crossposted to myspace & yahoo 360
a stay at the hospital and a rant about fat-haters
been back from the hospital since sat. still not feeling 100%, but def better than before. i think i'm starting to hate fever even more than puking. before the infection became apparent i started getting the chills... and that's when i knew something was wrong... because the chills i get are violent... i had gone to work last saturday morning, and i took a motrin to keep the fever at bay, but after i got home, i didnt take anything, because i knew i was going to the hospital (the cellulitis finally showed itself on my hip that morning) so i was at the hospital, and i just kept getting colder and colder, they started me at prompt care... and i kept asking for an extra blanket, and i swear it was like they didnt want to give me one... i waited like 2 hours, and by then they gave me 3 heated blankets, and i had my jacket, and my moms jacket on top of me, and i still couldnt get warm. so that part sucks, because my muscles are tensing and relaxing and tensing, and so on and so forth, i was in so much pain, and so anxious at that point i just had to cry. which of course makes everything worse. so, they ran tests... but the first set of blood they drew got messed up, so they had to re-draw... then they decided to admit me, and i was seen by the hospitalist. she was a complete idiot... and she treated me like i was an invalid... and as if i was mentally challenged. she was very obviously a fat hater. then i was told i was going to have to spend the night in the ER, because all the heavy duty beds from their supplier were out. so i was not very polite when i told them there was no way in hell i could spend the night on the stretcher... it was comfortable for maybe the 1st 2 hours! i asked if i could be sedated, and for an egg crate. they got this awesome air matress topper, and it was much easier to be on the stretcher. the nurse told me that the dr would not order me a sedative, and i was like...WTF? so after a couple hours of being annoyed, i finally got seriously pissed, and demanded the dr come see me, and explain to me why i could not have a sedative. i think the nurse must have realized i meant business, because about 20 minutes later, i had a xanax delivered, and didnt even have to speak to the stupid fat hater. then my fever started to break, and i was sweating wildly, and i was annoyed because no one would bring me a wet towel. so i poured some of my water on some napkins i had, and it helped a bit, after that they told me they were going to bring me up to the 2nd floor, and just let me stay on the stretcher there til they could get a bed on sunday.
so i spent the week in the hospital. had an IV in 3 different spots, because the medication i was on was pretty harsh on the veins. i was also on a kick ass pain killer... delauded (sp?) a deriviative of morphine. it took 4 days for my fever to finally subside. i had a strep infection in my blood, and so i was on seriously high doses of penacilian, and some other antibiotic. the one they used last time made me ill for like a month & a half after finsihing it, so i couldn't take it again.
most of the nurses and nurses aides were great. although i did have one nurse i ref'd to as "the butcher" because she made me take a shot in my stomach, and she gave it to me wrong, and i still have a gigantic bruise the size of my HAND on my precious belly! then i had a nurse one night who i call Fatty McFat Hater... because she was a big girl (i'd say at least a size 22) and she tried to talk to me about being fat, in a way like that it was bad... I can't stand when fat people who are not happy with themselves want to commiserate with me. I told her, that no, i have no plans of dieting, I am happy with who I am, and that i do not wish to discuss it further. she continued on, saying how it must be so hard, and blah blah blah... and so i said to her "Ok, I am going to be blunt with you, this is my 2nd request for you to discontinue this line of discussion" heh, she became flustered, and left...
ok... yes... life is a little different for me, because i am an ssbbw... i don't get around as quickly or as spry-ly as someone smaller. i need sturdy furniture... and i have a hard time finding "cool" clothes... and i'm sure many other things that i don't think of because what is the point on dwelling on things you can't do? what a waste of time, when you could be thinking and doing what you CAN do... the thing is... this is my body... and this is me... and it is no ones business or responsibility to make me "see the light" i really feel bad for people who can't be happy in their own skin. and i am tired of shrugging these kind of insidents off as people who "just care" or "just want to help" because these people have no right to look at my body, and think they need to "fix" it... would someone walk up to someone with a huge nose and say "wow, your nose is huge, have you ever thought of rhinoplasty?"
i know- i know... i rant about this all the time... it just seems that perhaps my patience has run thin now... and i'm starting to feel like the more i let people get away with it, the more it will be my fault if things dont start to change as far as fat still being a socially acceptable prejudice. i've never been an "activist" except for trying to be a decent representavie of an ssbbw... i.e. having social graces, contributing to society through working and charity, and in general trying to be a good person.
