(no subject)

[supercell43]

Perhaps I found it. The one thing that this place has never had, perhaps it's many things but I know that this is one. Walking home from orchestra and playing past favorites on the iPod, I found what I'd lost. Something that every day of high school produced in abundance, a sense of future. Maybe that's why I love being at home. Because I can see it there. And everything that it is, everything that future holds is something amazing and possible. I was shivering, and it wasn't from the cold, it was the excitement. Honestly, what was running through my head wasn't something that will likely ever happen but just entertaining the thought was a relief. And that's just what I need, what I haven't had since I left on August 26th or whatever. That's why I've wanted to set back time so badly to that moment, I think, because that's when my sense of future died. I honestly can't see the future through the glasses I'm forced to look through here. Maybe that will change, and maybe it wont. But I can see....clearly now the rain is gone (just kidding), I can see something. It's cliche to say without hope you have nothing but ultimately it's true, if it wasn't it wouldn't be a cliche. I have failed every time I try to write or say or just yell all the angry shit that has built up inside me since I got here. But something happened with that music today. It's ok. And this bio test I'm sure to fail in less than an hour suddenly doesn't matter. Strangely I knew all this before. In fact, before my physics test when I felt as prepared as a newborn baby, I drove for an hour around town, listening to music, just soothing my soul, calming myself down by saying that there is so much beyond this, and I was perfectly fine. Perfectly fine. And that's the truth, there is so much beyond this test, this year, this place. So much to look forward to, so much to love, so much to live.

And that wins the award for cheesy endings but honestly, right now, the world could use a little more cheese.