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It's been a while, huh? This olymfic piece, along with AP exams and the SHINee big bang, are mostly responsible.
Failure to recognize | Kibum/Kevin (U-kiss) | A reunion concert should not be this difficult to put together when your group is technically still together, right? | 7,200 words | a/n: My prompt was Bo Peep Bo Peep by T-ara and my assigned band to write about was U-Kiss. Then there was months of struggle, serious and hopeless edits, and in the end I left it hanging at a really cliffhangingly brillant spot. No really, it just kinda stops and there really isn't any definite resolution, but I can't bring myself to write anything else to it. I'm happy with where it is now.
---
He goes straight to the conference room once he wakes up and then after that the schedule says he’ll have recording for a MBC variety show. Soohyun and Alexander are already there when Kevin arrives and, half an hour in, Dongho shows up.
“Kibum’s manager said,” Dongho says on his arrival, “that Kibum is doing a small showcase. He’s not coming.”
Kevin is reluctant to start without Kibum, but it’s as much of a group meeting as they’re going to get until Eli gets back in the country and the Kiseop issue is cleared up and they can’t waste time. July is not that far away and they have barely started anything. Kevin is pretty sure there isn’t even a full song list sorted out yet. Soohyun, for one, is freaking out because if they could at least figure out how many new original songs they’re going to sing then he could figure out how many more songs he needs to write. He also needs to figure out how he’s going to balance composing those songs with his solo material and decide how many other songwriters he’ll need to come in to help the whole process along.
Soohyun has mentioned these reasons enough for Kevin to have them committed to memory, but it doesn’t make any of them move any faster towards getting things done. They haven’t been completely unproductive though. In a previous meeting Kibum had been babbling about some new color coordination theme for Man Man Ha Ni that he had been ridiculously excited about and unable to properly or coherently convey to anyone else. And then there’re things like old dances and dance remixes and new dances that Dongho is adamant on, solo spots and lineups to decide… The main problem is that there are unfinished plans all over the place and a lot to be done and they can’t waste time but keep doing just that.
“I want a track called Ride or Die Chick or else I am leaving this group!” Alexander shouts at the top of his lungs while standing on the table. Okay, Kevin thinks pessimistically, so maybe they’re actually discussing concert matters but it never lasts for long. Alexander hyung, for one, is phenomenal at saying stupid pointless things and dragging them on for an hour.
“No,” Soohyun whines, “There’s no poetic beauty to be found in something like that.”
“RIDE OR DIE OR ELSE.” Alexander shrieks, pointing menacingly at Soohyun, who sighs and walks away to the other side of the room, “LIKE HOW I AM RIDE OR DIE FOR THIS SONG.”
“Hyung, shut up and sit down.” Dongho says, rolling his eyes and heartlessly pushing Alexander off the table.
“Brat.” Alexander grumbles from his new place flat out on the floor.
“The most popular and the face of the group,” Dongho corrects imperiously, “So I do what I want.”
“Well Mister I-do-what-I-want,” Soohyun drawls, waving what looks to be Dongho’s phone in the air, “You’ve been on manager alert for the past ten minutes. He texts that the radio appearance has been moved up an hour and - ” Soohyun stops, stares at Dongho’s phone and then squeals, “Oh my god who is this, is this a girl, are you sexting someone - ”
Dongho snatches his phone away as he rushes out, “I am a twenty one year old man I can do that if I want.”
Soohyun still looks scandalized after Dongho is gone, and he grabs onto Kevin’s jacket desperately. “I swear he is still fifteen in my eyes, sexting? He‘s too young.”
Kevin winces at the amount of pressure Soohyun’s fingers are applying to his forearm through his jacket. “Sorry hyung? But we all have to grow up.”
“And he’s always been a slut, even back then,” Alexander contributes absently from the floor, staring long and hard at the half-done playlist lying on the table. He is probably planning a way to underhandedly slip his Ride or Die song in the program without anyone noticing.
But, Kevin thinks, at least there’s some hope that the list is going to start resembling something remotely close to completion by the end of today. It’s a start.
-
She’s a new idol, seventeen and fresh, and Kevin doesn’t remember her name. It’s forgettable, like her talent, but she’s got a great body and cute way of speaking - almost like a foreigner, even though she’s not, and that’s her thing, her niche.
“Oh my god Kevaaan,” she trills in accented English and Kevin works hard to keep a straight face. There are lots and lots of memories, lots of Kibum and Kiseop and Soohyun and Alexander - especially Xander hyung, actually - associated to that particular set of words. “Oh, my god, sunbae, you are so cool.”
“I, I speak Korean you know.” He tells her politely, in case she thinks he doesn’t. Maybe she wasn’t a U-Kiss fan and only got to know who he was through other idols. ‘He’s from America, he lived in California’ tends to be the first and only thing out their mouth about him, despite how many years he’s spent in Korea speaking mostly only Korean. ‘He looks like an alien, sort of’ they say, ‘he is still awkward, even at twenty four’, ‘he speaks English’. That is it, that is who he is, that is all to his name at first glance, despite his talent and his impressive and long repertoire. He is adorable and American and, so, by extension, cool and hip and exciting.
