Frustrating...
So...Mary and I are moving in 4 days. This whole thing is getting really frustrating, and is making me question whether we're going to make good roommates. First of all, Mary and I have very different tastes. I like eclectic-looking, older buildings and she is more interested in having everything new and updated. This I don't mind much, since we wound up finding a place that suited both of our interests well. Unfortunately, my sister is slightly spoiled (by my parents, I think), and seems to believe we have all this extra money to re-furnish the place. Sometimes I think that Mary considers herself more well-off than she actually is. I know I can't afford to re-decorate an entire apartment...
Aside from that, I'm still dating the Bear and things are going well. His divorce proceedings were initiated by his ex-wife and I caught a glimpse of her this weekend when she dropped the dog off at his house. She looked very glamorous and I felt a twinge of panic that I wasn't as pretty as she.
We went to a housewarming party at Alex and Brent's apartment. They got a new puppy, Oreo. She's really sweet and a great dog! It made me miss Prudy a little. We got drunk and started talking. Bear opened up about his marriage to his ex-wife and talked about his crazy expensive wedding. Although I know I'd never want a huge spectacle of a wedding, part of me thought "if I ever married him, I could never live up to the wedding he had with her." I know these thoughts are not helpful or good for me to have, but I can't help thinking them sometimes. Matt made some comment about Bear being devoted to me, and he agreed so that felt nice.
I dunno. I know Bear is uncomfortable introducing me as his gf. He always just calls me "Kristen" when introducing me to his friends. I'm sure people know who I am, but the conversation gets weird when people ask how we know each other. For example, at this BBQ this weekend, he introduced me to some girl, then he went to go get some food for us and a beer for me. He came back, and was talking to some dudes while I was talking to this chick. She goes, "So, how do you know the guys?" I was like, "Oh, I'm [Bear's] girlfriend." She goes, "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't know!" So I dunno. It makes me feel like he wants me, but is treading lightly with the whole idea of me being his girlfriend. Not that I really blame him or judge him too harshly on the subject. He is going through a divorce after all. It must be tough for him as well.
All in all, he treats me really well and I know he really likes me. He had dinner with my mom and sister this weekend, and she really liked him. He's also talking about meeting my dad when he comes down for my birthday in Nov. So, all of those milestones seem to be passing along well. We've been dating for 3 months now, and the time has really flown.
Mostly, I get nervous when it comes to the future. I already know I'm falling for him. Dare I say it, I have fallen in love with him. It's really scary, considering I haven't felt this way about anyone since David, and we all know how well that turned out. I know Bear isn't there yet, and it will probably take him some time before he decides how he feels about me. I am being patient and enjoying him for now. His company might land a project in LA, which would mean he would have to move to LA for a year. If that happens, I'm not sure we'll make it or even if we should stay together. I am trying to be better at letting things come and dealing with them when they happen. But I am a classic Type-A person, and if I feel out of control, I tend to freak out a little.
I also still don't have a job. It's going to be weird to see how our relationship changes after I start working. There's a good possibility I may have to move to El Centro for 4 months for training if I land this job. I dunno. maybe he has it right in being careful with the whole girlfriend/boyfriend thing. I'm not even sure I am going to stay in SD. I don't know if he even wants a girlfriend while he's getting a divorce.
All I know, is that I'm happy with him. He makes me ridiculously happy, and it's the best sex I've ever had in my life. He cracks me up, and we have the best time together. So, for now I'm sticking it out, dealing with the unknown and enjoying the Bear while I have him....
Aside from that, I'm still dating the Bear and things are going well. His divorce proceedings were initiated by his ex-wife and I caught a glimpse of her this weekend when she dropped the dog off at his house. She looked very glamorous and I felt a twinge of panic that I wasn't as pretty as she.
We went to a housewarming party at Alex and Brent's apartment. They got a new puppy, Oreo. She's really sweet and a great dog! It made me miss Prudy a little. We got drunk and started talking. Bear opened up about his marriage to his ex-wife and talked about his crazy expensive wedding. Although I know I'd never want a huge spectacle of a wedding, part of me thought "if I ever married him, I could never live up to the wedding he had with her." I know these thoughts are not helpful or good for me to have, but I can't help thinking them sometimes. Matt made some comment about Bear being devoted to me, and he agreed so that felt nice.
I dunno. I know Bear is uncomfortable introducing me as his gf. He always just calls me "Kristen" when introducing me to his friends. I'm sure people know who I am, but the conversation gets weird when people ask how we know each other. For example, at this BBQ this weekend, he introduced me to some girl, then he went to go get some food for us and a beer for me. He came back, and was talking to some dudes while I was talking to this chick. She goes, "So, how do you know the guys?" I was like, "Oh, I'm [Bear's] girlfriend." She goes, "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't know!" So I dunno. It makes me feel like he wants me, but is treading lightly with the whole idea of me being his girlfriend. Not that I really blame him or judge him too harshly on the subject. He is going through a divorce after all. It must be tough for him as well.
All in all, he treats me really well and I know he really likes me. He had dinner with my mom and sister this weekend, and she really liked him. He's also talking about meeting my dad when he comes down for my birthday in Nov. So, all of those milestones seem to be passing along well. We've been dating for 3 months now, and the time has really flown.
Mostly, I get nervous when it comes to the future. I already know I'm falling for him. Dare I say it, I have fallen in love with him. It's really scary, considering I haven't felt this way about anyone since David, and we all know how well that turned out. I know Bear isn't there yet, and it will probably take him some time before he decides how he feels about me. I am being patient and enjoying him for now. His company might land a project in LA, which would mean he would have to move to LA for a year. If that happens, I'm not sure we'll make it or even if we should stay together. I am trying to be better at letting things come and dealing with them when they happen. But I am a classic Type-A person, and if I feel out of control, I tend to freak out a little.
I also still don't have a job. It's going to be weird to see how our relationship changes after I start working. There's a good possibility I may have to move to El Centro for 4 months for training if I land this job. I dunno. maybe he has it right in being careful with the whole girlfriend/boyfriend thing. I'm not even sure I am going to stay in SD. I don't know if he even wants a girlfriend while he's getting a divorce.
All I know, is that I'm happy with him. He makes me ridiculously happy, and it's the best sex I've ever had in my life. He cracks me up, and we have the best time together. So, for now I'm sticking it out, dealing with the unknown and enjoying the Bear while I have him....