[fic] Continuation of fic started on C_S
This is a silly ongoing fic between me and kawaiigato. It has had several homes. It started below in a brief comments to Dance 2 here at my LJ
and continued, and got much larger in the comments here at Club Sion.
(Damn typo's, fixed now)
Asami got to the fountain but there was no sign of them. He turned to the parrot, who shrugged little parrot shoulders and pointed his wing into the shadows where he last saw, or rather heard them. Asami stepped closer to the fountain and fell in, grabbing the parrot to choke it as he realized the fountain was a whole lot deeper than it had looked.
**
When he came to, he was on the edge of a small pond. He sat up and looked around. He was in the middle of a small woods, several small ponds around that his eyes could see, and in the distance, a lamp post? He was confused, but at least he was clean.
“I never thought I’d make it back here, to tell you the truth.”
Asami started and looked around for the person speaking. There was no one.
“Up here you idiot.”
He looked up, unaware that he’d just admitted he was an idiot. It was the parrot. Talking. In English. In proper sentences. Oh sure, they’d always managed to communicate, but this was strange.
“A lot of the animals can talk here. When I got sucked into your stupid world I could still think, but I couldn’t speak since all the animals there are dumb.”
“And where exactly are we?”
The parrot shook his head. “In Narnia of course.”
“Is that supposed to mean something to me?”
“Didn’t you read books when you were little?”
“Sure I read. Mickey Spillane, Dashiell Hammett, Raymond Chandler. All the children’s classics.”
If any parrot has ever done this, O_o, this parrot did.
“That explains everything. It’s a wonder you don’t call Takaba your dame.”
Asami blushed at the thought of his secret fantasy of Takaba in 40s style drag as a client to his detective. Why else would he have taken Takaba back to his own office that first time? That mangaka had almost caught the part where he dressed Takaba up.
“Shut up, parrot. I got a bullet here with your name on it. It’s the stuff my dreams are made of, see?”
“No, I fail to see. You don’t know my name. Not to mention the fact that we came from a medieval fantasy setting, where there were no guns. And I thought you dreamt of ruby slippers.”
Asami sighed. He should never, ever try to joke. “I think I’ll call you Spock. You’re about as fun as a Vulcan.”
The parrot once again invented a new parrot facial expression: O_O “You’re a Trekkie?????”
Asami glared and leaned towards the bird. “It seems you’ve forgotten something. Don’t fuck with Asami. If you ever tell anyone, I’ll be the only one living long and prospering. Got it?”
“Yeah, I got it. I’m a parrot, not a blond, Jim!”
Asami reached for his little parrot throat.
“Eep, just kidding. Making it so captain. Aawwwk! OK OK. Got it.”
Asami knew it still wasn’t over with. He just waited for it........(while breathing)...and waited for it.....
“Sooooo, do you ever dress up like a Klingon?”
Asami smacked the bird. “The Klingons are where I get my bad attitude. Remember that. And remember that they eat birds alive. Now. I want to know how to get the hell out of here.”
The bird swallowed several other Star Trek references; they were just too damn easy. “It’s the ponds. They were here from the beginning. Every one leads to a different world.”
“OK. Which one goes home?”
“Well, that’s the problem. You don’t really know until you try. You’re kind of led to want to go where you’re supposed to go.”
“What the hell does that mean? What kind of Zen crap is that? If a parrot smacks into a tree in the middle of a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it still scream? What is the sound of one hand clapping a parrothead?”
“Not Zen, Son of Adam,” said a deep voice.
Asami whirled about to see the biggest lion he’d ever seen in his life. Not that he’d seen many, being a medieval Japanese gangster of sorts. “Who the hell are you?”
The lion gently knocked him over with a breath. Asami got up and punched the lion, who fell over with quite a look of surprise on his face. The parrot jumped between the two.
“Uh, Asami, this is Aslan. He’s God here. Aslan, this is Asami. Don’t fuck with him.”
“Yeah, your godship, don’t fuck with me. I’m not in the mood for any of your symbolic religious bullshit. From what I’ve heard, it ruined the whole series. I’ll take Harry Potter over you any day. And by the way, that’s some breath you’ve got there.”
Aslan, being God and all, didn’t take to that very well, and knocked Asami through the trees. As he flew through the branches, he saw another pond rushing up to meet him, and noticed Spock darting in trying to pull him away. But was too late, and they both went into the water.
