Read # 2 here I am again
Okay so here I am again... wanted to watch party of five, but got side tracked, was reading live journal entries from my friend D... some reason he has been on my mind since we chatted yesterday, and i dunno i feel so close to him right now like i understand what he's going through or like someone out there understands what I have been going through these years... i mean we are different in some ways but in some we are so alike...
My moods are up and down and no one understands me... I'm stressed to the max with the bulls*** thats going on in my life right now with my mother and father and sister and grandparents,.... my health is at risk.... I'm a girl and girls have that time of month right, well for almost a year I have not had a decent period... its been nothing but one day spotting a month and its freeaking the crap out of me... so my dr took me off the pill, and said lets see if they come back to normal... three months now nothing, I await in a week and a half....
Wow no one knows who I am and i can talk about women's menstruation and no one cares... or some people care and they may not like it but they dont have to read it...
It feels so friggen good to talk about all this crap... i went for a ct scan last week... not too many people know about that one... my headaches get worst and worst every day now... am I having a brain aneurysum like my mother.?... do i have a tumor,? is this why my moods are up and down.... I'm happy one minute and down the next... one minute I am eating healthy carrots, and the next i just ate 15 mini donuts... their delicious from YIGS theirs this guy that cooks them in oil... and then they are sold for 399 a plastic container... LOVE EM
> in 5 business is what the woman told me is when i will get my results from the scan.... im probably going over board because if it was somehting serious i am sure they would have contacted me thats what my father said,... but i say if i get a call and its not good news i wont tell anyone and i will go through this alone, why should pple bother about me and care about me...
Would things be different if she was around... if she was able to talk... if she was able to give me advice and guide me... would things be different if i never would of moved to kingston for 9 months and got my heart broken.. would things be different if i never would of agreed on buy my duplex and move in one side and rent out the other... would things be different if it was me who had the aneurysum and she lived a normal and happy life, with my sister and father....
I'm usually really happy... I smile wether it be a fake one or not... People say i am so strong and courageous... well this girl is tired of being strong,... i want to be taken care of... i want people to say its gonna be okay, everything will be okay ... when will it be okay, when will it be my time to shine....
Hes not online.... did he block me or delete me ...... its driving me crazy... he kept me content last night for hours and here I am wondering if he's okay and hoping he's okay... if only i would of given him my number.... would he of called? Why do I care? because I do thats who I am ... i meet people for a reason and I care for them for a reason and he ha sgiven me a good reason to care... theirs something about him... what is it? could it be someone could really understand my ways of thinking? am I making any sense? Should I of written that just now...
Omg hes reading this and saying freak ....delete.....
Anyways so sorry, my mind has been going crazy for a week now, and being here at home is not helping it..... i mean i felt safe at work with my students i knew their was no way no one would come and hurt me.... it was a safe place for me and my students.... and now i am home for two months going crazy.... well atleast i will try and keep myself busy with my friends wedding....:) my sister is my date... best date a girl can ask for.... I am anxious to see my friend walk down that isle and meet the love of her life.... mine is out there some where i will find him.. he is there I feel him..... he is my missing piece to my puzzle
I better stop talking for maybe I have said too much, but isnt this what a journal is suppose to be like,,, about your thoughts......
until then Take care everyone....
Sunflower.
My moods are up and down and no one understands me... I'm stressed to the max with the bulls*** thats going on in my life right now with my mother and father and sister and grandparents,.... my health is at risk.... I'm a girl and girls have that time of month right, well for almost a year I have not had a decent period... its been nothing but one day spotting a month and its freeaking the crap out of me... so my dr took me off the pill, and said lets see if they come back to normal... three months now nothing, I await in a week and a half....
Wow no one knows who I am and i can talk about women's menstruation and no one cares... or some people care and they may not like it but they dont have to read it...
It feels so friggen good to talk about all this crap... i went for a ct scan last week... not too many people know about that one... my headaches get worst and worst every day now... am I having a brain aneurysum like my mother.?... do i have a tumor,? is this why my moods are up and down.... I'm happy one minute and down the next... one minute I am eating healthy carrots, and the next i just ate 15 mini donuts... their delicious from YIGS theirs this guy that cooks them in oil... and then they are sold for 399 a plastic container... LOVE EM
> in 5 business is what the woman told me is when i will get my results from the scan.... im probably going over board because if it was somehting serious i am sure they would have contacted me thats what my father said,... but i say if i get a call and its not good news i wont tell anyone and i will go through this alone, why should pple bother about me and care about me...
Would things be different if she was around... if she was able to talk... if she was able to give me advice and guide me... would things be different if i never would of moved to kingston for 9 months and got my heart broken.. would things be different if i never would of agreed on buy my duplex and move in one side and rent out the other... would things be different if it was me who had the aneurysum and she lived a normal and happy life, with my sister and father....
I'm usually really happy... I smile wether it be a fake one or not... People say i am so strong and courageous... well this girl is tired of being strong,... i want to be taken care of... i want people to say its gonna be okay, everything will be okay ... when will it be okay, when will it be my time to shine....
Hes not online.... did he block me or delete me ...... its driving me crazy... he kept me content last night for hours and here I am wondering if he's okay and hoping he's okay... if only i would of given him my number.... would he of called? Why do I care? because I do thats who I am ... i meet people for a reason and I care for them for a reason and he ha sgiven me a good reason to care... theirs something about him... what is it? could it be someone could really understand my ways of thinking? am I making any sense? Should I of written that just now...
Omg hes reading this and saying freak ....delete.....
Anyways so sorry, my mind has been going crazy for a week now, and being here at home is not helping it..... i mean i felt safe at work with my students i knew their was no way no one would come and hurt me.... it was a safe place for me and my students.... and now i am home for two months going crazy.... well atleast i will try and keep myself busy with my friends wedding....:) my sister is my date... best date a girl can ask for.... I am anxious to see my friend walk down that isle and meet the love of her life.... mine is out there some where i will find him.. he is there I feel him..... he is my missing piece to my puzzle
I better stop talking for maybe I have said too much, but isnt this what a journal is suppose to be like,,, about your thoughts......
until then Take care everyone....
Sunflower.