candle vigil
i have this problem with women.....i've only got a feeling instantaneously with two people....funny part is both of those went no where quickly....all the others i kinda grew into and had to convince myself of.....its like im either too bad for them...or i am to logical yet deep.......i guess that helps to make me soo distant to people...but yeah...when have i ever connected with anybody...seriously..the closest i ever get is similiar interests....i dont know a single chick or guy that thinks like me....they either are too narrow or too broad to pinpoint...course i live in my own world and i can think anything i want...but yeah.....but yeah.be...i seem to be having these fits of depression...well for me there not really depression..its more like self-realization....im getting quite good at it...but yeah...you gotta catch me in these moods to ever even get me to leak anything out of my black box...course the only time i feel like this is like at 130 or 2...and everybody is asleep
for entertainment purposes lets go through my list of women....i'm gonna be short yet blunt so please dont be offended if your reading this and dont agree...i believe im entitled to my oppinion
shannon underside= old childhood friend....we talked on the phone constantly seventh grade and i fell for her....we ended up meeting up my first ciy trip..when i met her i was a bit stunned that she was 300 lbs...but it didn't matter to me....i like her for her...but the second she saw me...the funny thing is i was too big for her...and..i dont mean size ..she was expecting me to have a problem with it..so she was all armored up for a battle for my heart..but the problem was i was completely open and unsheated..so her armor wounded me..if ya get that good..ask if ya dont
then shannon leglar - she was this cute church girl that i met and asked for her number...we got to talking all the time it took me seven months to convince myself to get the courage to ask her out...of course she said yes and we had a jolly old time with eachother..it urked me a little that i never saw her much..but yeah....as time went by my hormones kicked in and bam
then melanie happened = while i was dating shannon melanie started to swoon me and try and get me to break up with shannon....she didn't succeed and she gave up...but she planted seeds and it changed the way i spoke with shannon..and after a while i didn't think or feel any different but my speech did,..and that hurt shannon enough to leave me even tho it was mutual i never really got over her then i am now..but she will always be my firsst love..and as for melanie..my appeal kinda faded after shannon left so she gave me the shaft
after that i had whole bunch of others...but i'll explain later...i'll edit this but im tired right now..nite
ok...back....
then there was ashley davis....some of you have met her.....yet another church girl i thought looked good and i asked for her number...well after we spent the whole night hanging at this all-night bowling thing....and well i kinda knew she was digging this guy bill..it was ok cuz she wasnt cheating on me and she never brought it up...well it was going smooth and then she dumped me at exactly a month...its funny......when i called her to say happy anniversary..i said hi happy anniversary and she said....yeah..well...we gotta talk..so that went no where...did i mention all of my breakups ended on anniversaries..what luck huh
well yeah..after that i kinda shelled up about relationships...i seemed to have bad luck or something....then like a while later like my junior year i dated ashley and amanda scroggins....they didnt mean much i just dated them to make myself feel better...i dont mean to be mean..and i felt guilty real quick so i ended both at a week to keep my steak going on anniversaries...i dont wanna sound cold but i for some reason that year was in a very dark place which lasted all year
then there was miranda...she had had this thing with pun in the summer then left him for this dude who's shes now ingaged to..but like they had grown apart or something and i asked her out...we went out for a month..but i was feeling all dark and depressed and she started complaining that i never called and didnt seemed close at all..which was true..but i just lashed back at her instead of admitting my faults...and we ended on a month
that was it for a while....i went like a whole year single...it was alright but lonely...i took that time to cheerup and soften....it worked but i was still afraid of opening up again
then bam i hit a string again....we had this dunes cleanup camp thing..well one thing led to another and im laying on the floor of the shack with vergi and were playing heroclix...it was cool and nice.....but yeah...she isnt into relationships so it took me like three weeks but i got her to go out with me and we went out for a while....well she started egging her parents on and she got grounded..she finally got ungrounded and then her brother went and told her parents she was seeing me...im 18 at the time..so they flipped and grounded her again.....so ya...it was so hard to connect with her cuz she was always not there..i even joined drama to be with her and then she was forced to quit...i only stuck around so i didnt get all depresso before graduation...
