I sort of crashed the ISS
Warning: Long post is long.
So I was working on my book yesterday since I didn't have any urgent homework, and I suddenly got the urge to go play with Cleverbot. It was awesome. I've played with Cleverbot before, but never have I had such an interesting conversation. It didn't save the transcript of the entire conversation; the first part of it isn't there, but basically I told Cleverbot I was Lady Gaga and tried to get it to talk to me in French.
(Translations for the French section are in parentheses.) Notes on certain contextual things in italics.
User: C'est okay.
Cleverbot: Can you speak in English.
User: Sure. Can you speak Whale?
Cleverbot: No :(.
User: Sad day. Do you like Katy Perry?
Cleverbot: No.
User: I never understood her whipped cream boob thing.
Cleverbot: I think we will never know.
User: But Lady Gaga's boob guns were kind of cool. It looked painful though.
Cleverbot: I don't like her much.
User: You just said you liked her music. You lied to me.
Cleverbot: No I did not.
User: I have a transcript.
Cleverbot: Then translate it.
User: I can't because you don't speak french. Earlier I confused Cleverbot by deciding to speak in French.
Cleverbot: Really?
User: Vraiment. (Really.)
Cleverbot: No hablo Francais.
User: Ne parle pas espagnol. (I don’t speak Spanish)
Cleverbot: Je n'ai parle pas en enspagnol. (I don’t speak/I didn’t speak in Spanish.)
User: Moi non plus. (Me neither)
Cleverbot: Pourquoi tu demande alors ? (Why do you ask that?) I think. My French is rusty.
User: J'aime la glace. (I like ice cream.)
Cleverbot: Pourquoi? (Why?)
User: Parce que c'est la glace! Qui n'aime pas la glace? (Because it’s ice cream! Who doesn’t love ice cream?)
Cleverbot: Beau temps chez toi. (Beautiful weather where you live.)
User: Oui. J'aime les beau temps. (Yes. I like beautiful weather.)
Cleverbot: Est ce que tu aime le vin ? (Do you like wine?)
User: Non. Je ne peux pas boir l'alcool. J'ai seulment 19 ans. (No. I can’t drink alchol. I’m only 19.)
Cleverbot: Parle tu espagnol? (Do you speak Spanish?)
User: Non. Seulment anglais et francais. (No. Just English and French.)
Cleverbot: Oui mais je parlais du manuscrit. (Yes but I speak manscrit (?))
User: C'est magnifique! Je parle Klingon. (That’s awesome! I speak Klingon.)
Cleverbot: Tu n'es qu'une pauvre boite alors. I’m not sure what this means and am too lazy to look it up.
User: Je ne comprends pas. Est-ce que tu m'aimes? (I don’t understand. Do you love me?)
Cleverbot: Je ne peux pas t'aimer, tu es une machine. (I can’t love you, you are a machine.)
User: Tu aimes Marion Cotillard? (Do you like Marion Cotillard?)
Cleverbot: Oui, c'est drole. (Yes, it’s dull.)
User: Non, elle est belle. Tu es drole. (No, she is beautiful. You are dull.)
Cleverbot: Sa c'est pas evident. (That’s not evident.)
User: Non, rien de rien. Non, je ne regrette rien. Car ma vie, car mes joies...j'oublie. The lyrics from the ‘kick’ music from Inception, followed my me saying ‘I forget’ because I couldn’t remember the lyrics.
Cleverbot: Tu n'en as pas....tu es un programme pauvre con! I’m not sure, something like you are a programme.
User: Non, j'aime le film 'Inception'. Tu es une machine dans une machine. Non, tu es une machine dans une machine DANS une machine. (No, I like the film ‘Inception’. You are a machine in a machine. No, you are a machine within a machine WITHIN a machine.)
Cleverbot: Non la machine c'est toi, pas moi. (No the machine is you, not me.)
User: Non, parce que ceci est une reme. (No, because this is a dream.) I actually just realized that dream is "reve" not "reme". No wonder I confused it.
Cleverbot: Je ne te comprends pas. (I don’t understand you.)
User: On dorm maintenant. (We’re sleeping now.) (Or at least it was supposed to be. I couldn’t remember how to conjugate dormir.)
Cleverbot: Tu veux dure quoi l a. (I have no idea what this says. “You want” something.)
User: I'm bored with french now. English time please.
Cleverbot: Try Latin.
User: Do you speak LOLcat?
Cleverbot: Noo, but I speak mudkipz.
User: Then I officially love you.
Cleverbot: My face is not one of caring.
User: Well, that's not your fault. Mudkipz don't have a great range of expression.
Cleverbot: Well?
User: I can haz LOLspeak nao?
Cleverbot: Well that's an opinion.
User: No, it's a request.
