(Untitled)

[mk_warren_hpy]

There comes a time in every man's life (a time when, for example, Tucker is getting some to the third degree) when a guy has to re-evaluate his game plan. Yeah, maybe I should get out more. But out is so...mind numbingly dull, and this is an opinion I have never been able to disguise. I don't think it's necessary honestly. People deserve to

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[bitter_brother]

"Dumping who? Amy?" I asked, looking away from the ceiling that I was gainlessly staring at just in time to see Warren Boy Wonder abandon his post at his girlfriend, the computer. "No. Why would I? It doesn't seem to be getting in the way of anything."

I pulled myself up into an upright position and thought for a second, "Why do you ask?"

[mk_warren_hpy]

"That's just what it sounded like to me," I said. "And I quote: 'Doesn't leave a lot of room for a serious girlfriend. Or even a not-serious girlfriend.'"

Not to toot my own horn, but my Tucker impression had become fairly accurate. It wasn't like it was hard. Tucker is comprised of varying degrees of sarcasm and lameness.

And why did he think I asked?

"Caught my interest. Sue me. You're the one who's going to be a lawyer now."

The thought of Tucker in a little monkey suit with a little brief case amused me.

[bitter_brother]

"Oh, yeah. That. I guess I did say that," I shrugged. "Whatever. I *meant* that it doesn't seem to be interfering yet. I'll have to see how it goes, I guess. I was just thinking outloud."

I wrinkled my nose at the idea of being a lawyer. I didn't want to be a lawyer. Lawyers were douche bags, by definition.

"I'm not going to be a lawyer, either. Just work for one. It's this kind of... research facility thing. Involving stuff that you aren't into. You'd probably hate it," I added. He had a kind of funny look on his face, like he was keeping a secret. Like he'd just done or seen something really cool and didn't want me to ask about it. So, of course, I asked, "What were you just working on?"

[mk_warren_hpy]

Thinking out loud? I gave a big mental 'Whatever' to that. It's not the kind of thing you say without meaning it. Or subconsciously meaning it. Something. I'm not a psychology major or anything. I put a couple chips on the Amy: And This Is Her Ass Out the door square and let them ride.

But, oh, Tucker. He really should have known better. I gave him my patented so-sorry-about-you-face.

"It's this kind of...thing. Involving stuff that you aren't into. You'd probably hate it."

And victory, she was mine, that saucy spunky little sex-bomb. It was like she was sitting in my lap, running her fingers through my hair. Aw yeah.

[bitter_brother]

There was no Amy outside the cafeteria, like I expected. Warren and I had taken a couple of detours to avoid some frat boys who were handing out fliers, so maybe I was late to meet her. She wasn't inside either.

I got a tray and checked out the whiteboard of culinary offerings from Chez Shitcake. No BBQ Beef, thank god. There was, however, "Stuff" on a Shingle, and for desert, Apple Brown Better Not Eat That. I made myself a sandwich from the sandwich bar, got some Jello and a baked potato, and shuffled my way to the cashier. Warren was still staring at the three-bean salad bucket like it was evolving

[mk_warren_hpy]

I slumped into my chair, legs splayed out in front of me.

"They looked iffy. I'll wait for the next batch," I explained, pulling toward me a plate containing (in alphabetical order) (1) banana, (3) cherry tomatoes, cream cheese, (1) ice cream sandwich, macaroni salad (I had also deemed the three-bean: 'iffy'), and (4) slices of turkey. I was still waiting for the world's slowest industrial toaster to expose my bagel to a light bulb, hence the cream cheese.

I couldn't help but notice we were sans Amy. I wondered how long she'd keep us waiting.

...

Unless she was standing him up. Was she standing him up? That is so wrong.

I eyed Tucker over my banana. Eventually I cleared my throat.

"Ahem."

[bitter_brother]

"What?!" I said, flat, with a mouthful of sandwich. Warren raised his eyebrows at me and hid behind his fruit. "Are you going to eat that banana or just pose seductively with it?"

[mk_warren_hpy]

I snarfed the banana in one mouthful, considered attempting to set up a little physical comedy with the peel, and decided against it.

"Nothing," I insisted. "Just having dinner. With my roommate."

And no one else.

"Ooh. My bagel's done."