I don't understand why my body is ANYONE else's business. Even if they are FA and think I have a great ass... If I don't know them , I certainly don't want a comment about my ass to be one of the 1st things out of their mouth. I know... i'm idealisitc when i say people should judge people based on their character. and of course i understand the importance of attraction. If someone thinks I have a great ass... cool... tell me you think i'm beautiful... or compliment my hair... or my outfit... but when you start to sexualize me from go, i just want to kick you in the teeth. :) Now, once I get to know someone... that's another story... and a whole different context.
So, back to the whole fat haters thing... and not being able to grit my teeth and smile during unsolicited advice and inqueries... 2 weeks ago, the lady at the dunking donuts drive thru window, insisted that i had lost weight. then went on to say how dieting is hard.. but i can do it! i told her i wasn't dieting, nor had i lost weight to my knowledge. and really... couldn't my order of donuts and mt dew clue her in? i didnt say anything defensive though, because i don't really know what to say anymore. i refuse to say thank you. i think i just took my change and wished her a goodnight. but what can i say without sounding rude? I don't want to be mean, or bitter or defensive. I just wish i knew something to say that would be polite, yet firm. Once I had a boyfriend during an incident, and I told the lady who was badgering me and going on about finding a man, that "my boyfriend likes me the way i am" and that seemed to deter her.. but i don't have a boyfriend now... and it seems like there should be something i could say in a positive way... yeah, now i've gone on enough... it just comes down to me not knowing what to say... but at this point in my life not wanting to say nothing... ugh
i do want to give kudos to the valet lady at the casino... she is always there, and of course recognizes me, because i'm there allll the time, lol... she always says hello, but last time i saw her she said "you look very nice today" that is a compliment! not "you look like you've lost weight!" or "you have such a pretty face but..."
ok.... now i swear i am done ranting (for today) and i am going to start getting caught up on all the work i missed while i was out (which i swear my mother should have at least attempted to do some of it.. because i was out for a freakin week! and the week before i only worked one day and took vacation the rest of the time! ugh!)
i'm glad to be out of the hospital, and feeling better... and i look forward to when i'm 100% again.
word
been back from the hospital since sat. still not feeling 100%, but def better than before. i think i'm starting to hate fever even more than puking. before the infection became apparent i started getting the chills... and that's when i knew something was wrong... because the chills i get are violent... i had gone to work last saturday morning, and i took a motrin to keep the fever at bay, but after i got home, i didnt take anything, because i knew i was going to the hospital (the cellulitis finally showed itself on my hip that morning) so i was at the hospital, and i just kept getting colder and colder, they started me at prompt care... and i kept asking for an extra blanket, and i swear it was like they didnt want to give me one... i waited like 2 hours, and by then they gave me 3 heated blankets, and i had my jacket, and my moms jacket on top of me, and i still couldnt get warm. so that part sucks, because my muscles are tensing and relaxing and tensing, and so on and so forth, i was in so much pain, and so anxious at that point i just had to cry. which of course makes everything worse. so, they ran tests... but the first set of blood they drew got messed up, so they had to re-draw... then they decided to admit me, and i was seen by the hospitalist. she was a complete idiot... and she treated me like i was an invalid... and as if i was mentally challenged. she was very obviously a fat hater. then i was told i was going to have to spend the night in the ER, because all the heavy duty beds from their supplier were out. so i was not very polite when i told them there was no way in hell i could spend the night on the stretcher... it was comfortable for maybe the 1st 2 hours! i asked if i could be sedated, and for an egg crate. they got this awesome air matress topper, and it was much easier to be on the stretcher. the nurse told me that the dr would not order me a sedative, and i was like...WTF? so after a couple hours of being annoyed, i finally got seriously pissed, and demanded the dr come see me, and explain to me why i could not have a sedative. i think the nurse must have realized i meant business, because about 20 minutes later, i had a xanax delivered, and didnt even have to speak to the stupid fat hater. then my fever started to break, and i was sweating wildly, and i was annoyed because no one would bring me a wet towel. so i poured some of my water on some napkins i had, and it helped a bit, after that they told me they were going to bring me up to the 2nd floor, and just let me stay on the stretcher there til they could get a bed on sunday.
