Updating for real this time...

Jan 10, 2004 05:35

I Work way too much..And sleep even more.Sometimes I am much too tired to write, and still I must, because if I fail to, I feel several brain cells will die, or somehow a part of me will wither and fade through the night and be gone by morning. So I sit here, with candles lit, and listening to magical yet soothing Delerium. Sometimes I still wonder ( Read more... )

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grey_like_stars January 10 2004, 11:26:22 UTC
<< though I cannot stand knowing that particular females are labeled just for being free with their sexuality. >>

there's being free with your sexuality and being a slut. some people just need to get their definitions straight. it's all a matter of -why- you sleep with the people you sleep with. i've been a slut, and i've been an enthusiast of the sexual arts. i think the line is drawn when it goes from you have sex to enjoy sex to having sex for masochistic purposes. i went through a phase where i -hated- myself. and i slept with everyone because i thought i was worthless and the only way i could get someone to want to keep me around was to spread for them. and i also did it just because i knew it was a wrong thing to do, because i knew it was hurting me, and i kept doing it to hurt myself more. i hated myself so much. and then i got healthier about my attitude and slowed the pace -a little- and got about ten guys in a year as opposed to the 20 the year before (pringles virgin! once you pop, you can't stop!!) and i did it because, from my slut days, i'd come to enjoy having sex on a VERY regular basis. now i'm in a terminally monogamous relationship, and i have a whole lot of sex with just one guy. but even when it was with two or three different guys a week...it was healthier when i was doing it because i enjoyed sex but i knew it wasn't my only asset, as opposed to the reasons i'd had before.

god, i'm babbling. did that even make sense? i only got like...5 hours of sleep last night. i'm not all here. :P

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supervixen1979 January 10 2004, 11:42:52 UTC
Damn girl I really relate to everything you said!and YES you made perfect sense! thank you so much for the response:)

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grey_like_stars January 10 2004, 11:47:03 UTC
i somehow made this giant leap of understanding between 19 and now. i started late with all the stupid shit, but i did ALL OF IT in two years. i was a druggie, a slut, in abusive relationships with no idea or desire to get out, an alcoholic, raped, beaten, friends with murderers, all that fun shit. and both my sisters (8 and 10 years older than me) minored in psychology in college and had me help them study. so at 19, something snapped me out of the shit i was doing long enough for me to say "WHY am i doing this shit?" and i analyzed it for so long that i came up with a lot of good answers...and had to become friends with people five and six years older than me because none of my friends had any desire to catch up. they're still sad druggies that live for their next high/fuck/drunk. hehe...

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