Posting two versions of this seems appropriate

[sunnyskywalker]

I wrote two versions of the same idea, in a long(er) and a short version, and now I'm almost more interested in the differences between the two versions than in the idea itself. Cutting something down from 277 words to 100 words changed the story radically, for all that they appear similar superficially. The different implications you get when you

Comments

[baleanoptera]

I'm going to go with long - simply because it gives it more depth. I think depth is necessary since the story deals with issues that stretch across a certain amount of time. Had the story's focus been shorter in time then perhaps fewer words had been needed. Does that make sense?

Also longer version contained this:

"pro: conform to social norms, continue Royal House of Alderaan; con: risk conflict with Han, continue House of Vader")

which I loved. ;)

[sunnyskywalker]

Yes it does! It's good to get that feedback, because part of the experiment was testing the limits of how much I could leave implied in a story involving more than one fictional moment, decision, or idea (which is what my other drabbles focus on, even when they bring in some backstory). I felt that the lower limit was around 175 words in this case, but I wanted what would happen if I kept going, and other people's reactions (because one of the main points is communicating, and I want to see what is perceived how!).

I liked that the process of condensing a story past that limit highlighted some of the unconscious choices I'd made that I hadn't seen just reading and thinking about the story. I think I can use this as a tool in the future - condensing something too far, seeing what turns up, and incorporating anything I like into the "real" version. I'll have to try stretching something too sometime.

I'm glad you liked that line. I had fun with it :)

[baleanoptera]

I think I can use this as a tool in the future - condensing something too far, seeing what turns up, and incorporating anything I like into the "real" version.

Oh absolutely. How much can you take away before the story looses its emotional resonance? That said i do think the short version has the best opening line. It's so direct and filled with hurt.
The opening line on the long version is more vague, and therefore the story needs more words to get it going.

I'm glad you liked that line. I had fun with it :)

It was a very good line - and it managed to be funny, poignant and so very Leia all at the same time. Go you!

short=good

[plasticinecupid]

Sorry I'm a bit late commenting on this one. I prefer the short version, actually. Just having given each a single read through, I find the shorter version more clear. In "A Weighty Decision," I wasn't crystalsure that Leia going into the Force trance has a direct connection to her decision not to have children in the second part of the story. The longer version seems less cohesive. That isn't to say it's incohesive; it's good too. But the sparser language of "Two Roads Diverged" highlights the action rather than the characters' musings, which I think is a great strategy for implying action (ie, what Leia's doing in the Force trance that isn't explained) because the characters' thoughts aren't as likely to derail the reader from a subtle plot point. Both versions are quite good, though. Maybe try combining some of the punchier lines from the first and not limiting the shorter version to a specific word count?

Thanks for posting such a fun read!

Re: short=good

[sunnyskywalker]

Thanks for the feedback! Trying to figure out what makes things clearer was one of my goals, so this helps. I liked some of the things that got sharper in the short version while feeling it was a little too short, so I like your idea of combining the best of both.

Re: short=good

[plasticinecupid]

:D That's an awesome exercise; and I can see the positive effect it has on your style, which has been concise and elegant for as long as I've known you. Downsizing seems to also help with structure, which I find enouraging, as I struggle with plot. Doing more of these kind of exercises would probably help me too!

A while ago I was reading a Charles D'Ambrosio story in a prize anthology (the O. Henry Prize, i think), and according to his bio Charles revised the story hundreds of times. It's an agressive, desperate way of writing, like sculpting large monuments. Incidentally, I know someone who got in a fist fight with D'Ambrosio... But here I go getting all nonlinear.

If you do more revisions of any of these shorts, I hope you post them too so that people can keep reading ^)