::blank::
in case you're wondering... i'm still here.
yup.
can i tell you how lonely i am? well even if you don't want to hear it, i'm going to tell.
i've been putting my room back together for the past 2 days. i've been doing a damn good job at it, too. i have a sense of organization previously unknown for my room at home. not only did i dust, put pictures in frames, and rearrange some furniture, i actually put a bedskirt on my bed. no lie.
this may all seem like an accomplishment, but let me tell you how i really feel right now.
really freakin lonely.
i assumed (and you know what they say about assuming) that i would come home and people would be excited to see me. that i would start working right away. that it would take me weeks to unpack because i didn't have any downtime because i was too busy being socially productive.
well guess what.
i was wrong. really really horribly incorrect.
you know what makes it hurt even more? there's no one here to at least make it FEEL like someone actually wants me around. i briefly spoke to ben before (and i've been "briefly" speaking to him for a week now) and he was humming on the phone. i probably spent a good 20 minutes of our 30 minute conversation silently crying. when i finally told him that i was sad at home, i spoke for just a couple minutes before he interrupted and said "hey i really wanted to get to bed by midnight." alright then. you go on to bed. i'm just going to keep sitting here crying. no problems. none at all. good-night. i only just started opening up but it's ok that's fine you go on to bed and get some rest so you can have a good day tomorrow sleep well.
when all i really want to say is "please don't you slip away, too."
and to match the fact that i haven't been able to finish a single thought to another human being, i'm going to cut this short because who's going to notice anyway?
"man it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has. lord it takes a lonely one to wish that she had never dreamt at all... oh how we shouted, how we screamed 'take notice, take interest, take me with you.' but all our fears fall on dead ears." -dashboard confessional
yup.
can i tell you how lonely i am? well even if you don't want to hear it, i'm going to tell.
i've been putting my room back together for the past 2 days. i've been doing a damn good job at it, too. i have a sense of organization previously unknown for my room at home. not only did i dust, put pictures in frames, and rearrange some furniture, i actually put a bedskirt on my bed. no lie.
this may all seem like an accomplishment, but let me tell you how i really feel right now.
really freakin lonely.
i assumed (and you know what they say about assuming) that i would come home and people would be excited to see me. that i would start working right away. that it would take me weeks to unpack because i didn't have any downtime because i was too busy being socially productive.
well guess what.
i was wrong. really really horribly incorrect.
you know what makes it hurt even more? there's no one here to at least make it FEEL like someone actually wants me around. i briefly spoke to ben before (and i've been "briefly" speaking to him for a week now) and he was humming on the phone. i probably spent a good 20 minutes of our 30 minute conversation silently crying. when i finally told him that i was sad at home, i spoke for just a couple minutes before he interrupted and said "hey i really wanted to get to bed by midnight." alright then. you go on to bed. i'm just going to keep sitting here crying. no problems. none at all. good-night. i only just started opening up but it's ok that's fine you go on to bed and get some rest so you can have a good day tomorrow sleep well.
when all i really want to say is "please don't you slip away, too."
and to match the fact that i haven't been able to finish a single thought to another human being, i'm going to cut this short because who's going to notice anyway?
"man it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has. lord it takes a lonely one to wish that she had never dreamt at all... oh how we shouted, how we screamed 'take notice, take interest, take me with you.' but all our fears fall on dead ears." -dashboard confessional