Two scary words- "open relationship"
So in case you haven't seen it on facebook, Wes and I are in an open relationship. This has been one of the hardest things I have had to do but I think it is what I need to do. I tried it for the first time in the spring of sophomore year and he freaked out and we had a huge fight. So I gave up. And then I tried it again a couple of weeks ago and he freaked out again so I gave up. But I couldn't stop thinking about it. I love him more than anything in the world. And I can see him in my future. But it freaks me out that he is the only guy I have been in a serious relationship with. I dated in high school and all but I've been with him for all of college except for one semester. And I just feel like I need to see what else is out there, just for the summer. I think I am actually hoping I don't find anything else so I can go back to him and be 100% happy. But right now I am not 100% happy and I don't think it is fair for him to be in a relationship with someone who is wondering what else is out there. I wanted to do it in person but I'm only going to see him once in the next two weeks and there will be a ton of people with us the whole time. So I called him last night and it just came out. He said he didn't care anymore and if I wanted to do this that I should do this. He doesn't know if he'll date anyone else if the opportunity comes along but if he does - I want to know about it. I was relieved that he just said to do it and was calm but at the same time I want to know what hes really thinking. I feel like he hates me and doesn't trust me anymore. But this is something I have to do. We're "together" and will date this summer. But the hard part is that he considers this a break-up because he doesn't believe in open relationships. I can't really handle that so I am sticking with the open relationship status. We told each other that we still love each other and will still call each other every night before we go to bed. I called him last night and it wasn't the same but it still made me feel better. So I'm kind of scared now and I don't know what will happen. I don't even know if I will date anyone but I have a feeling I will. I want to thank Kristen and Kaitlyn for talking to me this weekend and helping me to take this step. My family helped me too and it makes me feel better to know that they are on my side and that they feel this is the best thing for me to do. I will be turning 21 in two days and I just made my life way too complicated..