another awesome day
Today...today I did nothing. I was suppose to study with Chris, but he was like "i'm working on a project just give me about 30 to 45 minutes" and hour later he was like "not quit done need another 45 minutes" and soon enough it was 4:30 and i couldn't go over then because it was too late and Becca would be home soon. So I was online. And John came online..or I guess it wasn't him. And it was his cousin "Nicole" and she talked to me- heaven for bid. So John was going to sign her off. And so he mentioned that I choose not to talk to him...and that that is the way it is now. So as you can imagine..I got depressed again after that. I can't stop thinking about him. LIke...how in the world do I improve this? There is no answer there is no way to make it better. I could go out with him. or I could deminish him from my existance..forever. Awesome choices. Loven 'em! He doesn't even know or want ot know what he "did" - as he is assuming it was one thing and I just got mad about it, and now I don't want to talk to him. Cuz Guys are cool and abservant like that. So- he is stubborn he is not going to call me, but i shouldn't call him- because that's groveling-and that just starts the game over again. And so it goes forever and ever in a cirle. and doesn't improve. and i can't take it anymore- Dis respect and isolation of our relationship. It's rediculous. He needs like a crash course on how to take care of a women. Weither it's for dating them or for being their friends. And me being ...cool like I am- wants to put him through that schooling..but of course I am sure he doesn't need it- ahem. As he is thinking. Yeah, but John if you read this, It was only cool in high school to treat your "girlfriends" like shit in front of your friends. TO make you look big and strong and independant. Now- guys just realize-the smart ones-with girlfriends along with all the girls that you are fucking moron for doing that shit. You can't treat any women like that. Your mom should have never aloud you to speak down to her. Now you speak down to all girls- and its retarded. And I took it, like a joke, thinking I could help ween you out of the process but instead just got to be the worst victum of it in all. I can't take any more dis-respect and abuse. Phil has this all mighty thing- that like if he is standing somewhere..RIGHT in my way. Like in front of the silverware drawer, and he knows I have to get in there. and I go over, and i say exuse me. He will not move. To show me like...he is the "dad" and he doesn't have do anything he doesn't want. What the fuck is that? Who are you proving it to ? there is no one else around, I just think your a fucking moron, so just move. You don't look cool, you don't look tough, and it certainly doesn't make me respect you, it just makes me more angry at you. The other day my cookies burned becasue I asked him to move away from the stove like 3 times, and he decided...he wasn't done standing over there. What the fuck is that? Why are guy so fucking retarded????? anyone anyone? What malfunction is in their brain- that tells them. that it's ok to do that shit? ONly if their dad did it to them- and they made sure that when they were big and tough, they would do the same thing. Because its gradifieing feeling of power? Wow your a fat bastard and your covering up the cupboard, stove or closet or blocking my way to get in the door, when it's freezing outside. Someone..must think..your ..real macho UUUUHHH!!! It's Bullshit. GROW UP. When I'm talking he never looks at me. I'm sorry did I do something to you? Like when I was younger, sprayed acid in your eyes when you acknoledged me as a human being? So now you can't look at me? Not quit sure
TOnight I went to pick up some things at my ex office- where i was violently ripped from my job, and stabbed in my back several times, in secret. What is wrong with people? If you are made at someone, or if they suck at their job, please- humor me, just fucking tell them. DOn't go behind there back and fill in their job and then when they go down to sit at there desk notice that there name isn't on teh list anymore. I go in there- and I pick up my stuff since they can't have me working there anymore since..there isn't "anything for me to do" which i find enormously funny because they are there everyday from 10am to 11pm surely you must have something for me to do..but ANYWAY! So I go in, and turn on my computer, and they changed the password, so I can't get in it anymore, and they took my dry erase board, and erased everything I had on it, and put "up comming MOVIE" and had a list of people who were on it...and it was like..from my cast..2nd on teh list was Tawyna the one who replaced me and made a better debbie..even though she can't really sing..but that's ok. She makes a better person because she is more sexual/slutty and plays the part so much better. And she can take direction I guess so much bettter! Oh thank heavens SO! Those little fuckers have had like 3 more plays they have signed up for , they are now doing a movie, and when they lightly fired my ass from the only source of income I had-they told me,there will be more plays, we will use you again. UH!! I can't believe..why is this happening to me? I have never been so emotionally raped in my life. I just feel like total crap. I'm so sick of everything. I need to move far away. And just...forever live by myself. I can't take anymore. GRRRRRRRaAAchah!!!!!!
TOnight I went to pick up some things at my ex office- where i was violently ripped from my job, and stabbed in my back several times, in secret. What is wrong with people? If you are made at someone, or if they suck at their job, please- humor me, just fucking tell them. DOn't go behind there back and fill in their job and then when they go down to sit at there desk notice that there name isn't on teh list anymore. I go in there- and I pick up my stuff since they can't have me working there anymore since..there isn't "anything for me to do" which i find enormously funny because they are there everyday from 10am to 11pm surely you must have something for me to do..but ANYWAY! So I go in, and turn on my computer, and they changed the password, so I can't get in it anymore, and they took my dry erase board, and erased everything I had on it, and put "up comming MOVIE" and had a list of people who were on it...and it was like..from my cast..2nd on teh list was Tawyna the one who replaced me and made a better debbie..even though she can't really sing..but that's ok. She makes a better person because she is more sexual/slutty and plays the part so much better. And she can take direction I guess so much bettter! Oh thank heavens SO! Those little fuckers have had like 3 more plays they have signed up for , they are now doing a movie, and when they lightly fired my ass from the only source of income I had-they told me,there will be more plays, we will use you again. UH!! I can't believe..why is this happening to me? I have never been so emotionally raped in my life. I just feel like total crap. I'm so sick of everything. I need to move far away. And just...forever live by myself. I can't take anymore. GRRRRRRRaAAchah!!!!!!