Asami held his breath and hoped the Zen fairies were on his side.
**
When kawaiigato and Takaba jumped into the plot hole, both noticed something quickly flying by that looked like a man with a bird on his head, but they were too wrapped up in one another to pay much attention. Takaba, who is a little girly, had his legs and arms wrapped around the woman, and his eyes screwed tightly shut. He was still holding on when they hit land.
It looked like they were in the bottom of a tower that was open at the top. “Who builds a tower with no roof?” Takaba asked. kawaiigato smacked both Takaba and the author. “It’s not a tower, it’s a well.” The author felt stupid, and so took some revenge. kawaiigato was too damn long to type, so she would henceforth be known as Kat. Kat growled at this but couldn’t do a damn thing about it. Hee.
Takaba climbed up the sides of the well using the rope hanging down. Kat was so happy to be climbing behind him that she forgot to growl at her new name. They pulled themselves up on the ledge to find themselves in the midst of a full-scale battle.
An eight headed snake with a baboon at the center was ferociously attacking a priest, two girls, and a boy with dog ears. All of them were bleeding profusely, the snake oozing black tarry blood that burned everything it touched. Everyone froze.
One girl leaned toward the monk and said “It’s that fangirl who had sex with the BL character.” They all looked at each other in horror, except for the monk, who looked interested and started to ask her something.
The dog boy interrupted. “Naraku, you have to agree this is a greater threat than anything between us. We can’t allow fangirls to have sex with just any character, especially if they’re changing their sexual orientation.”
“Hey, I’m not gay,” said Takaba. The other characters looked at him in pity. “Of course you’re not,” said one of the girls. She turned to the monk and whispered, “See? He’s already confused.”
The monster nodded 6 out of eight of its heads, biting off the two that disagreed. “It unanimous then. I’ve had the fangirls do it to me too.” He shuddered. “Now I’m going to do it back! I wonder how they’ll like tentacle sex.”
Takaba and Kat looked at each other, O_o - o_O, and as the characters charged them, they jumped back into the well, narrowly escaping both death and tentacle sex, though they would still have to pay taxes, that universal constant.
“Well (haha), that sucked.” Takaba didn’t say anything, but from the way he was once again wrapped around her, she was sure he felt the same way. Yes, he certainly did feel the same way. “Hmm,” said Kat later, “Freefall sex is kind of fun.”
Some time after that (it was a really big plot hole), they again hit a hard surface. This time it was wood, and they were once again in the middle of a battle. Two huge ships fought for dominance on the high seas. Their pirate captain had a cocky grin and sleepy eyes that made Kat want to dump Takaba over the edge, but the author wouldn’t allow her to do that. Kat’s eyes pleaded. The author shook her head. Clown wigs had been mentioned, so it wasn’t gonna happen in this story.
Kat’s eyes filled and two big tears rolled down her cheeks. Then Takaba started crying. Crap. Who can resist a weepy uke? Fine. Jack grabbed Takaba and kissed him senseless. Kat glared. Then Jack grabbed Kat and did the same. Kat threw Jack down onto the deck of the ship, intent on having her way with him, but she had scared the crap out of him and he jumped up, grabbed Takaba and ran for his cabin where they could have BL in private.
Kat was pissed. She wasn’t about to let him steal her uke. Not to mention that if there was going to be any BL between those two, she was going to watch. She jumped for a rope hanging from some sail type thingy (if you really need to know what it’s called, ask Sue) and swung across the deck knocking the two men down.
Another pirate grabbed her. She kicked back into his knee and he let go and fell over with a yell. She grabbed his cutlass, then grabbed Takaba, then jumped to the rail of the ship. Jack looked up with dazed adoring eyes. “Stay here with me, my darlins.”
“Not until the sequel to Road Trip, Jack. Then you’ll have your chance.” And with that she jumped over the edge of the ship with the sword in one hand and Takaba in the other.....
...and they were once more falling, this time through space. (luckily there was a small pocket of air around them so they could breath. Breathing being a main concern of the author’s and all.). There was a small speck in front of them that seemed to be looming larger. Kat squinted, trying to make it out. What was that? It couldn’t be.... She looked back at the author. “You can’t be serious.”