Sometimes the entertainment business and its images and ridiculous requirements make him want to just give up and crawl under his bedcovers, never to resurface again. He sometimes just wants to sing and be noticed for that, is that too much to ask?
She giggles and twirls her hair, “Oh. Well, I was wondering if - ”
And Kevin could guess where this is going, ‘if we can go out to dinner sometime, we’d boost each other’s media coverage’ or ‘if you could give me some advice, how do you stay in this business so long?’ maybe something a little more obscene, but that’s not quite as likely and -
And his phone vibrates loudly, cutting her off. He’s got a call, probably one of his bandmates or his manager, maybe his mom, maybe Eli even, but then again Eli’s still in the States and the rates are insane, so no. “Excuse me.” He bows his head as he takes out his phone. It’s Kibum, of course. “Hello?”
“It’s Kiseop, a fan sighting so it’s reliable, he’s at home, go.” And then Kibum hangs up, like Kevin’s agreed to play along with this weird plot thing they’ve got going. Kevin sighs because he knows it makes no difference what he thinks.
“I’ve got to go,” he tells the girl, “Sorry, it’s really important. See you.”
He gives her his smile and she nearly swoons and Kevin leaves, used to it.
-
So the weird thing is, after Dongho got his first drama role and Soohyun took the company up on their offer to record a solo album and Eli asked for a break to go back home for a month and Kibum devoted most of his time to producing some beats for other artists with his brother and Alexander got his first talk show, Kevin and Kiseop were kind of left hanging.
“What the hell, no heads up?” Kevin had confronted Kibum, because Kibum had always been the only one Kevin had been comfortable enough with to confront, to be completely honest with, the only one who had been there with him when he was sixteen and disappointed and suddenly handling a lawsuit.
“What do you mean?” Kibum had looked up from his ipod, confusion written all over his face, so real and raw and plain to see that Kevin had dropped it. Made do with a quick, “Kidding!” and a smile and went on to find a solo contract for himself.
Maybe Kevin had been complacent and maybe Kiseop hadn’t seen the signs, but they had been the two left with no plans. Management said, “Solo activities take precedence over the group now,” and everyone scattered away without any warning. So Kevin is still a little hurt over that, harboring some bitterness he shouldn’t. And Kevin can’t figure out if Kiseop is the same way - he went and enlisted in the army right after they started solos and he’s just now getting out, laying low.
Kevin doesn’t have schedule right now. He’s on a lunch break that his manager expects him to use for networking, but he doesn’t want to. So he heads over to Kiseop’s apartment like he was told.
Kiseop doesn’t answer his door the first two times Kevin rings. Too bad for Kiseop that Kevin knows he’s in there. The few stalker fans outside in the parking lot ensure that the Internet would hear if he left.
“Kiseop,” Kevin calls through the door, “Kiseop, you know avoiding us is pointless, right?” Just for good measure, he bangs on the door a little. “Kiseop! I’m on a tight schedule, please!”
Finally, with that push of guilt, Kiseop unlatches and opens the door and peers uncertainly out at Kevin. “Hm,” he mock considers, at least his sense of humor is still the same, “Should I let you in?”
Kevin rolls his eyes and forces his way inside. “Out of everyone who could have shown up I’m probably, like, second best. And only because we all know how in love you and Eli are.” As Kiseop shuts the door, he makes himself comfortable on the couch. The living room is very clean. So clean that it is almost like no one is living here and that’s really unsettling to someone who is so constantly on the move there’s no time to be meticulous and tidy.
“Why’re you so uptight and antisocial lately? We’ve been calling you.” Kevin asks when Kiseop enters.
Kiseop sighs and runs a hand through his fuzz for hair. It still hasn’t grown out from the military buzz cut - not much time has passed since he finished his service, even though for Kevin a month seems like an eternity - and it’s a little strange. Kiseop always had the long hair for his look, the coordi noonas never cut it shorter than they had to. “I think the fans will get mad soon. You know how they are.”
Yeah, they always find something to get mad over. “Why? I mean, sure, the antis will start showing up, but the stalkers have been ecstatic since you got out a couple weeks back. They,” there’s an implied ‘everyone’ in his tone, “are just waiting for you to make a public statement and - ”
Kiseop sits down suddenly and tensely in a chair across from the couch and drops the bombshell. “I’m thinking about not doing the concert.”
Kevin blinks emphatically: once out of reflex of how to deal with the unexpected, twice because it takes another second to process that. “…What?”
Kiseop shifts uncomfortably, back still straight as a rod. “I mean. I. I know some fans are blaming me for U-Kiss not releasing anything sooner, and I just. I don’t know, I’m thinking about taking a break. Or quitting.”
