This week I did not find a job...
I did learn that I do not have tuberculosis or cervical cancer. Dude, let me tell you. Even if you are expecting the test results, there's nothing weirder than answering your phone and hearing a stranger say they were just calling to inform you that you don't have cervical cancer.
I planned, organized and carried out a food drive. The food drive was held in a pretty upscale neighborhood of apparently Fitzgeraldian decadence. I mean, really. Who donates candy necklaces and cooking wine to a food bank? I can understand the cheetos and rice cakes and diet coke to some degree, but really? Candy necklaces?
I also inadvertently hosted a seven hour pool party on the same day as the food drive. Then I went to church and chased four year olds for a couple of hours while their parents were culturally enriched.
I found out it is possible to actually suffer from not enough salt. That one sort of sucked. I was staying with some friends and couldn't really get up in the middle of the night and ask someone for a salt lick. The next morning I woke up early and drove home and put myself on a diet of Chef Boyardee and popsicles for the rest of the day.
I helped de-worm goats. Last time I helped de-worm goats I got an engagement ring, but sometimes de-worming goats is just de-worming goats.
I read two long novels. I reached a point where I struggled to discern reality from fiction. When I started speaking Martian to my future brother-in-law I decided that it was time to cut back on science fiction.
When my roommate asked if anything in the river could eat her I lied. In an uncharacteristic show of self-restraint I told her that only fishes and turtles lived in the river. I was afraid that if I told her the truth she would skip a tubing activity with her friends. Later Andrew called her and told her the truth, that the last time we went canoeing we saw two alligators and a snake. Luckily, she got the message after she made it out of the water alive, so she decided to allow me to live.
Man, writing it out like this makes me feel productive despite my glaring lack of employment, but it's probably just an illusion. I didn't mention that I also got caught up in the EJ-Sami-Lucas love triangle on "Days of our Lives" and stayed up one night late enough to watch "Access Hollywood" which comes after "The Late Late Show With Craig Fergusen." Quality stuff. Sometimes I wish we had more than one channel.