so i spent the week in the hospital. had an IV in 3 different spots, because the medication i was on was pretty harsh on the veins. i was also on a kick ass pain killer... delauded (sp?) a deriviative of morphine. it took 4 days for my fever to finally subside. i had a strep infection in my blood, and so i was on seriously high doses of penacilian, and some other antibiotic. the one they used last time made me ill for like a month & a half after finsihing it, so i couldn't take it again.
most of the nurses and nurses aides were great. although i did have one nurse i ref'd to as "the butcher" because she made me take a shot in my stomach, and she gave it to me wrong, and i still have a gigantic bruise the size of my HAND on my precious belly! then i had a nurse one night who i call Fatty McFat Hater... because she was a big girl (i'd say at least a size 22) and she tried to talk to me about being fat, in a way like that it was bad... I can't stand when fat people who are not happy with themselves want to commiserate with me. I told her, that no, i have no plans of dieting, I am happy with who I am, and that i do not wish to discuss it further. she continued on, saying how it must be so hard, and blah blah blah... and so i said to her "Ok, I am going to be blunt with you, this is my 2nd request for you to discontinue this line of discussion" heh, she became flustered, and left...
ok... yes... life is a little different for me, because i am an ssbbw... i don't get around as quickly or as spry-ly as someone smaller. i need sturdy furniture... and i have a hard time finding "cool" clothes... and i'm sure many other things that i don't think of because what is the point on dwelling on things you can't do? what a waste of time, when you could be thinking and doing what you CAN do... the thing is... this is my body... and this is me... and it is no ones business or responsibility to make me "see the light" i really feel bad for people who can't be happy in their own skin. and i am tired of shrugging these kind of insidents off as people who "just care" or "just want to help" because these people have no right to look at my body, and think they need to "fix" it... would someone walk up to someone with a huge nose and say "wow, your nose is huge, have you ever thought of rhinoplasty?"
i know- i know... i rant about this all the time... it just seems that perhaps my patience has run thin now... and i'm starting to feel like the more i let people get away with it, the more it will be my fault if things dont start to change as far as fat still being a socially acceptable prejudice. i've never been an "activist" except for trying to be a decent representavie of an ssbbw... i.e. having social graces, contributing to society through working and charity, and in general trying to be a good person.
I don't understand why my body is ANYONE else's business. Even if they are FA and think I have a great ass... If I don't know them , I certainly don't want a comment about my ass to be one of the 1st things out of their mouth. I know... i'm idealisitc when i say people should judge people based on their character. and of course i understand the importance of attraction. If someone thinks I have a great ass... cool... tell me you think i'm beautiful... or compliment my hair... or my outfit... but when you start to sexualize me from go, i just want to kick you in the teeth. :) Now, once I get to know someone... that's another story... and a whole different context.
So, back to the whole fat haters thing... and not being able to grit my teeth and smile during unsolicited advice and inqueries... 2 weeks ago, the lady at the dunking donuts drive thru window, insisted that i had lost weight. then went on to say how dieting is hard.. but i can do it! i told her i wasn't dieting, nor had i lost weight to my knowledge. and really... couldn't my order of donuts and mt dew clue her in? i didnt say anything defensive though, because i don't really know what to say anymore. i refuse to say thank you. i think i just took my change and wished her a goodnight. but what can i say without sounding rude? I don't want to be mean, or bitter or defensive. I just wish i knew something to say that would be polite, yet firm. Once I had a boyfriend during an incident, and I told the lady who was badgering me and going on about finding a man, that "my boyfriend likes me the way i am" and that seemed to deter her.. but i don't have a boyfriend now... and it seems like there should be something i could say in a positive way... yeah, now i've gone on enough... it just comes down to me not knowing what to say... but at this point in my life not wanting to say nothing... ugh
i do want to give kudos to the valet lady at the casino... she is always there, and of course recognizes me, because i'm there allll the time, lol... she always says hello, but last time i saw her she said "you look very nice today" that is a compliment! not "you look like you've lost weight!" or "you have such a pretty face but..."
ok.... now i swear i am done ranting (for today) and i am going to start getting caught up on all the work i missed while i was out (which i swear my mother should have at least attempted to do some of it.. because i was out for a freakin week! and the week before i only worked one day and took vacation the rest of the time! ugh!)
i'm glad to be out of the hospital, and feeling better... and i look forward to when i'm 100% again.
word