This Is John Galt Speaking
I was just re-reading a draft of an e-mail I never sent (doing a little spring-cleaning everywhere), and these few paragraphs are really worth saving:
Most men don't want to be my friend. Men never want me to just be their friend. So many men seem to see me as a blank slate that they can project whatever they're most wishing for at the moment, whether it's a Good Time Sally or an artistic muse or a little sister or a Den Mother or, God help me, the mother of their future men's right activist children. They don't want me. They don't even care who I am. They want whatever woman they've made up in their head, and they're just holding auditions until they find a close enough approximation. (To be fair a lot of women do that too--most who are looking for "Prince Charming", in fact. But I digress.) A few people have said I'm a good cosplayer, despite the fact that I just wear the costumes rather than making them, because I'm a chameleon. I somehow manage to look like whoever I'm dressing up as. Maybe it's because I don't have a face of my own, I don't know. But at least when I'm cosplaying I'm doing it on purpose.
I'm tired of fending off other people's expectations. I really am. I'm tired of people seeming to want my friendship, and then getting offended when it turns out that they really wanted more, expected more, felt they DESERVED more. They felt that they earned my love and adoration by being "nice", and I have somehow cheated them by not granting it--as if people had any control over who they fell in love with! You can suppress love, I suppose, if you know it's no good for you, but you sure as hell can't manufacture it.
So...I'm out. I quit. I'm so tired of second-guessing every guy's motivations. I'm so tired of losing people I thought were friends. I'm so tired of hurting actual nice guys, because some of them are genuinely nice, not all of them--not even most of them--are just looking to "get their dick wet", they're looking for their Disney Princess or their forever home, and that's fine, but I'm just not looking. I had a lot of fun during my Year of Yes and going out and doing things. But it's just...it wasn't worth it. I'm tired. And then you add *that* to the constant, Constant, CONSTANT political bickering, getting more and more emotional and less and less rational every goddamn day and...forget it. I go on strike. I cannot stop the motor of this world, I'm not John Galt and I'm not important enough that anyone will even notice I'm gone, let alone miss me enough for it to make an impact, but I can save my time and energy for *me*. I haven't gotten every achievement in The Sims 3 yet. That'll probably keep me busy for a good long time.
Most men don't want to be my friend. Men never want me to just be their friend. So many men seem to see me as a blank slate that they can project whatever they're most wishing for at the moment, whether it's a Good Time Sally or an artistic muse or a little sister or a Den Mother or, God help me, the mother of their future men's right activist children. They don't want me. They don't even care who I am. They want whatever woman they've made up in their head, and they're just holding auditions until they find a close enough approximation. (To be fair a lot of women do that too--most who are looking for "Prince Charming", in fact. But I digress.) A few people have said I'm a good cosplayer, despite the fact that I just wear the costumes rather than making them, because I'm a chameleon. I somehow manage to look like whoever I'm dressing up as. Maybe it's because I don't have a face of my own, I don't know. But at least when I'm cosplaying I'm doing it on purpose.
I'm tired of fending off other people's expectations. I really am. I'm tired of people seeming to want my friendship, and then getting offended when it turns out that they really wanted more, expected more, felt they DESERVED more. They felt that they earned my love and adoration by being "nice", and I have somehow cheated them by not granting it--as if people had any control over who they fell in love with! You can suppress love, I suppose, if you know it's no good for you, but you sure as hell can't manufacture it.
So...I'm out. I quit. I'm so tired of second-guessing every guy's motivations. I'm so tired of losing people I thought were friends. I'm so tired of hurting actual nice guys, because some of them are genuinely nice, not all of them--not even most of them--are just looking to "get their dick wet", they're looking for their Disney Princess or their forever home, and that's fine, but I'm just not looking. I had a lot of fun during my Year of Yes and going out and doing things. But it's just...it wasn't worth it. I'm tired. And then you add *that* to the constant, Constant, CONSTANT political bickering, getting more and more emotional and less and less rational every goddamn day and...forget it. I go on strike. I cannot stop the motor of this world, I'm not John Galt and I'm not important enough that anyone will even notice I'm gone, let alone miss me enough for it to make an impact, but I can save my time and energy for *me*. I haven't gotten every achievement in The Sims 3 yet. That'll probably keep me busy for a good long time.