Heart Don't Forget
it was so long ago that i lost my best friend ryan
he was my world
my life
my everything
they say time heals everything... but im still waiting
i remember finding out sometimes i swear the pain is still just as bad at it was the moment it sunk it that he was gone
i wanted to rip down walls with my bear hands
and i felt like i could have
it was bull shit
why him?
why me?
take someone else
thats all i could think of
all the other people in the world that deserved to die
and how they shouldve died
they shouldve died so ryan could live
thats when all the "mental problems" started
the psyciatrists the medications
i wasn't crazy
i wasn't schitzophrenic
i wasn't an insomniac
i wasn't anorexic or tempermental or any of the other things the fucking doctors said i was
i was heartbroken
i didn't hear voices, i heard a voice
i heard ryan's voice
yea it drove me crazy
to turn around and expect to see him smiling at me and see no one there
and not only that but to be hit with the harh reality that he couldn't be calling me
he couldn't be there
but i knew he was
i felt him touch my hair moments before i got the call
and i felt him touch my shoulder as i cried on the floor when i hung up
i even turned and said "ryan's dead"
i thought it was my brother
no one was there
no one was even in the fucking house
i didn't sleep at all for days and until i got meds i barely slept at all
that was so much later
so much later that they didn't even imagion that could be the cause
the meds didn't even work at first
cuz i felt him
it scared me so much
i ran into my moms room and stayed they for the rest of the night
but w.e.
i ts still such BS to me
it was BS when Ryan Anctil died and when Eua Zhang died, when Tara's papi died, even when Holly died.
None of them deserved to die
i know people who do
and they were so far from it
Eua was amazingly smart, Holly amazingly talented, Ryan Diggory was just plain amazing and Ryan Anctil never hurt anyone
serial killers can live but the people who are gonna go places have to die
its fucking bull shit
why would it work like that
i dont even know
i had to vent
i love and miss Ryan so much...
id give anything to have him back