i was thinking...
if i hadnt moved, i would have been awake for approximately 10 minutes, getting ready for the first day of my senior year at st agnes, wondering what the year was going to be like without all my already-graduated friends... im not sure why, but somehow the fact that that isnt what im doing right now, clarifies a split in my life. the fact that im not about to hop in scooter dave to drive down 59, but instead scooter is sold to some guy, im not enrolled in st agnes, and im sitting here wondering if ill get lost the first day of school, sort of defines for me where the path i chose to take is really starting to make a difference.
i was thinking about it last night, and i think im starting to understand what moving means. i realized that i still feel like im going back to sugar land at some point, like it will all be ok when i go back home, and i can go to all the places i miss. and while i miss weird things, like the smell of the big fort bend county library, or the mayo on panera sandwitches, it doesnt change the fact that im simply not living there anymore. i guess thats it though- its not simple. i think my mind accepts living here, it just doesnt really get it. its really hard to explain, i just figure i have alot more 'figuring things out' in front of me. its not necessarily a bad thing, just sorta weird. what i think will be really funky though is that im pretty sure that my parents, once the assignment is through, are going to move back to sugar land since thats where dad's work is. so when i come home from college, itll really mess with my head. its kinda like wishing you could see or talk to someone who just died again, that they would just come back to life. but then you realize that if you knew that they just died, and they walked into your living room, you would be freaking out and just want them to leave again.
i dont know how else to explain that right now, and im pretty sure that didnt make much sense, but i didnt figure it would.
by now- 7am central time- i would have been on the road, trying to combat all the new construction.
i was thinking about it last night, and i think im starting to understand what moving means. i realized that i still feel like im going back to sugar land at some point, like it will all be ok when i go back home, and i can go to all the places i miss. and while i miss weird things, like the smell of the big fort bend county library, or the mayo on panera sandwitches, it doesnt change the fact that im simply not living there anymore. i guess thats it though- its not simple. i think my mind accepts living here, it just doesnt really get it. its really hard to explain, i just figure i have alot more 'figuring things out' in front of me. its not necessarily a bad thing, just sorta weird. what i think will be really funky though is that im pretty sure that my parents, once the assignment is through, are going to move back to sugar land since thats where dad's work is. so when i come home from college, itll really mess with my head. its kinda like wishing you could see or talk to someone who just died again, that they would just come back to life. but then you realize that if you knew that they just died, and they walked into your living room, you would be freaking out and just want them to leave again.
i dont know how else to explain that right now, and im pretty sure that didnt make much sense, but i didnt figure it would.
by now- 7am central time- i would have been on the road, trying to combat all the new construction.