The author grinned as the disc on the backs of four elephants, who were in turn carried by a turtle, rushed up to meet them.
and continued, and got much larger in the comments here at Club Sion.
(Damn typo's, fixed now)
Asami got to the fountain but there was no sign of them. He turned to the parrot, who shrugged little parrot shoulders and pointed his wing into the shadows where he last saw, or rather heard them. Asami stepped closer to the fountain and fell in, grabbing the parrot to choke it as he realized the fountain was a whole lot deeper than it had looked.
**
When he came to, he was on the edge of a small pond. He sat up and looked around. He was in the middle of a small woods, several small ponds around that his eyes could see, and in the distance, a lamp post? He was confused, but at least he was clean.
“I never thought I’d make it back here, to tell you the truth.”
Asami started and looked around for the person speaking. There was no one.
“Up here you idiot.”
He looked up, unaware that he’d just admitted he was an idiot. It was the parrot. Talking. In English. In proper sentences. Oh sure, they’d always managed to communicate, but this was strange.
“A lot of the animals can talk here. When I got sucked into your stupid world I could still think, but I couldn’t speak since all the animals there are dumb.”
“And where exactly are we?”
The parrot shook his head. “In Narnia of course.”
“Is that supposed to mean something to me?”
“Didn’t you read books when you were little?”
“Sure I read. Mickey Spillane, Dashiell Hammett, Raymond Chandler. All the children’s classics.”
If any parrot has ever done this, O_o, this parrot did.
“That explains everything. It’s a wonder you don’t call Takaba your dame.”
Asami blushed at the thought of his secret fantasy of Takaba in 40s style drag as a client to his detective. Why else would he have taken Takaba back to his own office that first time? That mangaka had almost caught the part where he dressed Takaba up.
“Shut up, parrot. I got a bullet here with your name on it. It’s the stuff my dreams are made of, see?”
“No, I fail to see. You don’t know my name. Not to mention the fact that we came from a medieval fantasy setting, where there were no guns. And I thought you dreamt of ruby slippers.”
Asami sighed. He should never, ever try to joke. “I think I’ll call you Spock. You’re about as fun as a Vulcan.”
The parrot once again invented a new parrot facial expression: O_O “You’re a Trekkie?????”
Asami glared and leaned towards the bird. “It seems you’ve forgotten something. Don’t fuck with Asami. If you ever tell anyone, I’ll be the only one living long and prospering. Got it?”
“Yeah, I got it. I’m a parrot, not a blond, Jim!”
Asami reached for his little parrot throat.
“Eep, just kidding. Making it so captain. Aawwwk! OK OK. Got it.”
Asami knew it still wasn’t over with. He just waited for it........(while breathing)...and waited for it.....
“Sooooo, do you ever dress up like a Klingon?”
Asami smacked the bird. “The Klingons are where I get my bad attitude. Remember that. And remember that they eat birds alive. Now. I want to know how to get the hell out of here.”
The bird swallowed several other Star Trek references; they were just too damn easy. “It’s the ponds. They were here from the beginning. Every one leads to a different world.”
“OK. Which one goes home?”
“Well, that’s the problem. You don’t really know until you try. You’re kind of led to want to go where you’re supposed to go.”
“What the hell does that mean? What kind of Zen crap is that? If a parrot smacks into a tree in the middle of a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it still scream? What is the sound of one hand clapping a parrothead?”
“Not Zen, Son of Adam,” said a deep voice.
Asami whirled about to see the biggest lion he’d ever seen in his life. Not that he’d seen many, being a medieval Japanese gangster of sorts. “Who the hell are you?”
The lion gently knocked him over with a breath. Asami got up and punched the lion, who fell over with quite a look of surprise on his face. The parrot jumped between the two.
“Uh, Asami, this is Aslan. He’s God here. Aslan, this is Asami. Don’t fuck with him.”
“Yeah, your godship, don’t fuck with me. I’m not in the mood for any of your symbolic religious bullshit. From what I’ve heard, it ruined the whole series. I’ll take Harry Potter over you any day. And by the way, that’s some breath you’ve got there.”
Aslan, being God and all, didn’t take to that very well, and knocked Asami through the trees. As he flew through the branches, he saw another pond rushing up to meet him, and noticed Spock darting in trying to pull him away. But was too late, and they both went into the water.