You went into the military way early to get away from everybody how much more of a break do you need, Kevin wants to scream at him but he keeps composure. “Yeah, there are some fans against you, but if you do the concert then no one has anything to complain about, right? I mean, we’re still U-Kiss. Without you…” Without you we’ve just as well as broken up, Kevin thinks, and that’s the opposite of what everyone wants. Even Kiseop, even if Kiseop doesn’t know that yet.
Kiseop shrugs and he can tell that there’s no reasoning with Kiseop right now. He’s in a mood. Kevin cracks his neck slowly, breathing in and then out, calming himself to think clearly.
“Don’t say that to anyone outside the group,” he says quietly, “I mean, at least talk about it with all the other members before making a statement or telling management. It should be a group decision if we’re breaking up - ” Saying it out loud makes it seem possible, like unalterable reality. It is the one thing Kevin has never said before because he didn’t think it would ever happen. “Jesus Christ Kiseop, why do you always dump these things on me? First the military thing,” he still remembers telling everyone else and Dongho full out punching him for ‘not stopping Kiseop from making the stupidest decision ever’, “Now this?”
Kiseop smiles a little. “I don’t know, you’re just always really good at listening?”
Kevin wishes he wasn’t when it means he has to break this kind of news to the band.
-
The KBS building is large so seeing people you know is expected, a given. It is a social networking place, like a club, only there is no scandal for meeting there. At the exact same time the KBS building is large, so seeing people you know or, more particularly, are looking for is not the easiest thing in the world to work out. It’s one of those stupid situations where it never works out in you favor: you see the people you don’t want to see and can’t find the ones you do.
Which category Kibum falls into, Kevin hasn’t decided yet, and for that reason Kevin would rather not see him. If he does then he will have to tell Kibum about Kiseop. He could lie, but would that help anything?
Maybe he will just keep quiet until Kiseop decides. The hardest decision ever has presented itself and Kevin wants to be left alone to weigh the pros and cons. And here Kibum is, of course, waving and smiling and bouncing over and bound to be ‘endearingly’ obnoxious, if not just obnoxious outright.
“Kevin!”
He smiles and waves back, “Hyung, hi.”
Kibum invades his personal space - not that he minds - and slings a comfortable arm over his shoulders. An old friend, an old gesture, Kevin is used to the weight of this customary hello. “What’s up Kevin? Where are you headed? I’m going to some new variety show, kind of scary since the kinks haven’t been worked out. But I’m excited, we should have fun hopefully, a good mix of people for the cast - ”
And Kibum just goes on and on and Kevin likes not being obligated to figure out the conversation. He’ll talk of Kiseop another day, when it isn’t it such an inconclusive case.
-
“So I hear U-Kiss is starting preparation for a comeback?” The interviewer asks, her eyes bright and her tone peppy.
Kevin almost shows how thrown off he is by the question, since their comeback as U-Kiss is supposed to be a secret. The company wants it on the downlow still, until they confirm everything or at least some basics - like venues and songs and dates and number of members participating, for god’s sake. In retrospect, however, Kevin doesn’t know why anyone tries to keep anything secret in this business anymore. There are always leaks and there always will be.
Case in point. “Um,” he stutters, because he can’t very well just say that she’s got it on the head and he isn’t so skilled an orator as to hint and tease and put his own colorful spin on the comeback, isn’t sure how to use it to his promotional advantage.
“Well, in a sense, we’re always ready for a comeback and I’m sure, um.” He’s no good at these things, talking with all the right words and inflections. He’s really awkward when it comes to sounding professional and decidedly not like an adolescent girl, and it is sad that he’s in his mid-twenties and his voice hasn’t changed much since adolescence, if at all.
“Uh,” he keeps trying, “the fact that Kiseop just got out of the military is contributing to the rumors. But it’s only been a month or so since he finished his term and management hasn’t discussed anything with us and we want him to rest and assimilate back into civilian life peacefully. Be on the lookout for us though, we haven’t forgotten about U-Kiss.”
She gives him this look that all reporters give him when they are trying to decide how to move next, how to pry the information out of Kevin no matter how unwilling he is to part with, just like a cat stalking prey. But then her cute smile is back and she is guiding him through the segue to the next joke.
-
There is an explosion of rumors when Eli is seen coming off an international flight from California. There’s that and then the fans keep piecing it together with his awkward, barely vague interview response.
“Can’t we just,” Kevin whines, “I don’t know, I’m tired of this game, let’s come clean.” He directs a very fierce glare at Soohyun since Soohyun is basically second in command over their promotional decisions because management’s found him that good at it.
“I know I know, why can’t we tell them straight away?” Soohyun shoots his own brand of nasty glare right back until Kevin drops his. Then he continues. “You know it’s because you need to prep the masses and get them excited and waiting for the product. It is a game, Kev, deal with it.”
Kevin pouts and the makeup artist taps him lightly on the cheek to remind him that he is actually in the middle of doing something. Soohyun waves as he starts to leave - he’s just passing by, he has Star King to film (it is still an honor among idols to guest on it and you don’t keep Star King waiting). Kevin settles for sighing, deep and weary and maybe a little bit dramatic, but keeps his face blank for make up application to go well.
