(no subject)
I felt pretty good this past wednesday, even though I would later study my butt off for the physics and IS final I would have the next day.
I was going to stay after school, work on some problems with my teacher. Ironically, I was planning on working on a problem that would later show up on the very final. I pretty much got screwed over on that question, but what the hell.
I came home early because my brother was locked out of the house. I checked the mail, and there was a letter from Case. I knew I had been accepted, and on the envelope, it said 'you got in!'. I don't know about other ppl, but I don't like it when ppl put your decision on the outside of the envelope. Seems kinda anti-climatic after you open it, if you ask me. Well--I already knew about my decision from Case, but still...
Anyway, I opened the letter and stuff and I discovered that I had gotten a merit scholarship of a good size--enough to make my dad consider sending me there. I've read stuff about ppl crying when they get accepted to a college, but for me... being accepted didn't change a thing about the possibility of me going there. The money does... so I did cry. And then, about an hour later my mom came home from work, and I showed her the letter and we called dad (at her orders. I would have been happy to wait till he came home to show him. lol)
It's so awesome that I had come home right after school to find that letter. If I hadn't, my dad would have called my mom to check the mail like he does every day. In fact, he takes a certain pride in finding stuff before me--yesterday, he checked the mail and I was standing next to him as he opened stuff intended for me (luckily, I knew none of them would be very important because it wasn't around the time that the colleges said they'd be mailing decisions). While he was looking at letters at the top of the pile, I made a move to take letters at the bottom. He put his arm down on the pile of envelopes to prevent me and said "no, I have to look at all of your letters first". Meanwhile, I thought "fuck you", which I've been thinking a lot more lately, and I was oh so tempted just to flick him off and go upstairs and tell him that I didn't give a fuck about reading the letters anymore. I thought about burning the paper on the gas stove after he handed it to me, without a single glance at its contents. But I knew that's the exact kind of behavior that I had learnt from watching him react to bad situations. Stuff I had learnt in psychology. Observational learning and shit. God, I hate that stuff. Makes me feel disgusted, that there are things (other than genetics) that my dad has transferred to me that I can't eradicate from my personality, because they've affected me on a subconscious level.
At the same time, I can't call all things that I've gotten from my dad as, for lack of a better word, evil. I hate to use that word since it's always associated with demons or the devil, and it's used to dehumanize people. Even though I really, really dislike my dad--I still understand that he is a human being, and that this conflict we have is based on our different sets of morals...and his overinflated ego.
Uhhh this entry is going on a tangent that I didn't want to go on. Anyhow, that day was cool...getting the merit scholarship and finding out about it before my dad did. He seems even more obsessed with getting information before I do now, though. He's been coming home at around 1 pm just for half an hour to check the mail before going right back to work. I discovered this when I came home right after school ended that friday and managed to check the mail before him again. He keeps saying his coming home to check the mail is a reflection of his investment in my education and future and what-not. What bullshit.
I don't want to end this on that note. Good news: got into Case, got a merit scholarship. I also spent that friday finishing an AWESOME neurosurgery book (thank you Shirley!! I'll return it to ya soon) and talking to this tech guy who was working on this surgical microscope in the hallway before the recovery room of the hospital. He was fixing some circuit problems in this HUMONGOUS microscope, and when he was getting close to being done, he let me look in the microscope. He had pointed it towards a screw in its base, and... wow wow wow wow. The thing was so freakin' huge. He says it was... 400x magnification? I felt like a little tiny bug or thumbelina inside this enormous... cavern. :D it was amamamaaazin'.
I was going to stay after school, work on some problems with my teacher. Ironically, I was planning on working on a problem that would later show up on the very final. I pretty much got screwed over on that question, but what the hell.
I came home early because my brother was locked out of the house. I checked the mail, and there was a letter from Case. I knew I had been accepted, and on the envelope, it said 'you got in!'. I don't know about other ppl, but I don't like it when ppl put your decision on the outside of the envelope. Seems kinda anti-climatic after you open it, if you ask me. Well--I already knew about my decision from Case, but still...
Anyway, I opened the letter and stuff and I discovered that I had gotten a merit scholarship of a good size--enough to make my dad consider sending me there. I've read stuff about ppl crying when they get accepted to a college, but for me... being accepted didn't change a thing about the possibility of me going there. The money does... so I did cry. And then, about an hour later my mom came home from work, and I showed her the letter and we called dad (at her orders. I would have been happy to wait till he came home to show him. lol)
It's so awesome that I had come home right after school to find that letter. If I hadn't, my dad would have called my mom to check the mail like he does every day. In fact, he takes a certain pride in finding stuff before me--yesterday, he checked the mail and I was standing next to him as he opened stuff intended for me (luckily, I knew none of them would be very important because it wasn't around the time that the colleges said they'd be mailing decisions). While he was looking at letters at the top of the pile, I made a move to take letters at the bottom. He put his arm down on the pile of envelopes to prevent me and said "no, I have to look at all of your letters first". Meanwhile, I thought "fuck you", which I've been thinking a lot more lately, and I was oh so tempted just to flick him off and go upstairs and tell him that I didn't give a fuck about reading the letters anymore. I thought about burning the paper on the gas stove after he handed it to me, without a single glance at its contents. But I knew that's the exact kind of behavior that I had learnt from watching him react to bad situations. Stuff I had learnt in psychology. Observational learning and shit. God, I hate that stuff. Makes me feel disgusted, that there are things (other than genetics) that my dad has transferred to me that I can't eradicate from my personality, because they've affected me on a subconscious level.
At the same time, I can't call all things that I've gotten from my dad as, for lack of a better word, evil. I hate to use that word since it's always associated with demons or the devil, and it's used to dehumanize people. Even though I really, really dislike my dad--I still understand that he is a human being, and that this conflict we have is based on our different sets of morals...and his overinflated ego.
Uhhh this entry is going on a tangent that I didn't want to go on. Anyhow, that day was cool...getting the merit scholarship and finding out about it before my dad did. He seems even more obsessed with getting information before I do now, though. He's been coming home at around 1 pm just for half an hour to check the mail before going right back to work. I discovered this when I came home right after school ended that friday and managed to check the mail before him again. He keeps saying his coming home to check the mail is a reflection of his investment in my education and future and what-not. What bullshit.
I don't want to end this on that note. Good news: got into Case, got a merit scholarship. I also spent that friday finishing an AWESOME neurosurgery book (thank you Shirley!! I'll return it to ya soon) and talking to this tech guy who was working on this surgical microscope in the hallway before the recovery room of the hospital. He was fixing some circuit problems in this HUMONGOUS microscope, and when he was getting close to being done, he let me look in the microscope. He had pointed it towards a screw in its base, and... wow wow wow wow. The thing was so freakin' huge. He says it was... 400x magnification? I felt like a little tiny bug or thumbelina inside this enormous... cavern. :D it was amamamaaazin'.