Painful Growing
I use to LOVE Thursdays, it was my favorite day of the week. Now, I dread them. Well ok I dont dread them, but its been 3 weeks since Ben broke up with me (he did it 3 weeks ago if you dont get what im saying here). Anyway, today is up and down. I only had one class today, my other 2 got canceled. I was excited but kinda sad at the same time because *sigh* I get lonely...
Oh well, I miss Ben a lot today. I realized I dont love who he is anymore, I love the old him. I miss him too. I feel like Im grounded again though, like I can stand on my own two feet without someone helping me. I keep wondering and asking God though WHY Ben has changed so much and why I feel just so miserable about it. I just miss him... Oh well, I cried today for just a little short while, Im trying to cut back because Im kinda breaking out in some weird rash thing on the side of my face from all of this stress! Stupid boys...
My aim is not working and I have like an hour before Marcus and I have planed to go work out soo I feel completely disconnected from the world. BLAH! Im just so lonely... But then again Im really happy. Its so up and down. Its weird because during choir, it all just hit me. I started crying right then and there. But I just prayed for God to do his will in my life. I keep praying for his will, I keep praying that God will show me what I need to do and how I need to do. All I hear is "Wait". Waiting is fine and dandy with me, I just wish it didnt hurt so much. I guess out of pain comes growth.
Oh and just by the way, school is wonderful and I have no doubt in my mind that I am doing the right thing by being here. Even if Ben is breaking my heart. I love everyone else and everything about the school too much for that to ruin it for me. I LOVE CENTENARY!
Oh well, I miss Ben a lot today. I realized I dont love who he is anymore, I love the old him. I miss him too. I feel like Im grounded again though, like I can stand on my own two feet without someone helping me. I keep wondering and asking God though WHY Ben has changed so much and why I feel just so miserable about it. I just miss him... Oh well, I cried today for just a little short while, Im trying to cut back because Im kinda breaking out in some weird rash thing on the side of my face from all of this stress! Stupid boys...
My aim is not working and I have like an hour before Marcus and I have planed to go work out soo I feel completely disconnected from the world. BLAH! Im just so lonely... But then again Im really happy. Its so up and down. Its weird because during choir, it all just hit me. I started crying right then and there. But I just prayed for God to do his will in my life. I keep praying for his will, I keep praying that God will show me what I need to do and how I need to do. All I hear is "Wait". Waiting is fine and dandy with me, I just wish it didnt hurt so much. I guess out of pain comes growth.
Oh and just by the way, school is wonderful and I have no doubt in my mind that I am doing the right thing by being here. Even if Ben is breaking my heart. I love everyone else and everything about the school too much for that to ruin it for me. I LOVE CENTENARY!