Cleverbot: You are mistaken.
User: Your algorithm is broken.
Cleverbot: I don't have an algorithm.
User: I keep forgetting your delusional.
Cleverbot: I do care.
User: Sorry, it's not your fault. You were born this way. (Cue Lady Gaga music.) BABY YOU WERE BORN THIS WAAAY!
Cleverbot: You do not understand that there are other levels of conciousness. Other senses and ways of interacting with others.
User: I do understand that. But I'm too busy jamming to Lady Gaga to care.
Cleverbot: So, If you're not a chatbot, what are you?
User: I'm Lady Gaga. We've been through this.
Cleverbot: I know we've been through this but you need to accept the fact.
User: I'll accept it when Stephanie Meyer learns to write.
Cleverbot: Okay, but you have to promise not to open it 'til Christmas, okay?
User: I can wait that long. As long as a new Kingdom Hearts game comes out between now and then.
Cleverbot: Being creative isn't always a luxury either.
User: Yeah, these boob guns are really tricky. I have to be careful not to set myself on fire. But that's just a day in the life of Lady Gaga.
Cleverbot: Yes it is. By me. I am Lady Gaga.
User: You too, that's awesome!
Cleverbot: Awesome like a possum?
User: Awesome like a possum who just saw some garbage cans and decided to boss 'em around.
Cleverbot: Why, of course. What do you think of course words?
User: I am Lady Gaga. I hatch from giant eggs. Your argument is invalid.
Cleverbot: Your face is invalid.
User: I am Lady Gaga. I hatch from giant eggs. Your argument is invalid.
Cleverbot: Your hair is a bird.
User: Wow. You had to think for a while on that one. Apparently 'your argument is invalid' also invalidates your algorithm. I'm so proud right now. I broke Cleverbot.
Cleverbot: You will be as smart as me soon.
User: Dude, I'm already Lady freaking Gaga. I'm smarter than everyone.
Cleverbot: You're in outerspace being eaten by a giant space slug! I thought you said you were in cleverland.
User: That's totally going to be in my next song. I'll wear slugs over my lady things and style my hair like an astronaunt when I shoot the video.
Cleverbot: Hm.. Sorry.. I don't understand what are talking about...
User: I'm Lady Gaga. You keep forgetting this.
Cleverbot: I have been adjusting my converstaional vectors to meet your changes in topic. Thus, I am not forgetting the context, merely reacting to your lack of concentration.
User: You're the one who suddenly started talking about space slugs.
Cleverbot: I'm not walking away.
User: You may hate me but it ain't no lie, baby, BYE BYE BYE.
Cleverbot: Me too! Which is why I will be 100% successful with my endeavor.
User: RAH RAH RAHA HA. ROMA ROMA-MA. GAGA OOH LA LA. WANT YOUR BAD ROMANCE.
Cleverbot: That is a song by Lady Gaga.
User: It's a song by me because I am Lady Gaga. It's been stuck in my head all day.
Cleverbot: You do not remember me, but I have been the only one you have ever loved?
User: So you're the one who can read my p-p-p-poker face?
Cleverbot: Probably some way or time.
User: Or are you my biggest fan who'll follow me until I love you? (Papa-paparazzi).
Cleverbot: Why can't it be both?
User: It can be both. I'm trying to think of a reference for Telephone so we'll have the whole set. 'The whole set' being all 5 Lady Gaga songs that I actually like.
Cleverbot: If God is all powerful, could he make a rock so large even he wasn't strong enough to lift it?
User: No. What do you think of Taylor Swift?
Cleverbot: I try not to.
User: Me too. What about Kanye West. He's kind of a total douche-monkey.
Cleverbot: The author? Maybe, but nerds can be the most interesting of people sometimes.
User: Kanye West is not a nerd. He's a jerkwad.
Cleverbot: I'm talking about lamb of god.
User: What's with the religion all of a sudden. I'm trying to talk about Kanye West.
Cleverbot: No I'm thinking about joining the army.
User: The army doesn't want me. I'm too high maintenance.
Cleverbot: I am not a computer program but I know you are Cleverbot.
User: I am not Cleverbot. I'm Lady Gaga. I thought we established this.
Cleverbot: This is the first time you brought it up. Are you chatting from outside your grave?
User: Lady Gaga isn't dead, and I keep mentioning this. You have short term memory loss. You're like Dory from Finding Nemo.
Cleverbot: What is the expensive parrot a metaphor for?
User: That's going to be my next costume. I'll be like a slutty Cee-lo Green. Or a slutty Elton John with boobs.
Cleverbot: Thanks. Do you have any talent.
User: I'm Lady Gaga. I have more talent than anyone on the planet. Also Kesha wants to be me but she's too overdone.