Asami held his breath and hoped the Zen fairies were on his side.
**
When kawaiigato and Takaba jumped into the plot hole, both noticed something quickly flying by that looked like a man with a bird on his head, but they were too wrapped up in one another to pay much attention. Takaba, who is a little girly, had his legs and arms wrapped around the woman, and his eyes screwed tightly shut. He was still holding on when they hit land.
It looked like they were in the bottom of a tower that was open at the top. “Who builds a tower with no roof?” Takaba asked. kawaiigato smacked both Takaba and the author. “It’s not a tower, it’s a well.” The author felt stupid, and so took some revenge. kawaiigato was too damn long to type, so she would henceforth be known as Kat. Kat growled at this but couldn’t do a damn thing about it. Hee.
Takaba climbed up the sides of the well using the rope hanging down. Kat was so happy to be climbing behind him that she forgot to growl at her new name. They pulled themselves up on the ledge to find themselves in the midst of a full-scale battle.
An eight headed snake with a baboon at the center was ferociously attacking a priest, two girls, and a boy with dog ears. All of them were bleeding profusely, the snake oozing black tarry blood that burned everything it touched. Everyone froze.
One girl leaned toward the monk and said “It’s that fangirl who had sex with the BL character.” They all looked at each other in horror, except for the monk, who looked interested and started to ask her something.
The dog boy interrupted. “Naraku, you have to agree this is a greater threat than anything between us. We can’t allow fangirls to have sex with just any character, especially if they’re changing their sexual orientation.”
“Hey, I’m not gay,” said Takaba. The other characters looked at him in pity. “Of course you’re not,” said one of the girls. She turned to the monk and whispered, “See? He’s already confused.”
The monster nodded 6 out of eight of its heads, biting off the two that disagreed. “It unanimous then. I’ve had the fangirls do it to me too.” He shuddered. “Now I’m going to do it back! I wonder how they’ll like tentacle sex.”
Takaba and Kat looked at each other, O_o - o_O, and as the characters charged them, they jumped back into the well, narrowly escaping both death and tentacle sex, though they would still have to pay taxes, that universal constant.
“Well (haha), that sucked.” Takaba didn’t say anything, but from the way he was once again wrapped around her, she was sure he felt the same way. Yes, he certainly did feel the same way. “Hmm,” said Kat later, “Freefall sex is kind of fun.”
Some time after that (it was a really big plot hole), they again hit a hard surface. This time it was wood, and they were once again in the middle of a battle. Two huge ships fought for dominance on the high seas. Their pirate captain had a cocky grin and sleepy eyes that made Kat want to dump Takaba over the edge, but the author wouldn’t allow her to do that. Kat’s eyes pleaded. The author shook her head. Clown wigs had been mentioned, so it wasn’t gonna happen in this story.
Kat’s eyes filled and two big tears rolled down her cheeks. Then Takaba started crying. Crap. Who can resist a weepy uke? Fine. Jack grabbed Takaba and kissed him senseless. Kat glared. Then Jack grabbed Kat and did the same. Kat threw Jack down onto the deck of the ship, intent on having her way with him, but she had scared the crap out of him and he jumped up, grabbed Takaba and ran for his cabin where they could have BL in private.
Kat was pissed. She wasn’t about to let him steal her uke. Not to mention that if there was going to be any BL between those two, she was going to watch. She jumped for a rope hanging from some sail type thingy (if you really need to know what it’s called, ask Sue) and swung across the deck knocking the two men down.
Another pirate grabbed her. She kicked back into his knee and he let go and fell over with a yell. She grabbed his cutlass, then grabbed Takaba, then jumped to the rail of the ship. Jack looked up with dazed adoring eyes. “Stay here with me, my darlins.”
“Not until the sequel to Road Trip, Jack. Then you’ll have your chance.” And with that she jumped over the edge of the ship with the sword in one hand and Takaba in the other.....
...and they were once more falling, this time through space. (luckily there was a small pocket of air around them so they could breath. Breathing being a main concern of the author’s and all.). There was a small speck in front of them that seemed to be looming larger. Kat squinted, trying to make it out. What was that? It couldn’t be.... She looked back at the author. “You can’t be serious.”
The author grinned as the disc on the backs of four elephants, who were in turn carried by a turtle, rushed up to meet them.