I AM A MEXICAN HOMEOWNER
I thought NIN wasn't together anymore? I was pretty positive I read a news story from one of the many fine, legitimate news sources that I frequent proclaiming Trent Reznor had finally contracted AIDs from all of the cocks he likes to suck and then tragically killed himself by a tragic self-induced drowning in a tragic tub filled with tragic(yet poetic)liquids like absinthe and black rose water. I guess I'm wrong though, since they are still making shitty synth music for dungeon and dragon nerds. JUST WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS.
I can't count the number of times I've gone to update this fucking thing and couldn't think of absolutely anything to say. I still can't, and it's weird because I have so much shit happening to me every day to write about, but I can't bring myself to suffer through even thinking about most of it. The medicroity and fucking LAMENESS I encounter everywhere and from everyone is show-stopping. I cannot believe that there so many of these animals, posing as bona fide human beings. Driving cars and holding jobs and wearing pants. Eating and breathing and fighting and fucking one another with enlongated pieces of silicone-rubber(or polyerethene or Cyberskin, which is apparently a patented substance) and beating their dogs and injecting PCP into their assholes and hanging from meat hooks in the ceiling and drinking high-fructose corn syrup and cutting their spouse's brake lines and reading stories about boys fucking their grandpa and sending naked pictures to vindictive assholes on the internet and drawing lame comics about their futile lives and trying to bring children into pornography stores and talking on their cel phones about it the whole time.
"On the subway today, a man came to me to
start a conversation. He made small talk,
this lonely man, talking about the weather
and other things. I tried to be pleasant
and accommodating, but my head began to
hurt from his banality. I almost didn't
notice it had happened, but I suddenly
threw up all over him. He was not pleased,
and I couldn't help laughing."
They say that among all professions, service industry workers such as bartenders and waitstaff are the best tippers. Lawyers and doctors are among the worst.
That's okay. You can keep your four bucks, and I'll keep fucking your wife while you're out playing golf.
A meeting today of some sort, if I remember correctly. The tone is somber. The sakki is imminent. I go forward, my heart of stone and my skin of gold. I face my future. I eat an orange. I manifest myself within a vast scape of nothingness. Muu overtakes me. I am one with my ancestors. I need a bath. Axe body spray will make women have spontaneous sex with you.
Or so I'm told. I'm saving myself for marriage, you see. I don't believe in pre-marital sex, because my arcane and implausable religion tells me so. So my girlfriend and I both took solemn vows of celibacy, as symbol of our love in the eyes of the deity we worship. On the night of our wedding, after we force our friends and family to endure an excrutiatingly drawn-out traditional service where a clergyman will somehow try to tie our sacred day in with the evils of homosexuality, we will be whisked away on our honeymoon. That night, under a moonlit sky, after a glass or two of the matrimonial wine, we will settle into slumber as husband and wife, and I will feast on the fruit of our vigilance and determination to keep my new bride's vagina pure and untouched. And my untouched penis, fresh and washed in the divinity of our holy pact, unsullied even by my own hands in forbidden mastabatory experimentation(once I intentionally brushed it while urinating in a way that gave me a small sensation of pleasure, but I assure you good people that I have since atoned and received penance for this act), will spring forth and be presented. Finally, in the eyes of our god, we will consummate our eternal matrimony and finally be husband and wife, as He intended(read: no fag marriage).
Until that day, we stand resolute. The bible says none but a husband and wife may lay in a procreative manner, and we obey. Sometimes the temptation is maddening, as our young and nubile harmones grip us at times, and seeks to weaken our resolve. In times such as these we pray, or hold hands and talk, staring lovingly into one another's eyes and sharing our innermost thoughts and secrets supportively. We can go for walks in the park, admiring the beauty and glory that our god has bestowed on all of humanity to enjoy. We can go see G or even PG-13 movies, as long as they aren't contreversial or attempt to uproot the laws and words of our god. We can go to church, and seek the help of the clergy in helping to overcome our carnal desires. We can bake cookies, or sing songs, or ride bikes, or help the poor and needy. Or she can just suck my cock or I can just fuck her in the ass, because it's a fantastic loophole that stupid out-of-control teenage christian hooligans like us employ because, while we hate our parents and want to rebel like crazy, we've been brainwashed by the Fear of Hell and are in forced compliance with our god's law.
