(no subject)
so last night at like 12 oclock in the morning, right before i
showered, i had this sudden impulse to cut bangs for myself. and
i did. and i think they look ok. haha. maybe i
should've waited for an actually hair dresser to do it, but i figure
that being impulsive is better than being skittish about
everything. and that up until now, i've been pretty cautious
about stuff. you know, thinking about the consequences of what
could happen. and now i've decided, fuck it.
and i guess the first place to start is with bangs. haha.
ok so they're a tab bit short for my liking, but hey, hair grows. i'll be ok. and they look cute. although the references to dj from full house that my mom keeps making, not as cute.
do you ever get the sudden urge to just tell someone everything that you're feeling without thinking about it? and just letting it all come out?
i almost did that today. it would've been incredibly bad if i had.
today, in the library at suffolk, i wrote, for the first time since..., about something other than my father. and it was somewhat therapeutic. but a part of me kind of felt like i was betraying him. almost like, if i start to write about different things, and start to think about different things sometimes, i'm doing something wrong. i feel guilty. almost as if it seems as if i don't care as much.
i have to say though that one of the only reasons why i wrote about another topic was because i really didn't feel like crying in the midst of a bunch of people who i don't know.
i'm so tired of this. of everything.
it's just really not fair at all. sometimes it's so bad that i just want to sit in my room and sleep all day and all night. however i know i can't do that. because i know that i have it really really bad, but the fact is that i need to keep going. keep moving because I'm never going to get better if i continually wallow. i mean not to say wallowing is a bad thing. i love to wallow at times. just not all the time.
i'm tired. i miss my dad a lot. a lot. my heart drops all the time when i think about it. is this really real?
blahh.
and i guess the first place to start is with bangs. haha.
ok so they're a tab bit short for my liking, but hey, hair grows. i'll be ok. and they look cute. although the references to dj from full house that my mom keeps making, not as cute.
do you ever get the sudden urge to just tell someone everything that you're feeling without thinking about it? and just letting it all come out?
i almost did that today. it would've been incredibly bad if i had.
today, in the library at suffolk, i wrote, for the first time since..., about something other than my father. and it was somewhat therapeutic. but a part of me kind of felt like i was betraying him. almost like, if i start to write about different things, and start to think about different things sometimes, i'm doing something wrong. i feel guilty. almost as if it seems as if i don't care as much.
i have to say though that one of the only reasons why i wrote about another topic was because i really didn't feel like crying in the midst of a bunch of people who i don't know.
i'm so tired of this. of everything.
it's just really not fair at all. sometimes it's so bad that i just want to sit in my room and sleep all day and all night. however i know i can't do that. because i know that i have it really really bad, but the fact is that i need to keep going. keep moving because I'm never going to get better if i continually wallow. i mean not to say wallowing is a bad thing. i love to wallow at times. just not all the time.
i'm tired. i miss my dad a lot. a lot. my heart drops all the time when i think about it. is this really real?
blahh.