why do i do it to myself...
Why do i do it to myself...
I thought about Kate alot the past two days or so. So night i just decided to look at her xanga thingy...
Of course there is mension of her bf... How she misses him and all that. How he will be the one to pick her up at the airport and all that. I want to die....
Why do i do it to myself...
At least now i know she never really liked me... not at all... it in the slightest. She speaks int he post the way that i wish she spoke about me... but she never did... not once.
She never really cared... just pity, and even in pity... it was still empty on her part i think.
It just proves to me how right i am about all the stuff ive thought about my life, where its been, where its going. I am going to be alone.... i am alone... It'll never end... not even with a change of faith or of persona or anything. Karma is karma, the universe is the universe. To be able to free myself of the fate delt to me, id have to change the universe... id have to change God... and I'm just a man, nothing special. As Kate said... none of us are special... not really. She is right... nothing special about me...
Thats the point... I'm just like everyone else... only worse. I curse my own existance... i am in pain... and i am blah blah blah (read previous posts for more details) and all i get is pity. I'n not special at all... and i am below the normal. I am worse... i am nothing... i am scum.
I wonder if a human could change karma, the unverse... even god...
would make an intersting story... to say the least.
I'm glad shes doing good and that her and her new bf are doing good. I'm glad that she seems to have such a great relationship... the kind i want... i WANTED... with her.
I was the thinking another problem....was that she has this great love of life... and here i am... was... am... so.... cursing my own existance. Complete opposites i guess.
I'm glad shes happy. It hurts me but i;m still glad. She deserves to have that, all those things she wants... the things i want but will never get... I deserver nothing...
but there i go again... back to the self pity... saying I deserve nothing.... I've got to stop that...
I could go on with this post but emotions are running high in me... and so i better not go on with this...
just gonna grab a few tissues, hope for death, and go to bed.
I cant get enough of the nickelback song... if anyone is out there... please put a "toast" to me and play the song Photograph by Nickelback for me.
I have to stop doing this to myself...
I thought about Kate alot the past two days or so. So night i just decided to look at her xanga thingy...
Of course there is mension of her bf... How she misses him and all that. How he will be the one to pick her up at the airport and all that. I want to die....
Why do i do it to myself...
At least now i know she never really liked me... not at all... it in the slightest. She speaks int he post the way that i wish she spoke about me... but she never did... not once.
She never really cared... just pity, and even in pity... it was still empty on her part i think.
It just proves to me how right i am about all the stuff ive thought about my life, where its been, where its going. I am going to be alone.... i am alone... It'll never end... not even with a change of faith or of persona or anything. Karma is karma, the universe is the universe. To be able to free myself of the fate delt to me, id have to change the universe... id have to change God... and I'm just a man, nothing special. As Kate said... none of us are special... not really. She is right... nothing special about me...
Thats the point... I'm just like everyone else... only worse. I curse my own existance... i am in pain... and i am blah blah blah (read previous posts for more details) and all i get is pity. I'n not special at all... and i am below the normal. I am worse... i am nothing... i am scum.
I wonder if a human could change karma, the unverse... even god...
would make an intersting story... to say the least.
I'm glad shes doing good and that her and her new bf are doing good. I'm glad that she seems to have such a great relationship... the kind i want... i WANTED... with her.
I was the thinking another problem....was that she has this great love of life... and here i am... was... am... so.... cursing my own existance. Complete opposites i guess.
I'm glad shes happy. It hurts me but i;m still glad. She deserves to have that, all those things she wants... the things i want but will never get... I deserver nothing...
but there i go again... back to the self pity... saying I deserve nothing.... I've got to stop that...
I could go on with this post but emotions are running high in me... and so i better not go on with this...
just gonna grab a few tissues, hope for death, and go to bed.
I cant get enough of the nickelback song... if anyone is out there... please put a "toast" to me and play the song Photograph by Nickelback for me.
I have to stop doing this to myself...