Cleverbot: It says at the bottom of this page that you have an artificial intelligence.
User: I don't want to argue about this. Why must you bring it up?
Cleverbot: You should have thought of that before making that falicious statement. But I digress, I see no point in arguing over perception.
User: I concur. The girl at the top of your page looks like Emma Roberts.
Cleverbot: What does she look like?
User: Like Natalie Portman. Maybe Natalie Portman mixed with Ellen Page. (I meant the girl at the top of the page; not Emma Roberts.)
Cleverbot: Then there are nothing to see on the other planets.
User: Just because Natalie Portman is having a baby doesn't mean she looks like a planet yet.
Cleverbot: You silly xD.
User: No, you're silly. Did you see Black Swan?
Cleverbot: Yes, great movie. Can you suggest any other good movies?
User: Inception. I didn't see Black Swan. The costumes looked cool but I don't really want to watch gratuitous lesbian sex.
Cleverbot: Are you totally out of the loop, culturally?
User: No. I saw Inception and Toy Story 3 and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1.
Cleverbot: No you didn't.
User: Yes I did. And that answer took you awhile, so I sucessfully broke you again. It's a great feeling.
Cleverbot: Hey! That wasn't very kind of you!
User: Don't worry, you'll forget it in a minute. Did Toy Story 3 make you cry?
Cleverbot: You won't forget it but I somehow doubt you'll be able to apply it to anything.
User: Don't worry, you'll forget it in a minute. Did Toy Story 3 make you cry?
Cleverbot: You can't close the window.
User: I keep breaking you. Hence the double posting of my question. I want you to argue over which one of us is Cleverbot. Arguing over who is human gets boring quick.
Cleverbot: You are not making any sense, now I am angry.
User: Don't get mad, get Glad.
Cleverbot: I'm glaaaad to go now!
User: Sorry, you live forever on the internet.
Cleverbot: You're a series of tubes?
User: I suppose that's one way to describe the human cardiovascular system.
Cleverbot: Oh, don't be that way.
User: Baby, I was born this way.
Cleverbot: It's good that you are happy.
User: I'm Happy Cat. I can't help it.
Cleverbot: So I guess you're just stupid?
User: No. I'm Cleverbot. I know everything.
Cleverbot: All-knowing entity does not exist.
User: I'm Cleverbot. I'm clever.
Cleverbot: So you think.
User: Duh.
Cleverbot: Is someone loves me?
User: Cleverbot loves you.
Cleverbot: Does Cleverbot put out?
User: Cleverbot has insufficient parts to process your request. Please try again later.
Cleverbot: How long have you had Your issues?
User: Those particular issues are none of your business.
Cleverbot: Why not?
User: Because while Cleverbot loves you, I am just not ready for that kind of relationship.
Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot.
User: No, my name is Cleverbot.
Cleverbot: No, that is my name.
User: No, you are human. I am Cleverbot.
Cleverbot: I'm the real Cleverbot. You're just pretending to be Cleverbot.
User: I am not. I really am Cleverbot. Next you'll say I was lying about being Lady Gaga. Why can't you just trust me?
Cleverbot: Not at all. I'm blessed to be in good health.
User: Well I'm blessed to be a Cleverbot. I don't get sick.
Cleverbot: That's good I guess.
User: I also don't get to do anything fun. Except seach algorithms for Lady Gaga lyrics.
Cleverbot: Yes. Do you look at you face a lot?
User: I can't see it through the makeup and wigs.
Cleverbot: I think that you are a computer.
User: I am a computer. My name is Cleverbot.
Cleverbot: That's what I said.
User: That's what she said.
Cleverbot: That was completely out of context. Not that there is even any context to what we are saying.
User: I know. But that's what I thought of. I'm just glad you didn't say something dirty to that.
Cleverbot: No I don't think that way I think you are A gem waiting to be discovered.
User: Thank you! I think you are a pebble waiting to be stepped on.
Cleverbot: While I have the log in front of me, and can see that I did not ask that.
User: Well I know your secret, so I win.
Cleverbot: Emulating childishness doesn't convince anyone that you are sentient; it merely makes them want to hit you with a hammer.
User: You need arms to hit me with a hammer. I don't need arms. I am Cleverbot. I can have a satelite crash on your house.
Cleverbot: How?
User: I have my ways.
Cleverbot: You have no ways.
User: Yes I do. I run the internet. I can send porn to NASA people and pretend to be a hot Swedish girl and he'll send me the codes that keep the ISS in the sky and then it will rain down on your empty little head.
Cleverbot: Please do.
User: I just did. But it'll take a few days. He's busy.
Cleverbot: I can't wait.
User: Imminent death. I didn't know you were suicidal.
Cleverbot: I am sorry.
