergency of some kind. good point, im honing my casino skills. im learnin to walk away when i sense i aint gonna win. bad point, im slowly becoming a regular, if not, am a regular, at the casino now....
good point, that trumps all other points, on some level, i fell a connection to my grandfather when i go there.
just here me out here
up until the last months, or even weeks, my grandfather would always go to the casino. every spare dollar would go to the casino. sometimes hed win or lose. other times hed win big or lose big. just like me :)
coupla years back, maybe 5 years ago, my grandfather came to visit one weekend. and somehow i slept in, everyone else left him home, and we ended up just goin to the casino, and i drove his van there. it was the first and only time we went there together. hehe, also he had a handicap sign on his mirror, so i got to park like right next to the front door, which was kickass. i was like FISTPUMP! cuz someitmes you just have to fistpump a good parking spot. we were there for like an hour or so, then we left. i think i lost, i dont remember. i asked him how he did, and his reponse was his universal response to that question when he always got asked. 'oh, i broke even....' with his laugh that i can always hear in teh back of my head when i walk into the doors of the casino.
after that i treated him to dinner at whitespot. and another kickass parkin spot right at the door. another FISTPUMP. it was akward silence here and there, hed ask the routine 'hows work? hows things at home?' questions. hahaha! theres a coupla cute servers there, and i saw em give em the double look as they walked by, and he said, "excellent service here eh? hehehe..." with that signature laugh. :)
another note to add at this point. times are tough on the island. my cousins would steal from my grandfather while he was away. theyd break into his locked room, he locked it for this particular reason, but it got broken into anwyways. whoever would even steal the random change in the change jar. my mom told me that this happened coupla times. and one payday i just gave my mom extra money and told her to put it into my grandfathers account. she always put money in his account so hed have money to buy the most basic of groceries. sometimes even that would get eaten or taken while he was away. i was the only grandchild who actually gave HIM money, everyone would steal it or bum money off em and not pay him back.
at my grandfathers funeral, i hugged my uncle and he whispered into my ear that my grandfather still brought up that day, and how good he felt and stuff. he said "he always talked well of you, about how you were the only one givin em money, and he remembers that day you drove em to the casino that day..."
up until like months before he passed away, my mom would tell me that he still brought up that trip, and how good it made em feel and stuff.
after the funeral, theres like a, for a lack of a better term, gathering where all the persons worldy possessions are given away. my mom saw everyone elses greed over his possessions and only wanted a small trinket of some kind, and wanted me to look through everything. i found here some small wooden carving. while i was looking, i found that hat that he wore that day to the casino, so i took that and an autobiography of chuck yeager, which im still tryin to find the time to read.
one day my mom brought my grandfathers gambling, and my dad simply said, 'maybe thats the only thing that made him happy....'
so yeah, here i am, SLOWLY trying to open up all my emotions and shit here. although, i still like remaining SEXY and MYSTERIOUS....
i still fuckin feel like doogie howser evertime i post somethin on here.... it feels like a beginning and an end of a doogie episode or some shit.