(no subject)
Bad day.
It's tough to try seeking out support when I already have such a deep loathing for the trans community as a whole. As individuals, most of them are great. When they get into a group of larger than 2 or 3, there's a good chance (I'd say about 33%) that asshattery will reach critical mass.
There is a large amount of assattery in any special interest group. Lots of gay men are quite hostile to other gay men who might embody stereotypes such as waifish figure, limp wrist, etc. They see such guys as drawing unwanted homophobic attention. Meanwhile some guys who do embody some queer male stereotypes might look at less stereotypically gay men and accuse them of "buying into heteronormativity."
Lesbians have some issues too. WIth the amount of personal investment in gender theory and philosophy (perhaps due to a heightened awareness of discrimination, both as women and as queers), many lesbians tend to be extremely hostile to all varieties of transsexuality; out of fear, they often refuse to step outside their safety zone of penis vs. vagina, and protect themselves from the fearsome cock, and from those like me who just wish we had one. I've witnessed a significant amount of hostility towards submissive identity among some more sexually dominant lesbians; they often get really, really hostile to lesbians who like to be penetrated, e.. by a dildo, because as we all know, dildo=penis and penis=man and therefore, man=the source of all evil.
As for hostility towards bisexuality, well, most groups have it in for the bi community. But you see some infighting there too: you've got the "real" bisexuals sitting on their high horses denouncing "high school girls" (ageism much?) who make out with other girls at parties "just to get a guy's attention." Sure, of course it happens sometimes. So what? Would that everyone all over the world could live in a society where they can experiment at a party with someone of the same gender and not get imprisoned (or worse).
The trans community seems particularly bad (I say this after trying to find my way through lesbian and bi communities all over the damn place). Don't give me this "not every transperson is like that;" I get that part. Also, please don't try and turn my beef with the trans community into a beef with transsexuality either- if you do, try and remember who you're talking to.
It just seems like there are two extremes: trans support groups with an overwhelming amount of bitchiness and infighting between the "trans-enoughs" and the "confused outsiders," and then there are the really, really "nice" groups. You know the type- the groups that are so nice and supportive that no one really wants to grow a set and call someone out when they say something really out of line (such as transsexual people who actively distance themselves from genderqueers because they "make us look bad."). That isn't support for anyone, that's walking on eggshells. I would gravitate towards the latter type of group, but only if there were someone with a firm hand at the helm. None of this non-hierarchical bullshit, there needs to be some clear leadership. Maybe more than one person, and perhaps some representation of various gender identities to give leadership an illusion of legitimacy.
When someone in said group says something out of line (such as "I really don't like calling and mtf 'she' until after he's had 'the surgery,'"- one I've heard a few times before), none of this pussyfooting. None of this "Well, we should be really nice; s/he just needs to be educated." What needs to happen is that someone needs to say unequivocally: "What you said was really, really out of line, and here's why....." There's nothing gratuitously mean about that; it's firm and right to the point. Sometimes education involves jolting people out of their comfort zones. You can't jolt them if you're always holding their hand through every single bloody step....
It's tough to try seeking out support when I already have such a deep loathing for the trans community as a whole. As individuals, most of them are great. When they get into a group of larger than 2 or 3, there's a good chance (I'd say about 33%) that asshattery will reach critical mass.
There is a large amount of assattery in any special interest group. Lots of gay men are quite hostile to other gay men who might embody stereotypes such as waifish figure, limp wrist, etc. They see such guys as drawing unwanted homophobic attention. Meanwhile some guys who do embody some queer male stereotypes might look at less stereotypically gay men and accuse them of "buying into heteronormativity."
Lesbians have some issues too. WIth the amount of personal investment in gender theory and philosophy (perhaps due to a heightened awareness of discrimination, both as women and as queers), many lesbians tend to be extremely hostile to all varieties of transsexuality; out of fear, they often refuse to step outside their safety zone of penis vs. vagina, and protect themselves from the fearsome cock, and from those like me who just wish we had one. I've witnessed a significant amount of hostility towards submissive identity among some more sexually dominant lesbians; they often get really, really hostile to lesbians who like to be penetrated, e.. by a dildo, because as we all know, dildo=penis and penis=man and therefore, man=the source of all evil.
As for hostility towards bisexuality, well, most groups have it in for the bi community. But you see some infighting there too: you've got the "real" bisexuals sitting on their high horses denouncing "high school girls" (ageism much?) who make out with other girls at parties "just to get a guy's attention." Sure, of course it happens sometimes. So what? Would that everyone all over the world could live in a society where they can experiment at a party with someone of the same gender and not get imprisoned (or worse).
The trans community seems particularly bad (I say this after trying to find my way through lesbian and bi communities all over the damn place). Don't give me this "not every transperson is like that;" I get that part. Also, please don't try and turn my beef with the trans community into a beef with transsexuality either- if you do, try and remember who you're talking to.
It just seems like there are two extremes: trans support groups with an overwhelming amount of bitchiness and infighting between the "trans-enoughs" and the "confused outsiders," and then there are the really, really "nice" groups. You know the type- the groups that are so nice and supportive that no one really wants to grow a set and call someone out when they say something really out of line (such as transsexual people who actively distance themselves from genderqueers because they "make us look bad."). That isn't support for anyone, that's walking on eggshells. I would gravitate towards the latter type of group, but only if there were someone with a firm hand at the helm. None of this non-hierarchical bullshit, there needs to be some clear leadership. Maybe more than one person, and perhaps some representation of various gender identities to give leadership an illusion of legitimacy.
When someone in said group says something out of line (such as "I really don't like calling and mtf 'she' until after he's had 'the surgery,'"- one I've heard a few times before), none of this pussyfooting. None of this "Well, we should be really nice; s/he just needs to be educated." What needs to happen is that someone needs to say unequivocally: "What you said was really, really out of line, and here's why....." There's nothing gratuitously mean about that; it's firm and right to the point. Sometimes education involves jolting people out of their comfort zones. You can't jolt them if you're always holding their hand through every single bloody step....