well then yea..we all know what happened next....bam....garibaldi....i had been planning on going to prom and not liking it and just sitting there talking with pun and being bored...well come like 2 weeks before...i was talking with sara in gym and she asked me if i had a date and i was like..no..im going stag.....then i dont know why...but then she turned to jessica and asked if she was going and had a date...but i dunno what got into her but she was like...y not...as long as you pay for the ticket...i was like alright...my dad had sprung the money to be nice so i wasnt paying....but ya...so i spent that week ordering a tux with carl...then we picked them up and i picker her up..did all these pics at different peoples houses...and when we get to prom me and her just sit there..and well we end up talking and stuff...and ya...sparks fly..or whatever she says it was ...i dont wanna get all sappy cuz well yea..it still upsets me......but ya....i was still technically going out with vergi...so i didnt wanna do anything too bad that night....so i just explained it to jessica and had to get rachel to stop giving me the death ray eyes cuz she knew about the vergi thing...so on monday i walked over to vergi by the stairs next to cooks room...(kev wants me to tell this in detail cuz he thinks its funny)....i asked vergi....are we still going out....she said.. i dunno are we......i said...no..and turned and walked away...i felt bad about that...but i had jessica on the brain and was focuses on her....and she happen to be walking down that same hall..and i caught her by cooks room and kinda grabbed her and kinda stupid like asked her out...i wasnt single for 10 seconds...lol....but yea...things went by alright..we talked about different stuff and i felt like we really clicked and things were going by ok.....i had my play that weekend and she couldnt come...i was bummed but ok about it....what sucked was no one came for me...i felt so uncared about..but i blew it off.....then come monday...garibaldi comes to the rat corner and tells me we gotta talk....so i go roaming the halls with her...we get over to above the office and she tells me that her dad is all super derpresso and she needs to be with im all summer..i was like ok......that sux...but you'll be back in the fall and shes like yeah..we should break up.....and i was like...uh..ok...which really hurt .....which turned out to be half true...cuz like ever since shes thrown one excuse after another of why we broke up....all of them being changed after a while...i dunno anymore...i dont know why i still care...but like....all of them either be situational or that shes afraid for some reason...i dunno why..but like ya.....i would never hurt her and shes knows that...if its the distance...whoopdy do....i dont want to get into further cuz it hurst and she doesnt give a rats a$$ about it really.....anymore....or ever i guess.......but yeah that lasted a week exactly
then i was in my sulking and i met kelly..she was finally someone that made me feel happy and didnt have cruel intentions...things went by real well...come six months we started getting to used to eachother and started getting ticked at eachother all the time so i told her we should take a break.....partly cuz im an ass but i made everyone think that i was completely over her which was hard to pull off....and i started feeling bad about doing it to her..and i fessed the whole thing to carl one morning..well i got talking to kelly later that night.....and she told me that bill had asked her out..and i asked her how she felt about him before i told her how i felt....well she said that she likes him too but the timings not good...i was kinda floored but it was to be expected ...i did treat her pretty bad that time in between....so ya i told her to go after bill..and just recently i let her know the story..but i told her to be happy with bill..she deserves him...and she does.....but ya....
now im too bored/lonely/and sulky..all over again
for entertainment purposes lets go through my list of women....i'm gonna be short yet blunt so please dont be offended if your reading this and dont agree...i believe im entitled to my oppinion
shannon underside= old childhood friend....we talked on the phone constantly seventh grade and i fell for her....we ended up meeting up my first ciy trip..when i met her i was a bit stunned that she was 300 lbs...but it didn't matter to me....i like her for her...but the second she saw me...the funny thing is i was too big for her...and..i dont mean size ..she was expecting me to have a problem with it..so she was all armored up for a battle for my heart..but the problem was i was completely open and unsheated..so her armor wounded me..if ya get that good..ask if ya dont
then shannon leglar - she was this cute church girl that i met and asked for her number...we got to talking all the time it took me seven months to convince myself to get the courage to ask her out...of course she said yes and we had a jolly old time with eachother..it urked me a little that i never saw her much..but yeah....as time went by my hormones kicked in and bam
then melanie happened = while i was dating shannon melanie started to swoon me and try and get me to break up with shannon....she didn't succeed and she gave up...but she planted seeds and it changed the way i spoke with shannon..and after a while i didn't think or feel any different but my speech did,..and that hurt shannon enough to leave me even tho it was mutual i never really got over her then i am now..but she will always be my firsst love..and as for melanie..my appeal kinda faded after shannon left so she gave me the shaft
after that i had whole bunch of others...but i'll explain later...i'll edit this but im tired right now..nite
ok...back....