-
They’ve all dispersed to their own little corners and spaces of the work room over creative differences and those having to choose side. Alexander is still insisting on his song and he even has lyrics this time around, along with an unfortunately catchy chorus melody. Dongho is still only concerned with the costume changes and elaborate dance numbers. Soohyun is just too horrified by the legitimate quality Alexander’s song is shaping up to have - in fact, Kevin’s pretty sure he’s having an identity crisis over it - to effectively do anything other than mess with lineup lists. At any rate, they are all working diligently.
Okay actually Kevin is spacing out and doodling on his notepad, but he’s really thinking - hard - about how this is going to work. The whole group has been rooting for the concert opening falling on July twenty ninth, in time for Dongho’s twenty second birthday. But Kevin is doing the numbers and going through all the prep work they have left - too much to count - and there isn’t really any way that is going to work out. The math, Kevin thinks despairingly, adds up to the opening landing on the spring of next year if they really hurry. They still haven’t figured out a solid playlist and then there’s the issue of Kiseop not being completely on board and no one knowing about that except for Kevin. That hold up alone could end up taking a lot of time, if Kiseop decides to back out.
If Kiseop really does leave the group, it strikes Kevin suddenly, horrifyingly, then the reunion concert could be set back, like, two years, or indefinitely and then everyone would hate Kiseop and it isn’t like Kevin doesn’t understand where Kiseop is coming from. He understands the pain and dull burn of the cheeks that comes from fans tacking ‘second-hand embarrassment’ and ‘awkward’ to the end of your name constantly until it is a piece of your identity. He really does get it and if everyone else starts being asses about it, he swears he’ll snap and leave too, screaming the whole goddamn way and -
“Kevin? Hey, Kev, you look kinda…weird. Is everything okay over there?” Kibum is packing his duffel up, getting ready to leave for his schedule and Kevin blinks himself out of his downward spiral of thoughts. Speaking of schedule, he should check that it’s not two yet because he has a hair appointment that he really can’t miss. He’s going redhead for his next single’s promotion.
“Kevin? Earth to Kevin?”
Kevin looks up at Kibum, and when their eyes meet Kevin realizes that okay, maybe he’d stay for Kibum. He does a lot for Kibum, like follows him throughout the past nine or so years and be willing to do it for nine or so years more, for eternity pretty much.
“Uh yeah,” he answers softly, “I’m fine.”
-
Kevin is sleeping because he has performed on MusicBank and he’s already had a full and rather disappointing day. Apparently, however, Eli is in the building and Eli has figured stopping by would be an awesome idea. Kevin doesn’t actually think waking up to Eli making pigeon noises is that great - also the curious camera and, oh Soohyun again, following Eli around make it more than a little annoying.
Kevin’s not going to lie, he’s sort of under some stress and in a bad mood and he’s forgotten that Soohyun’s birthday is today (the fans, he’s sure, would be disappointed; he went to America and crashed a modeling photo shoot last year for Eli, but he wasn’t trying to make a bad single float back then).
“Stoooop,” he groans, covering his face as soon as he sees the light on the camera that means zooming in and cue the fans screaming, “My face is swollen, I was sleeping.”
“You’re adorable with red hair!” Eli coos in wobbly Korean. It’s been a while, but at least it is understandable. He’ll be back in top form by next week.
“Happy birthday to me,” Soohyun is singing, pointing to himself and then to Eli and gesturing between them and the camera meaningfully, like he’s singing a ballad, “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday U-Kiss March babies, where’re our presents Kevin Woo?”
Kevin squints at them and pouts, something that probably makes his cheeks look bigger but too late for worrying about that. “I had a bad performance, I’m sleepy, why didn’t Xander hyung inform me of some diva party he’s throwing for your birthdays?”
“He’s in Hong Kong filming, I’m sure the Hong Kong media is well aware of our birthdays,” Eli answers, shrugging. “I think he mentioned he was throwing a huge Canto-VIP party in his house there for us. I guess we should be honored?”
Kevin laughs, the thought alone is so believable and undeniably Alexander that he can’t not, but while he does Soohyun is looking at him thoughtfully. Soohyun knows ‘bad performance’ is a euphemism for ‘bad song’. Knows Kevin is experienced enough to be able to predict how a song will fare against the competition. Soohyun is thinking and planning and being a PR genius all in the span of thirty seconds of silence.
“We’ll talk about this bad performance thing later.” He says cryptically, the ‘when there’s no camera around’ heavy, though not said, in Kevin’s mind.
Kevin recognizes the look in his eyes as a brainstorm and acknowledges with a little sigh that Soohyun is probably about to save his career for somewhere around the umpteenth time.
“Isn’t it funny,” Eli lightly says instead, “That we’re all getting ridiculously old but by gathering in one place we’re getting more media than the younger popular idols? Being in U-Kiss is kinda awesome.”
