I can't sleep
I'm exhausted and overtired (in a 'why hasn't mummy put me to bed yet' way) and my eyes are killing me from being open too long and it's three forty-one in the morning and I can't bloody well sleep.
How can 'Firths' be the long word on text twist and 'Sh*t' isn't acceptable? For that matter, why isn't 'piss' allowed, but 'pee' is?
My foot is itchy and I kind of want to shower again, but I'm worried that will wake me up even more.
Tonight a close friend of mine got excellent news (which I can talk more about in a couple days) so instead of going home and crashing we had fun. Then I came home just in time to catch TDS and TCR which were both esselente.
Then? Here comes my fatal mistake. I dragged myself off the couch (almost didn't have the energy for this) and came to bed. Only to start reading. A book I was half way through. I'm so tired it took me about an hour and a half to read about as many pages. I only read like 175 pages in that time. Finished the book and now?
Gah.
I think too much. I realise this is a surprise to absolutely no one. But I think too much.
I'm probably going to regret this in the morning, but I feel like making a couple of confessions and a couple of resolutions. I never talk about hopes because then when I don't make myself accomplish things the only person who needs to know my failure is me. But obviously that's not working.
The confessions:
I suck at going on auditions. I don't have a good audition prepared, I haven't checked Artsearch or Backstage or even Playbill in ages.
Money is incredibly tight and I can't make myself ask my parents for my money.
I haven't called the Kaplan people back yet.
My room is still a mess.
I'm scared no one's even going to notice my birthday, which has become a big deal for me mentally for some weird reason.
The resolutions:
Create an up-to-date modelling portfolio - including new shots which I desperately need.
Get modelling work.
Audition. The fuck. Out of. Everything.
Make sure my resume's up to date and start sending to casting agents and agents.
Call the Kaplan people back; schedule the audition; get the job.
Apply for schools. All of them. As a birthday present.
Only one of those can I immediately do tomorrow. And I should. But the rest I at least need to start working on.
I think one of my greatest ambitions in life is to get to a point where sleep comes easily; my brain is calm enough to let me sleep at night. Without the judicious application of vodka and cranberry juice, a la my uncle for a long time. They say alcoholism runs in families. No one ever mentions that this might be a convenient side effect of genetic-killer-brains.
Holp! Holp!
How can 'Firths' be the long word on text twist and 'Sh*t' isn't acceptable? For that matter, why isn't 'piss' allowed, but 'pee' is?
My foot is itchy and I kind of want to shower again, but I'm worried that will wake me up even more.
Tonight a close friend of mine got excellent news (which I can talk more about in a couple days) so instead of going home and crashing we had fun. Then I came home just in time to catch TDS and TCR which were both esselente.
Then? Here comes my fatal mistake. I dragged myself off the couch (almost didn't have the energy for this) and came to bed. Only to start reading. A book I was half way through. I'm so tired it took me about an hour and a half to read about as many pages. I only read like 175 pages in that time. Finished the book and now?
Gah.
I think too much. I realise this is a surprise to absolutely no one. But I think too much.
I'm probably going to regret this in the morning, but I feel like making a couple of confessions and a couple of resolutions. I never talk about hopes because then when I don't make myself accomplish things the only person who needs to know my failure is me. But obviously that's not working.
The confessions:
I suck at going on auditions. I don't have a good audition prepared, I haven't checked Artsearch or Backstage or even Playbill in ages.
Money is incredibly tight and I can't make myself ask my parents for my money.
I haven't called the Kaplan people back yet.
My room is still a mess.
I'm scared no one's even going to notice my birthday, which has become a big deal for me mentally for some weird reason.
The resolutions:
Create an up-to-date modelling portfolio - including new shots which I desperately need.
Get modelling work.
Audition. The fuck. Out of. Everything.
Make sure my resume's up to date and start sending to casting agents and agents.
Call the Kaplan people back; schedule the audition; get the job.
Apply for schools. All of them. As a birthday present.
Only one of those can I immediately do tomorrow. And I should. But the rest I at least need to start working on.
I think one of my greatest ambitions in life is to get to a point where sleep comes easily; my brain is calm enough to let me sleep at night. Without the judicious application of vodka and cranberry juice, a la my uncle for a long time. They say alcoholism runs in families. No one ever mentions that this might be a convenient side effect of genetic-killer-brains.
Holp! Holp!