Original Story: Fractures
Fractures
„You need to talk about it.“
“About what?”
“How you feel.”
“I don’t know how to feel. Never have.”
You know there’s something you missed on your way to where you are now. You are empty, hollow inside. Lack of motivation maybe or it could be the not caring. You don’t know exactly. You don’t want to know.
You just want to forget. Forget about the days when everything went up and down, without direction, and the nights you spent sleepless, lying in your bed and staring at the ceiling while trying to find a solution. You still do sometimes but you still don’t get what you are looking for. Probably never will.
“Why don’t you talk to me?”
“I talk to you.”
“No, you just listen to me.”
“Oh. There’s a difference between that?”
Just too often you realize there is something that sets you apart from the majority. It doesn’t make you an outsider. Not really, anyway. Laughing along with your mates doesn’t make you a member of them, though. But it’s still better than listening to raised voices at home or hearing what a disappointment you are.
You can’t stand it when someone dares to ask you why you are so quiet. You don’t know what to answer to that because you don’t know the answer either way. So you shrug your shoulders, silently withdrawing from intruding questions.
“Sorry, what did you just say?”
“It’s not important.”
“It sure sounded like something big, man.”
“Uh, no. It’s nothing, really.”
It’s always the same. When you finally decide to let something of your so carefully built brick wall slip, your sudden strength vanishes in a millisecond. It’s like crying and being laughed at. They always ask you to talk, but when you’re ready they don’t see. It’s like they don’t care. Eventually you are confirmed in your point.
You retreat. Bottle up all the things you wanted to say. But you never found the right person and you are too aware that maybe you’ll never find the one who listens to all your stuff. To you it seems like it’s your faith.
“You sure you want to do that?”
“What do you think?”
“That maybe I can help you.”
“No-one can. Certainly no-one does.”
I appreciate every review I get. So please don't make me unhappy.
*hugs*
Steph