And Kevin hadn’t thought of it, but now that Eli says it, it is funny. Life’s funny in lots of ways.
next
Failure to recognize | Kibum/Kevin (U-kiss) | A reunion concert should not be this difficult to put together when your group is technically still together, right? | 7,200 words | a/n: My prompt was Bo Peep Bo Peep by T-ara and my assigned band to write about was U-Kiss. Then there was months of struggle, serious and hopeless edits, and in the end I left it hanging at a really cliffhangingly brillant spot. No really, it just kinda stops and there really isn't any definite resolution, but I can't bring myself to write anything else to it. I'm happy with where it is now.
---
He goes straight to the conference room once he wakes up and then after that the schedule says he’ll have recording for a MBC variety show. Soohyun and Alexander are already there when Kevin arrives and, half an hour in, Dongho shows up.
“Kibum’s manager said,” Dongho says on his arrival, “that Kibum is doing a small showcase. He’s not coming.”
Kevin is reluctant to start without Kibum, but it’s as much of a group meeting as they’re going to get until Eli gets back in the country and the Kiseop issue is cleared up and they can’t waste time. July is not that far away and they have barely started anything. Kevin is pretty sure there isn’t even a full song list sorted out yet. Soohyun, for one, is freaking out because if they could at least figure out how many new original songs they’re going to sing then he could figure out how many more songs he needs to write. He also needs to figure out how he’s going to balance composing those songs with his solo material and decide how many other songwriters he’ll need to come in to help the whole process along.
Soohyun has mentioned these reasons enough for Kevin to have them committed to memory, but it doesn’t make any of them move any faster towards getting things done. They haven’t been completely unproductive though. In a previous meeting Kibum had been babbling about some new color coordination theme for Man Man Ha Ni that he had been ridiculously excited about and unable to properly or coherently convey to anyone else. And then there’re things like old dances and dance remixes and new dances that Dongho is adamant on, solo spots and lineups to decide… The main problem is that there are unfinished plans all over the place and a lot to be done and they can’t waste time but keep doing just that.
“I want a track called Ride or Die Chick or else I am leaving this group!” Alexander shouts at the top of his lungs while standing on the table. Okay, Kevin thinks pessimistically, so maybe they’re actually discussing concert matters but it never lasts for long. Alexander hyung, for one, is phenomenal at saying stupid pointless things and dragging them on for an hour.
“No,” Soohyun whines, “There’s no poetic beauty to be found in something like that.”
“RIDE OR DIE OR ELSE.” Alexander shrieks, pointing menacingly at Soohyun, who sighs and walks away to the other side of the room, “LIKE HOW I AM RIDE OR DIE FOR THIS SONG.”
“Hyung, shut up and sit down.” Dongho says, rolling his eyes and heartlessly pushing Alexander off the table.
“Brat.” Alexander grumbles from his new place flat out on the floor.
“The most popular and the face of the group,” Dongho corrects imperiously, “So I do what I want.”
“Well Mister I-do-what-I-want,” Soohyun drawls, waving what looks to be Dongho’s phone in the air, “You’ve been on manager alert for the past ten minutes. He texts that the radio appearance has been moved up an hour and - ” Soohyun stops, stares at Dongho’s phone and then squeals, “Oh my god who is this, is this a girl, are you sexting someone - ”
Dongho snatches his phone away as he rushes out, “I am a twenty one year old man I can do that if I want.”
Soohyun still looks scandalized after Dongho is gone, and he grabs onto Kevin’s jacket desperately. “I swear he is still fifteen in my eyes, sexting? He‘s too young.”
Kevin winces at the amount of pressure Soohyun’s fingers are applying to his forearm through his jacket. “Sorry hyung? But we all have to grow up.”
“And he’s always been a slut, even back then,” Alexander contributes absently from the floor, staring long and hard at the half-done playlist lying on the table. He is probably planning a way to underhandedly slip his Ride or Die song in the program without anyone noticing.
But, Kevin thinks, at least there’s some hope that the list is going to start resembling something remotely close to completion by the end of today. It’s a start.
-
She’s a new idol, seventeen and fresh, and Kevin doesn’t remember her name. It’s forgettable, like her talent, but she’s got a great body and cute way of speaking - almost like a foreigner, even though she’s not, and that’s her thing, her niche.
“Oh my god Kevaaan,” she trills in accented English and Kevin works hard to keep a straight face. There are lots and lots of memories, lots of Kibum and Kiseop and Soohyun and Alexander - especially Xander hyung, actually - associated to that particular set of words. “Oh, my god, sunbae, you are so cool.”
“I, I speak Korean you know.” He tells her politely, in case she thinks he doesn’t. Maybe she wasn’t a U-Kiss fan and only got to know who he was through other idols. ‘He’s from America, he lived in California’ tends to be the first and only thing out their mouth about him, despite how many years he’s spent in Korea speaking mostly only Korean. ‘He looks like an alien, sort of’ they say, ‘he is still awkward, even at twenty four’, ‘he speaks English’. That is it, that is who he is, that is all to his name at first glance, despite his talent and his impressive and long repertoire. He is adorable and American and, so, by extension, cool and hip and exciting.
