Where is my head..

[sunpuddle]

I won't share my problems with you anymore. I never meant to put any burdens on you. I've never really had anybody to talk to, so I guess I tried talking to you because I feel closest to you. I'm sorry

Comments

[pianoship]

Whoa whoa whoa I'm... really sorry. I'm just being selfish, and jealous... please, please don't keep things to yourself. It's not fair to you at all, me being all "wah wah I hate that guy" all the fucking time. I will -always- listen, always... sometimes it just gets so frustrating though. I always want to tell you to tell him to go fuck himself. But I get that relationships and shit are about.. compromise and all that. So I have to sit here and try to think rationally about your problems... and it's difficult and I'm immature, so my immediate reaction is "wah I hate everything". I never meant for you to think I don't want to listen... haha, though I guess "I really tire of hearing blah blah" pretty much sounds that way. Fuck. I just.... ugh, I don't know. I get upset when he makes you unhappy, and I can't do anything about it and can't offer you any advice... so it just gets so frustrating. And that's where most of it comes from. I can't. Do. Anything. It fucking kills me to know you're angry, or sad.

I don't want it to ever end, and I'm so terrified it will because you... will have to move on and you know... family.... marriage.... and I'm going to be stuck here watching. I'm not joking when I say I've had nightmares about it. I'm scared shitless of being left behind. I want to meet you so badly--and I wasn't kidding when I said I was putting away for it... I'm just scared. You know, typical 'ah she won't like me' issues... and I thought I wasn't allowed to visit until my crush 'went away'.

Shiiiit I'm so emotional.

I -don't- want it to ever end. And as long as I have a say in the matter, it's not.
If I were so angry and hated hearing about your problems... believe me.... I'd have blocked you and fallen off the face of the planet. And you know I'm good at that.
I'm in this for the long haul, and you're fucking stuck with me... I know I'm a selfish brat, and I'm really trying to get over that, I promise I am. I just... you know.... get depressed.

Because yeah, I love you, shut up Skyler.
I just get... frustrated.
I never meant that I wanted you to close yourself off.

[pianoship]

ha... hahah
It's nice to know I can't even filter things properly.
Now I feel even worse.

God.

Yeah, if I were you, I wouldn't even want to talk to me after that.
And I won't blame you if you don't.

There's no excuse.

I'm just being selfish, and I know I'm going about it rudely and it's disgusting. It's not an issue of me not wanting to hear your problems, it's an issue of me being jealous of him and we've been over it. Many times.

God I'm such an idiot. I was screaming to myself there and it's pretty much unforgivable. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I don't want you to hate me for this but I'll understand if you do. Those words were all so out of line and disgusting, I'm so fucking sorry. I was just depressed and upset over shit that I guess isn't even my business to be upset over. I mean I have the right to be upset that my best friend is being treated like that but I guess like... you know.... not to that extent, and not to the level that I have to be a fucking cunt about it.

Shit, I'm so sorry.
And if you're really angry at me... I get it... I deserve it.