a letter i wrote to a friend a long time ago

Jul 10, 2003 13:38

I don't much care for plain white bits of paper. I want everything around me to be painfully beautiful. Most people find me to be too intense. I scare people. I am always afraid. I have too much inside of me; someday I shall explode violently in a mass of colors I usually keep hidden. Does it matter that I'm handsome? What if I were not? I wish I lived a thousand years ago. I don't think I belong here.
There is too much beauty for everything to have happened by chance. God has shown himself to me but I've forgotten what He looks like. Do you wonder what it would be like to live forever? What would you do? I don't think that even forever would be long enough for me.

Already I cannot see your face. Does God really hate people like us? Why don't people stop hurting eachother? Why is modern life so hard? Why is modern life so superficial? What is truly gained by material acquisition? Why is love so impossible?

Where is enlightenment found? What is a soul? Do animals have souls? Do people? Where is truth found? In religion? In the self? In drugs? Or is everyone the bearer of a small bit of it, and must we search each individual to find out our own true purpose in life? What is wrong with me? What is right? Why am I so scared of action? Why can't I feel alive without other people? Is solitude the same as death? Why is everything so clear when I'm on lsd? I am only truly happy when I'm seeing things that don't usually exist. If you read all of this, I am very impressed.

Sagoni sanasi moni söþös,
Vostesi govali sagolost.
Vastgomost vdanida moni more
Lalian läneklost ännivi.

for d.
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