Sometimes the entertainment business and its images and ridiculous requirements make him want to just give up and crawl under his bedcovers, never to resurface again. He sometimes just wants to sing and be noticed for that, is that too much to ask?
She giggles and twirls her hair, “Oh. Well, I was wondering if - ”
And Kevin could guess where this is going, ‘if we can go out to dinner sometime, we’d boost each other’s media coverage’ or ‘if you could give me some advice, how do you stay in this business so long?’ maybe something a little more obscene, but that’s not quite as likely and -
And his phone vibrates loudly, cutting her off. He’s got a call, probably one of his bandmates or his manager, maybe his mom, maybe Eli even, but then again Eli’s still in the States and the rates are insane, so no. “Excuse me.” He bows his head as he takes out his phone. It’s Kibum, of course. “Hello?”
“It’s Kiseop, a fan sighting so it’s reliable, he’s at home, go.” And then Kibum hangs up, like Kevin’s agreed to play along with this weird plot thing they’ve got going. Kevin sighs because he knows it makes no difference what he thinks.
“I’ve got to go,” he tells the girl, “Sorry, it’s really important. See you.”
He gives her his smile and she nearly swoons and Kevin leaves, used to it.
-
So the weird thing is, after Dongho got his first drama role and Soohyun took the company up on their offer to record a solo album and Eli asked for a break to go back home for a month and Kibum devoted most of his time to producing some beats for other artists with his brother and Alexander got his first talk show, Kevin and Kiseop were kind of left hanging.
“What the hell, no heads up?” Kevin had confronted Kibum, because Kibum had always been the only one Kevin had been comfortable enough with to confront, to be completely honest with, the only one who had been there with him when he was sixteen and disappointed and suddenly handling a lawsuit.
“What do you mean?” Kibum had looked up from his ipod, confusion written all over his face, so real and raw and plain to see that Kevin had dropped it. Made do with a quick, “Kidding!” and a smile and went on to find a solo contract for himself.
Maybe Kevin had been complacent and maybe Kiseop hadn’t seen the signs, but they had been the two left with no plans. Management said, “Solo activities take precedence over the group now,” and everyone scattered away without any warning. So Kevin is still a little hurt over that, harboring some bitterness he shouldn’t. And Kevin can’t figure out if Kiseop is the same way - he went and enlisted in the army right after they started solos and he’s just now getting out, laying low.
Kevin doesn’t have schedule right now. He’s on a lunch break that his manager expects him to use for networking, but he doesn’t want to. So he heads over to Kiseop’s apartment like he was told.
Kiseop doesn’t answer his door the first two times Kevin rings. Too bad for Kiseop that Kevin knows he’s in there. The few stalker fans outside in the parking lot ensure that the Internet would hear if he left.
“Kiseop,” Kevin calls through the door, “Kiseop, you know avoiding us is pointless, right?” Just for good measure, he bangs on the door a little. “Kiseop! I’m on a tight schedule, please!”
Finally, with that push of guilt, Kiseop unlatches and opens the door and peers uncertainly out at Kevin. “Hm,” he mock considers, at least his sense of humor is still the same, “Should I let you in?”
Kevin rolls his eyes and forces his way inside. “Out of everyone who could have shown up I’m probably, like, second best. And only because we all know how in love you and Eli are.” As Kiseop shuts the door, he makes himself comfortable on the couch. The living room is very clean. So clean that it is almost like no one is living here and that’s really unsettling to someone who is so constantly on the move there’s no time to be meticulous and tidy.
“Why’re you so uptight and antisocial lately? We’ve been calling you.” Kevin asks when Kiseop enters.
Kiseop sighs and runs a hand through his fuzz for hair. It still hasn’t grown out from the military buzz cut - not much time has passed since he finished his service, even though for Kevin a month seems like an eternity - and it’s a little strange. Kiseop always had the long hair for his look, the coordi noonas never cut it shorter than they had to. “I think the fans will get mad soon. You know how they are.”
Yeah, they always find something to get mad over. “Why? I mean, sure, the antis will start showing up, but the stalkers have been ecstatic since you got out a couple weeks back. They,” there’s an implied ‘everyone’ in his tone, “are just waiting for you to make a public statement and - ”
Kiseop sits down suddenly and tensely in a chair across from the couch and drops the bombshell. “I’m thinking about not doing the concert.”
Kevin blinks emphatically: once out of reflex of how to deal with the unexpected, twice because it takes another second to process that. “…What?”
Kiseop shifts uncomfortably, back still straight as a rod. “I mean. I. I know some fans are blaming me for U-Kiss not releasing anything sooner, and I just. I don’t know, I’m thinking about taking a break. Or quitting.”
