(no subject)
it's been a frustrating night. partly cuz...if i waste my own time, then whatever, i'll deal. but i hate wasting my friends' time. and i hate feeling helpless. i've done my ranting. i won't rant too much here. too much self-pity tonight. and i hate feeling sorry for myself. at least it only happens once in long while. i hope. let me know if it's more than that so i can change. please no comments that in any way resemble "awww michelle...don't worry, things will be better." sometimes it bothers me when i feel like i'm just taking the easy way out in life. and taking the easy way out makes me feel so stupid compared to all these ambitious people around me. i seriously have no idea how i got into ucsd. except by God's grace. ONLY by His grace. hah. dang...i'm hecka upset now cuz i was really looking forward to going on a late night walk. cuz i really need one. i need to stop and look at stars. i need to talk to God and journal about random stuff. i feel like such a hypocrite after my last entry about taking timeouts...and then here i am putting studying over taking a timeout in life. i'm still two chapters behind. i wanted to finish by tomorrow so i could review my notes for my midterm on wednesday. but man...the prospect of going on that walk is what kept me sane while studying. not that i've been super productive. as you can see by this LJ update. but ahhh...tomorrow i can't go for a walk. i guess i have to postpone it till wednesday night. *sigh* school makes me sad.