SIDs.
I can't count the number of times I've gone to update this fucking thing and couldn't think of absolutely anything to say. I still can't, and it's weird because I have so much shit happening to me every day to write about, but I can't bring myself to suffer through even thinking about most of it. The medicroity and fucking LAMENESS I encounter everywhere and from everyone is show-stopping. I cannot believe that there so many of these animals, posing as bona fide human beings. Driving cars and holding jobs and wearing pants. Eating and breathing and fighting and fucking one another with enlongated pieces of silicone-rubber(or polyerethene or Cyberskin, which is apparently a patented substance) and beating their dogs and injecting PCP into their assholes and hanging from meat hooks in the ceiling and drinking high-fructose corn syrup and cutting their spouse's brake lines and reading stories about boys fucking their grandpa and sending naked pictures to vindictive assholes on the internet and drawing lame comics about their futile lives and trying to bring children into pornography stores and talking on their cel phones about it the whole time.
"On the subway today, a man came to me to
start a conversation. He made small talk,
this lonely man, talking about the weather
and other things. I tried to be pleasant
and accommodating, but my head began to
hurt from his banality. I almost didn't
notice it had happened, but I suddenly
threw up all over him. He was not pleased,
and I couldn't help laughing."
They say that among all professions, service industry workers such as bartenders and waitstaff are the best tippers. Lawyers and doctors are among the worst.
That's okay. You can keep your four bucks, and I'll keep fucking your wife while you're out playing golf.
A meeting today of some sort, if I remember correctly. The tone is somber. The sakki is imminent. I go forward, my heart of stone and my skin of gold. I face my future. I eat an orange. I manifest myself within a vast scape of nothingness. Muu overtakes me. I am one with my ancestors. I need a bath. Axe body spray will make women have spontaneous sex with you.
Or so I'm told. I'm saving myself for marriage, you see. I don't believe in pre-marital sex, because my arcane and implausable religion tells me so. So my girlfriend and I both took solemn vows of celibacy, as symbol of our love in the eyes of the deity we worship. On the night of our wedding, after we force our friends and family to endure an excrutiatingly drawn-out traditional service where a clergyman will somehow try to tie our sacred day in with the evils of homosexuality, we will be whisked away on our honeymoon. That night, under a moonlit sky, after a glass or two of the matrimonial wine, we will settle into slumber as husband and wife, and I will feast on the fruit of our vigilance and determination to keep my new bride's vagina pure and untouched. And my untouched penis, fresh and washed in the divinity of our holy pact, unsullied even by my own hands in forbidden mastabatory experimentation(once I intentionally brushed it while urinating in a way that gave me a small sensation of pleasure, but I assure you good people that I have since atoned and received penance for this act), will spring forth and be presented. Finally, in the eyes of our god, we will consummate our eternal matrimony and finally be husband and wife, as He intended(read: no fag marriage).
Until that day, we stand resolute. The bible says none but a husband and wife may lay in a procreative manner, and we obey. Sometimes the temptation is maddening, as our young and nubile harmones grip us at times, and seeks to weaken our resolve. In times such as these we pray, or hold hands and talk, staring lovingly into one another's eyes and sharing our innermost thoughts and secrets supportively. We can go for walks in the park, admiring the beauty and glory that our god has bestowed on all of humanity to enjoy. We can go see G or even PG-13 movies, as long as they aren't contreversial or attempt to uproot the laws and words of our god. We can go to church, and seek the help of the clergy in helping to overcome our carnal desires. We can bake cookies, or sing songs, or ride bikes, or help the poor and needy. Or she can just suck my cock or I can just fuck her in the ass, because it's a fantastic loophole that stupid out-of-control teenage christian hooligans like us employ because, while we hate our parents and want to rebel like crazy, we've been brainwashed by the Fear of Hell and are in forced compliance with our god's law.
SIDs.