You went into the military way early to get away from everybody how much more of a break do you need, Kevin wants to scream at him but he keeps composure. “Yeah, there are some fans against you, but if you do the concert then no one has anything to complain about, right? I mean, we’re still U-Kiss. Without you…” Without you we’ve just as well as broken up, Kevin thinks, and that’s the opposite of what everyone wants. Even Kiseop, even if Kiseop doesn’t know that yet.
Kiseop shrugs and he can tell that there’s no reasoning with Kiseop right now. He’s in a mood. Kevin cracks his neck slowly, breathing in and then out, calming himself to think clearly.
“Don’t say that to anyone outside the group,” he says quietly, “I mean, at least talk about it with all the other members before making a statement or telling management. It should be a group decision if we’re breaking up - ” Saying it out loud makes it seem possible, like unalterable reality. It is the one thing Kevin has never said before because he didn’t think it would ever happen. “Jesus Christ Kiseop, why do you always dump these things on me? First the military thing,” he still remembers telling everyone else and Dongho full out punching him for ‘not stopping Kiseop from making the stupidest decision ever’, “Now this?”
Kiseop smiles a little. “I don’t know, you’re just always really good at listening?”
Kevin wishes he wasn’t when it means he has to break this kind of news to the band.
-
The KBS building is large so seeing people you know is expected, a given. It is a social networking place, like a club, only there is no scandal for meeting there. At the exact same time the KBS building is large, so seeing people you know or, more particularly, are looking for is not the easiest thing in the world to work out. It’s one of those stupid situations where it never works out in you favor: you see the people you don’t want to see and can’t find the ones you do.
Which category Kibum falls into, Kevin hasn’t decided yet, and for that reason Kevin would rather not see him. If he does then he will have to tell Kibum about Kiseop. He could lie, but would that help anything?
Maybe he will just keep quiet until Kiseop decides. The hardest decision ever has presented itself and Kevin wants to be left alone to weigh the pros and cons. And here Kibum is, of course, waving and smiling and bouncing over and bound to be ‘endearingly’ obnoxious, if not just obnoxious outright.
“Kevin!”
He smiles and waves back, “Hyung, hi.”
Kibum invades his personal space - not that he minds - and slings a comfortable arm over his shoulders. An old friend, an old gesture, Kevin is used to the weight of this customary hello. “What’s up Kevin? Where are you headed? I’m going to some new variety show, kind of scary since the kinks haven’t been worked out. But I’m excited, we should have fun hopefully, a good mix of people for the cast - ”
And Kibum just goes on and on and Kevin likes not being obligated to figure out the conversation. He’ll talk of Kiseop another day, when it isn’t it such an inconclusive case.
-
“So I hear U-Kiss is starting preparation for a comeback?” The interviewer asks, her eyes bright and her tone peppy.
Kevin almost shows how thrown off he is by the question, since their comeback as U-Kiss is supposed to be a secret. The company wants it on the downlow still, until they confirm everything or at least some basics - like venues and songs and dates and number of members participating, for god’s sake. In retrospect, however, Kevin doesn’t know why anyone tries to keep anything secret in this business anymore. There are always leaks and there always will be.
Case in point. “Um,” he stutters, because he can’t very well just say that she’s got it on the head and he isn’t so skilled an orator as to hint and tease and put his own colorful spin on the comeback, isn’t sure how to use it to his promotional advantage.
“Well, in a sense, we’re always ready for a comeback and I’m sure, um.” He’s no good at these things, talking with all the right words and inflections. He’s really awkward when it comes to sounding professional and decidedly not like an adolescent girl, and it is sad that he’s in his mid-twenties and his voice hasn’t changed much since adolescence, if at all.
“Uh,” he keeps trying, “the fact that Kiseop just got out of the military is contributing to the rumors. But it’s only been a month or so since he finished his term and management hasn’t discussed anything with us and we want him to rest and assimilate back into civilian life peacefully. Be on the lookout for us though, we haven’t forgotten about U-Kiss.”
She gives him this look that all reporters give him when they are trying to decide how to move next, how to pry the information out of Kevin no matter how unwilling he is to part with, just like a cat stalking prey. But then her cute smile is back and she is guiding him through the segue to the next joke.
-
There is an explosion of rumors when Eli is seen coming off an international flight from California. There’s that and then the fans keep piecing it together with his awkward, barely vague interview response.
“Can’t we just,” Kevin whines, “I don’t know, I’m tired of this game, let’s come clean.” He directs a very fierce glare at Soohyun since Soohyun is basically second in command over their promotional decisions because management’s found him that good at it.
“I know I know, why can’t we tell them straight away?” Soohyun shoots his own brand of nasty glare right back until Kevin drops his. Then he continues. “You know it’s because you need to prep the masses and get them excited and waiting for the product. It is a game, Kev, deal with it.”
Kevin pouts and the makeup artist taps him lightly on the cheek to remind him that he is actually in the middle of doing something. Soohyun waves as he starts to leave - he’s just passing by, he has Star King to film (it is still an honor among idols to guest on it and you don’t keep Star King waiting). Kevin settles for sighing, deep and weary and maybe a little bit dramatic, but keeps his face blank for make up application to go well.
