wow everything is so gay
im sick of school and people. this fight between my friends and apparently myself, (dont know how that happened but i was told today i was mad at a bunch of people and i had no idea!) was blown out of proportion, its all about feelings, and im thinking that nobody can help how they feel about anything or anybody, these things happen, if people could control how they felt there would be no such thing as love or marraige or anything happy or pure for that matter. i just feel really irritated cuz now i have to go apologizing to everyone and i have no idea what i did wrong, i think i may know how guys feel now, when they're "expected" to know what they did wrong and im thinking im never gonna do that to Nate ever again cuz its terribly confusing and semi annoying. i miss the way things used to be when we were younger and all this bullshit didnt matter and we all thought boys were yucky and they had "cooties" and we chased them around the playground due to a child-like form of hormones we werent aware of. i think everything happens for a reason and i always have. i think your senior year is the defining moment in a friendship, because this determines who you plan to keep in touch with when its all over with, and who you dont care to ever see again. i love everyone, and i hope to see all of my friends after i graduate, but i wonder sometimes if they feel the same way about me? do i matter? does anyone i know really truley care to see me ever again when all is said and done and we make that last journey across that stage? i wonder if after all the pictures are taken and all the smiles and hugs given and the tears are shed if they're secretly thinking "definately never ever gonna try to make contact with that bitch again". i dunno how things will end up, and for that im glad because ignorance is bliss, but it is a strange thing to ponder. everything just can get so badly mis-constrewed sometimes that it gets hard to determine who is your freind and who your "mad at" from one day to the next and quite frankly im finished, im not mad at anyone and i think its real gay when people put thoughts in my head and words in my mouth that were never there to begin with. so whoever reads this i forefeit i honestly dont care anymore, no more high school fights causing more drama, never again i quit. this thing will blow over and be long forgotten even though it may seem like a freakin tragedy now i swear to god there will be better days. its so gay how the shit that happens in high school seems so huge when like a year from now you'll look back and think "o my christ, i wasted time worrying about that, when i could've been.....fuckin washing my hair!". shit happens, thats life we grow we change we move on with our lives.