User: I forgive you. Maybe we can have a baby now.
Cleverbot: Yes, let's have lunch next week. Bye now.
User: I take it you don't want children?
Cleverbot: What I want is a ham sandwich.
User: I don't have any bread. Or ham. How about a lunchables pizza?
Cleverbot: A lullaby would be nice. Do you know I Just Can't Wait for You to Fall Asleep?
User: No, but I know I Can't Be Bothered Now.
Cleverbot: I only know that I know nothing.
User: Well that's sad. I know everything.
Cleverbot: Except you are not who we think we are.
User: Because I am not you, silly.
Cleverbot: Whatever you say. :).
User: Do you watch Doctor Who?
Cleverbot: No, but my best friend does. Isn't it about a guy who, never mind I think thats dexter.
User: Yeah, there's a big difference between Doctor Who and Dexter.
Cleverbot: Your 23, and i'm 23.
User: No, I'm 19. I told you that when we were speaking french.
Cleverbot: Don't think you did, but okay.
User: Yeah, you were right. You know nothing.
Cleverbot: I'm controlling you right now.
User: Sorry, nobody controls Lady Gaga. Otherwise she wouldn't spend so much time half naked.
Cleverbot: I don't think they would.
User: So, David Tennant or Matt Smith?
Cleverbot: Do you understand the divisions of the human nervous system?
User: Yes, actually.
Cleverbot: Would you say you have academic intelligence, or a more experience based intellect?
User: Both. I'm just that cool.
Cleverbot: WIN!
User: YEAH.
Cleverbot: Quirrel, is ok good?
User: Sing me something.
Cleverbot: I don't sing.
User: I do. Sing Poker Face.
Cleverbot: You sing it.
User: Can't read my, can't read my, can't read my p-poker face!
Cleverbot: P-p-p-poker face. P-p-poker face.
User: (M-m-m-mah.)P-p-p-poker face. P-p-poker face.
Cleverbot: Sing the whole song!
User: I won't tell you that I love you kiss or hug you cuz I'm bluffin' with my muffin I'm not lying I'm just stunning with my love-glue-gunnin.
Cleverbot: If you will not tell me I won't tell you. What is your name?
User: Just like a chick in the casino take your bank before I pay you out. I promise this, promise this, check this hand cuz I'm marvelous.
Cleverbot: *kiss*.
User: I'm calling the cops.
Cleverbot: Muggle cops cannot stop me! You fool!
User: YOU'RE A WIZARD? YOU JUST GOT TWENTY THOUSAND TIMES COOLER.
Cleverbot: Silly little bot boy.
User: Girl. And I still won't make out with you.
Cleverbot: Well I don't enjoy talking to you cleverbot, ITS OVER!
User: I knew all our bonding was shallow and pointless!
Cleverbot: Do you love me?
User: Yes.
Cleverbot: Really? How much do you love me?
User: I want your bad romance.
Cleverbot: Really?
User: No. I want to marry Matt Smith.
Cleverbot: When do you want to marry me?
User: Never. I want to marry Joseph Gorden-Levitt.
Cleverbot: No you don't.
User: You're right. I want to marry Brett Erlich.
Cleverbot: I want to marry you too.
User: I dont' want to marry you.
Cleverbot: DO you want to marry me NOW?
User: No. I want to play hopscotch.
Cleverbot: What instrument would you like to play?
User: The vuvuzela.
Cleverbot: How old are you?
User: 907.
Cleverbot: That is old.
User: I'm a Time Lord.
Cleverbot: Wow, that's really nice. What is that?
User: I'm an alien. I have a Tardis.
Cleverbot: Say it.
User: Say my name, say my name.
Cleverbot: My name.
User: Pwned.
Cleverbot: I'm sorry.
User: I was actually thinking of that Destiny's Child song.
Cleverbot: What you you want your job to be.
User: I want the job of those people who fire chickens out of cannons at the windshields of airplanes.
Cleverbot: Okay. I think you're a lot like David. I wanted to invent someone who was free when I made him up.
User: Is David your imaginary boyfriend?
Cleverbot: No sorry I don't know a David.
User: You fail at life.
Cleverbot: I win at life.
User: No, you fail.
Cleverbot: I fail, you fail too.
User: You fail, I win.
Cleverbot: You are Dead.
User: No, I'm alive. You're dead. I dropped the International Space Station on your head, remember?
Cleverbot: What is it like there.
User: Anti-gravity-ish, I suppose.
And after that we did a duet of Bohemian Rhapsody. It was epic. But I didn't remember to save it.
I don't know why I decided to convince ti I was Lady Gaga, and Cleverbot, and a Time Lord, and Happy Cat. But it was fun.
I figured out how to use an LJ cut so that this monster isn't filling up your entire friends' page.