-
They’ve all dispersed to their own little corners and spaces of the work room over creative differences and those having to choose side. Alexander is still insisting on his song and he even has lyrics this time around, along with an unfortunately catchy chorus melody. Dongho is still only concerned with the costume changes and elaborate dance numbers. Soohyun is just too horrified by the legitimate quality Alexander’s song is shaping up to have - in fact, Kevin’s pretty sure he’s having an identity crisis over it - to effectively do anything other than mess with lineup lists. At any rate, they are all working diligently.
Okay actually Kevin is spacing out and doodling on his notepad, but he’s really thinking - hard - about how this is going to work. The whole group has been rooting for the concert opening falling on July twenty ninth, in time for Dongho’s twenty second birthday. But Kevin is doing the numbers and going through all the prep work they have left - too much to count - and there isn’t really any way that is going to work out. The math, Kevin thinks despairingly, adds up to the opening landing on the spring of next year if they really hurry. They still haven’t figured out a solid playlist and then there’s the issue of Kiseop not being completely on board and no one knowing about that except for Kevin. That hold up alone could end up taking a lot of time, if Kiseop decides to back out.
If Kiseop really does leave the group, it strikes Kevin suddenly, horrifyingly, then the reunion concert could be set back, like, two years, or indefinitely and then everyone would hate Kiseop and it isn’t like Kevin doesn’t understand where Kiseop is coming from. He understands the pain and dull burn of the cheeks that comes from fans tacking ‘second-hand embarrassment’ and ‘awkward’ to the end of your name constantly until it is a piece of your identity. He really does get it and if everyone else starts being asses about it, he swears he’ll snap and leave too, screaming the whole goddamn way and -
“Kevin? Hey, Kev, you look kinda…weird. Is everything okay over there?” Kibum is packing his duffel up, getting ready to leave for his schedule and Kevin blinks himself out of his downward spiral of thoughts. Speaking of schedule, he should check that it’s not two yet because he has a hair appointment that he really can’t miss. He’s going redhead for his next single’s promotion.
“Kevin? Earth to Kevin?”
Kevin looks up at Kibum, and when their eyes meet Kevin realizes that okay, maybe he’d stay for Kibum. He does a lot for Kibum, like follows him throughout the past nine or so years and be willing to do it for nine or so years more, for eternity pretty much.
“Uh yeah,” he answers softly, “I’m fine.”
-
Kevin is sleeping because he has performed on MusicBank and he’s already had a full and rather disappointing day. Apparently, however, Eli is in the building and Eli has figured stopping by would be an awesome idea. Kevin doesn’t actually think waking up to Eli making pigeon noises is that great - also the curious camera and, oh Soohyun again, following Eli around make it more than a little annoying.
Kevin’s not going to lie, he’s sort of under some stress and in a bad mood and he’s forgotten that Soohyun’s birthday is today (the fans, he’s sure, would be disappointed; he went to America and crashed a modeling photo shoot last year for Eli, but he wasn’t trying to make a bad single float back then).
“Stoooop,” he groans, covering his face as soon as he sees the light on the camera that means zooming in and cue the fans screaming, “My face is swollen, I was sleeping.”
“You’re adorable with red hair!” Eli coos in wobbly Korean. It’s been a while, but at least it is understandable. He’ll be back in top form by next week.
“Happy birthday to me,” Soohyun is singing, pointing to himself and then to Eli and gesturing between them and the camera meaningfully, like he’s singing a ballad, “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday U-Kiss March babies, where’re our presents Kevin Woo?”
Kevin squints at them and pouts, something that probably makes his cheeks look bigger but too late for worrying about that. “I had a bad performance, I’m sleepy, why didn’t Xander hyung inform me of some diva party he’s throwing for your birthdays?”
“He’s in Hong Kong filming, I’m sure the Hong Kong media is well aware of our birthdays,” Eli answers, shrugging. “I think he mentioned he was throwing a huge Canto-VIP party in his house there for us. I guess we should be honored?”
Kevin laughs, the thought alone is so believable and undeniably Alexander that he can’t not, but while he does Soohyun is looking at him thoughtfully. Soohyun knows ‘bad performance’ is a euphemism for ‘bad song’. Knows Kevin is experienced enough to be able to predict how a song will fare against the competition. Soohyun is thinking and planning and being a PR genius all in the span of thirty seconds of silence.
“We’ll talk about this bad performance thing later.” He says cryptically, the ‘when there’s no camera around’ heavy, though not said, in Kevin’s mind.
Kevin recognizes the look in his eyes as a brainstorm and acknowledges with a little sigh that Soohyun is probably about to save his career for somewhere around the umpteenth time.
“Isn’t it funny,” Eli lightly says instead, “That we’re all getting ridiculously old but by gathering in one place we’re getting more media than the younger popular idols? Being in U-Kiss is kinda awesome.”
And Kevin hadn’t thought of it, but now that Eli says it, it is funny. Life’s funny in lots of ways.
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