Afraid of the Future

[summer_melody]

I am afraid when I am sad.
I am afraid that I can't be strong enough to stop those insecure thoughts.
Insecure thoughts about myself lead to suicidal thoughts.
On vacation I thought I had regenerated myself so this could be over.
But here I am crying a little.
Cuz you know...my significant other isn't there for me.
And I come home to parents with problems and their criticisms and negativity.

And I know what's in store in the future.
I know the things I have to do.
School and more school, job interviews, jobs, work, more work, more and more work.

I don't really want to live when I think about those things.
I don't really want to do anything when I think about those things.

I have tunnel vision right now.
I think.

I'm starting to think I'm concentrating on a lot of bad things.

Cuz life can be really good.
Life can be really good.
Life can be soo wonderful.
And I'm letting only a boy and an absense of a family get me down.

But there is only me.
Me.
Me to help me.
Me to get myself up when I am down.
Nobody else can actually cheer me up.
They can help.
But it's me.
It's my sad.
It's my problem.

But it's not such a big problem.
Cuz it's only a stupid boy.
And a dysfunctional family.

And I should only need me.

should.