Killing me not so softly
Today I am finally free of the heart monitor I have been wearing for the past month. Yeah! That thing was so annoying-- uncomfortable and worrisome with all its battery changes and all that.
Now I guess I wait for the doctor to call me? They never tell me anything.
I have been taking my Vitamin D, as directed, have been eating better, moving at least a little bit, and drinking wheat grass everyday. But, nothing has really changed. Maybe I have not yet given it enough time. I know I need to exercise and continue to improve my diet, but seriously, I find it hard to believe that I am in this situation. I mean, on my worst days I eat better than most Americans, yet I don't see other people my age so quickly falling into disrepair.
It really must be the stress. I have lived with that burden for 10 years and I still cannot let it go. I am constantly stressed out-- still. Grad school, the bane of my existence, is over and my life still fucking sucks. It has literally almost killed me and it is not yet done.
I resent that I have wasted so much of my life with this worthless effort. My 30s don't even seem like they happened. I certainly have nothing to show for it, except a shattered self-identity and massive debt.
Now I guess I wait for the doctor to call me? They never tell me anything.
I have been taking my Vitamin D, as directed, have been eating better, moving at least a little bit, and drinking wheat grass everyday. But, nothing has really changed. Maybe I have not yet given it enough time. I know I need to exercise and continue to improve my diet, but seriously, I find it hard to believe that I am in this situation. I mean, on my worst days I eat better than most Americans, yet I don't see other people my age so quickly falling into disrepair.
It really must be the stress. I have lived with that burden for 10 years and I still cannot let it go. I am constantly stressed out-- still. Grad school, the bane of my existence, is over and my life still fucking sucks. It has literally almost killed me and it is not yet done.
I resent that I have wasted so much of my life with this worthless effort. My 30s don't even seem like they happened. I certainly have nothing to show for it, except a shattered self-identity and massive debt.