disappearing
Right now, more than anything in the world, I just want to graduate and get the hell out of here. I'm finally feeling the effects of senioritis and, along with it, a growing malaise that tightens my jaw and hardens my stare. I don't like feeling this way. I want to be happy and fun and care-free, but it's getting harder and harder to smile sincerely rather than look the other way.
I've been taking stock of my life and throwing out the old merchandise: useless personal possessions, Facebook friends who aren't actually friends, my entire MySpace account, acquaintances who don't give a shit about me, etc. Although it might not be the healthiest thing to do, I'm evaluating everything and everyone as to what they will mean to me after I leave: Will I want to keep in touch with this person? Am I going to need this in New York? Will I want to forget that he/she/this ever existed? My life is slimming down.
In the end, I'm closing doors, burning bridges, falling off the face of the earth because I want to make a clean break with K and my past, the kind that I didn't get to make between high school and college. Every bone in my body is telling me to just disappear. I know, I'm abandoning others before they get a chance to abandon me, but that's not all of it.
I'm already getting sentimental. Livejournal won't make the cut, but I'll try to keep it up through the spring. After all, that was my plan four years back. God, it's been an eternity.
I've been taking stock of my life and throwing out the old merchandise: useless personal possessions, Facebook friends who aren't actually friends, my entire MySpace account, acquaintances who don't give a shit about me, etc. Although it might not be the healthiest thing to do, I'm evaluating everything and everyone as to what they will mean to me after I leave: Will I want to keep in touch with this person? Am I going to need this in New York? Will I want to forget that he/she/this ever existed? My life is slimming down.
In the end, I'm closing doors, burning bridges, falling off the face of the earth because I want to make a clean break with K and my past, the kind that I didn't get to make between high school and college. Every bone in my body is telling me to just disappear. I know, I'm abandoning others before they get a chance to abandon me, but that's not all of it.
I'm already getting sentimental. Livejournal won't make the cut, but I'll try to keep it up through the spring. After all, that was my plan four years back. God, it's been an eternity.