The horrors of my cave of no return
I have a tendency to lose track of whatever im saying, but im going to get right to the point.
I have to clean my friggen room again today.
Some people are clean freaks and have lovely neat little rooms. Or big rooms, whatever. Me? Well.....I get into cleaning moods about once every five years or so. And when that happens, I either clean the bathroom (yet I still refuse to take out the bathroom garbage....), living-room, kitchen, the shed outside, hell, Ill even clean my parents room, but I wont touch my room with a twenty nine foot pole with a foot long pointy sharp spike on the end. Why? Well, if I do, then I lose the rent money that I get from monsters and other nameless creatures that live in the confines of my clutter. And because its usualy (ALWAYS) ridiculously messy. So messy that, even in my cleaning mode, shudder at the mere thought of cleaning it.
Yet even though it is, as I will admit, ridiculously messy, I can tell you right now were everything is. Whats in what drawer, what and who is under the bed, whats behind the dresser, whats within the darkened gloom of my closet, and what all is under my desk. None of which is food, because then I will have roaches, which I cannot stand. Spiders, yes. I can stand spiders, because they eat the stupid mosquitoes and moths that fly around and land on me or my computer screen, which for some reason bugs the red blood cells out of me.
I will get sidetracked and explain a little something. Lizards and spiders seem to think my room is a haven for the cold, even though it might be twenty zillion below zero and I have my AC on, but anyways. I find them, and for my own amusement and self satisfaction, and so that they are easier to remember and find, I name them. The lizards are Derick, Darma, and the newest and smallest little lizard I think ive ever seen, Chewy. Why in the hell did I name it Chewy? My friend Deven has a dog named Chewy, and for whatever reason I have yet to figure out, it reminded me of her dog. Which is a white fluffy chow whom I shall steal from her when she isnt looking....that comes later though.
The spiders, on the other hand, are Oscar, Pete, Jimmeny cricket, Kreg, and Beethoven. Yes, Im aware that they are probably all female, but who cares? Obviously, I dont, and neither do the spiders, because they have yet to voice their dislike. Though when they try and bite my finger when I try to pet them, that might be a bit of dislike, or spider love? Who knows? A side note to Kimi, if she is reading this, yes, Kreg is named after our little friend Kreg, because for some strange reason, which I cannot explain, when I first say the spider I thought of Kregs teeth....
I cleaned my room here about....err......three or four months ago? I dunno, im not sure. But anyways, I found stuff from MIDDLE SCHOOL. Im a junior in highschool. Maybe it was time to clean it. Actually, I didnt have a choice. It was either clean it, or I didnt get a new bed, and my old bed was my GRANDMOTHERS, who is dead. If she was alive, she would be about ninety five. Obviously, the damned thing was old. And the mattress had springs poking me in my back. How I slept there, I have no Idea, but I guess that explains my ability to sleep anywhere, because recently I discovered that the pile of wood in the shed makes a comfy nappie spot.
But the good thing is, when I got through cleaning my room, I had found a total of eighty five dollars. And that was before I cleaned out my wall of purses. Yes, I have a wall of purses. And Ive only paid for about five of them over my life time. I get them from family and neighbors, Its like, a collection.
I also found two or three kitchen knifes from when I was paranoid about my ex sister-in-law sneaking in my room at night and strangling me with barb wire because we kidnapped her daughter. Seriously, we did. And then we called CPS on them for reasons that will remain unmentioned because im to damn lazy to explain at the moment.
And now I can hear my loving daddy and his lovely fluffy eyebrows growling at me to "Get off the god damn computer and clean you room, dammit! Im not telling you again! i SAID NOW, KRISTENA RENEE'!!!"
I have to clean my friggen room again today.
Some people are clean freaks and have lovely neat little rooms. Or big rooms, whatever. Me? Well.....I get into cleaning moods about once every five years or so. And when that happens, I either clean the bathroom (yet I still refuse to take out the bathroom garbage....), living-room, kitchen, the shed outside, hell, Ill even clean my parents room, but I wont touch my room with a twenty nine foot pole with a foot long pointy sharp spike on the end. Why? Well, if I do, then I lose the rent money that I get from monsters and other nameless creatures that live in the confines of my clutter. And because its usualy (ALWAYS) ridiculously messy. So messy that, even in my cleaning mode, shudder at the mere thought of cleaning it.
Yet even though it is, as I will admit, ridiculously messy, I can tell you right now were everything is. Whats in what drawer, what and who is under the bed, whats behind the dresser, whats within the darkened gloom of my closet, and what all is under my desk. None of which is food, because then I will have roaches, which I cannot stand. Spiders, yes. I can stand spiders, because they eat the stupid mosquitoes and moths that fly around and land on me or my computer screen, which for some reason bugs the red blood cells out of me.
I will get sidetracked and explain a little something. Lizards and spiders seem to think my room is a haven for the cold, even though it might be twenty zillion below zero and I have my AC on, but anyways. I find them, and for my own amusement and self satisfaction, and so that they are easier to remember and find, I name them. The lizards are Derick, Darma, and the newest and smallest little lizard I think ive ever seen, Chewy. Why in the hell did I name it Chewy? My friend Deven has a dog named Chewy, and for whatever reason I have yet to figure out, it reminded me of her dog. Which is a white fluffy chow whom I shall steal from her when she isnt looking....that comes later though.
The spiders, on the other hand, are Oscar, Pete, Jimmeny cricket, Kreg, and Beethoven. Yes, Im aware that they are probably all female, but who cares? Obviously, I dont, and neither do the spiders, because they have yet to voice their dislike. Though when they try and bite my finger when I try to pet them, that might be a bit of dislike, or spider love? Who knows? A side note to Kimi, if she is reading this, yes, Kreg is named after our little friend Kreg, because for some strange reason, which I cannot explain, when I first say the spider I thought of Kregs teeth....
I cleaned my room here about....err......three or four months ago? I dunno, im not sure. But anyways, I found stuff from MIDDLE SCHOOL. Im a junior in highschool. Maybe it was time to clean it. Actually, I didnt have a choice. It was either clean it, or I didnt get a new bed, and my old bed was my GRANDMOTHERS, who is dead. If she was alive, she would be about ninety five. Obviously, the damned thing was old. And the mattress had springs poking me in my back. How I slept there, I have no Idea, but I guess that explains my ability to sleep anywhere, because recently I discovered that the pile of wood in the shed makes a comfy nappie spot.
But the good thing is, when I got through cleaning my room, I had found a total of eighty five dollars. And that was before I cleaned out my wall of purses. Yes, I have a wall of purses. And Ive only paid for about five of them over my life time. I get them from family and neighbors, Its like, a collection.
I also found two or three kitchen knifes from when I was paranoid about my ex sister-in-law sneaking in my room at night and strangling me with barb wire because we kidnapped her daughter. Seriously, we did. And then we called CPS on them for reasons that will remain unmentioned because im to damn lazy to explain at the moment.
And now I can hear my loving daddy and his lovely fluffy eyebrows growling at me to "Get off the god damn computer and clean you room, dammit! Im not telling you again! i SAID NOW, KRISTENA RENEE'!!!"