then there was ashley davis....some of you have met her.....yet another church girl i thought looked good and i asked for her number...well after we spent the whole night hanging at this all-night bowling thing....and well i kinda knew she was digging this guy bill..it was ok cuz she wasnt cheating on me and she never brought it up...well it was going smooth and then she dumped me at exactly a month...its funny......when i called her to say happy anniversary..i said hi happy anniversary and she said....yeah..well...we gotta talk..so that went no where...did i mention all of my breakups ended on anniversaries..what luck huh
well yeah..after that i kinda shelled up about relationships...i seemed to have bad luck or something....then like a while later like my junior year i dated ashley and amanda scroggins....they didnt mean much i just dated them to make myself feel better...i dont mean to be mean..and i felt guilty real quick so i ended both at a week to keep my steak going on anniversaries...i dont wanna sound cold but i for some reason that year was in a very dark place which lasted all year
then there was miranda...she had had this thing with pun in the summer then left him for this dude who's shes now ingaged to..but like they had grown apart or something and i asked her out...we went out for a month..but i was feeling all dark and depressed and she started complaining that i never called and didnt seemed close at all..which was true..but i just lashed back at her instead of admitting my faults...and we ended on a month
that was it for a while....i went like a whole year single...it was alright but lonely...i took that time to cheerup and soften....it worked but i was still afraid of opening up again
then bam i hit a string again....we had this dunes cleanup camp thing..well one thing led to another and im laying on the floor of the shack with vergi and were playing heroclix...it was cool and nice.....but yeah...she isnt into relationships so it took me like three weeks but i got her to go out with me and we went out for a while....well she started egging her parents on and she got grounded..she finally got ungrounded and then her brother went and told her parents she was seeing me...im 18 at the time..so they flipped and grounded her again.....so ya...it was so hard to connect with her cuz she was always not there..i even joined drama to be with her and then she was forced to quit...i only stuck around so i didnt get all depresso before graduation...
well then yea..we all know what happened next....bam....garibaldi....i had been planning on going to prom and not liking it and just sitting there talking with pun and being bored...well come like 2 weeks before...i was talking with sara in gym and she asked me if i had a date and i was like..no..im going stag.....then i dont know why...but then she turned to jessica and asked if she was going and had a date...but i dunno what got into her but she was like...y not...as long as you pay for the ticket...i was like alright...my dad had sprung the money to be nice so i wasnt paying....but ya...so i spent that week ordering a tux with carl...then we picked them up and i picker her up..did all these pics at different peoples houses...and when we get to prom me and her just sit there..and well we end up talking and stuff...and ya...sparks fly..or whatever she says it was ...i dont wanna get all sappy cuz well yea..it still upsets me......but ya....i was still technically going out with vergi...so i didnt wanna do anything too bad that night....so i just explained it to jessica and had to get rachel to stop giving me the death ray eyes cuz she knew about the vergi thing...so on monday i walked over to vergi by the stairs next to cooks room...(kev wants me to tell this in detail cuz he thinks its funny)....i asked vergi....are we still going out....she said.. i dunno are we......i said...no..and turned and walked away...i felt bad about that...but i had jessica on the brain and was focuses on her....and she happen to be walking down that same hall..and i caught her by cooks room and kinda grabbed her and kinda stupid like asked her out...i wasnt single for 10 seconds...lol....but yea...things went by alright..we talked about different stuff and i felt like we really clicked and things were going by ok.....i had my play that weekend and she couldnt come...i was bummed but ok about it....what sucked was no one came for me...i felt so uncared about..but i blew it off.....then come monday...garibaldi comes to the rat corner and tells me we gotta talk....so i go roaming the halls with her...we get over to above the office and she tells me that her dad is all super derpresso and she needs to be with im all summer..i was like ok......that sux...but you'll be back in the fall and shes like yeah..we should break up.....and i was like...uh..ok...which really hurt .....which turned out to be half true...cuz like ever since shes thrown one excuse after another of why we broke up....all of them being changed after a while...i dunno anymore...i dont know why i still care...but like....all of them either be situational or that shes afraid for some reason...i dunno why..but like ya.....i would never hurt her and shes knows that...if its the distance...whoopdy do....i dont want to get into further cuz it hurst and she doesnt give a rats a$$ about it really.....anymore....or ever i guess.......but yeah that lasted a week exactly
then i was in my sulking and i met kelly..she was finally someone that made me feel happy and didnt have cruel intentions...things went by real well...come six months we started getting to used to eachother and started getting ticked at eachother all the time so i told her we should take a break.....partly cuz im an ass but i made everyone think that i was completely over her which was hard to pull off....and i started feeling bad about doing it to her..and i fessed the whole thing to carl one morning..well i got talking to kelly later that night.....and she told me that bill had asked her out..and i asked her how she felt about him before i told her how i felt....well she said that she likes him too but the timings not good...i was kinda floored but it was to be expected ...i did treat her pretty bad that time in between....so ya i told her to go after bill..and just recently i let her know the story..but i told her to be happy with bill..she deserves him...and she does.....but ya....
now im too bored/lonely/and sulky..all over again