yesterday...
first of all...thanks everybody for keeping me in your thoughts yesterday. its really hard for me to capture my feelings about this point in my life...but its nice to know i have great and supportive friends.
i think part of me got a little ahead of myself with everything but its very overwhelming. i didn't sleep hardly at all the night before my flight. putting on a damn business suit and heading out in the wee hours made me sick to stomach. sometimes i think that the bottom line really is that i'm just sick of being a professional...i need a big break from it. i want to keep my nose ring in and let my hair get greasy if i want it to. and then an hour later that same suit makes me feel confident and reminds me that i have places to go.
and i sat at the airport amongst many others in suits. except my ipod was in me ear...not my blue tooth cell phone and my nintendo ds was in my hands...not my laptop. i dosed off on the plane...lucky enough to get a window seat then jumped in a cab on the way to the hotel.
i had no idea that i would actually be meeting folks at a conference of the union's leaders. i think they called it their leadership institute. i walked into the hotel and there are nurses everywhere and UAN signs all over the place. i'm taken to the organizing director who is actually in an organizing workshop doing role plays with another staff person and coaching nurses along in their role plays. this struck me right away. unfortunately most organizing directors are VERY far removed from the actual organizing. they just pop their head in here and there, haven't had a real conversation with workers in years and yet make campaign decisions. but here was an organizing director...a black women amongst an all female executive committee ACTUALLY organizing. i was really impressed with that and appreciated it a lot. i met 2 other organizers that were really nice and also very casual. they were totally honest about the work and we had some great conversation over lunch.
after that finally came the interview. it was definitely more of a conversation then an interview. the 2 organizers i met actually turned out to be coordinators so they came to the interview as well. we talked about things that are important to me...some about the structure of the union and what they come up against being so small. they do housevists which is great because i'm really over the "we're a professional union and don't do stuff like that" bullshit. i didn't have too many questions since i had been hanging out with the organizers all day.
and then something really interesting happened. i decided to be totally upfront about how i was feeling. i said i'm jaded and i'm not sure if i want to be an organizer anymore. that it's this amazing thing that i love doing but that i'm not a martyr and i want to live a sane life. i said that i'm at a crossroads and i'm not sure what i want to do. they all responded by saying "me too." the director said this is her last shot to do something. she was on her way to europe to cash out her 401k and then had this offer and decided to give it her last shot at organizing. she went on to say that she's been there and she believes in being healthy and taking care of her staff. then something even more interesting happened. she looked at me kind of sly...almost winked...and said "you call me when you're ready and i hope you call me soon."
my god. i have a lot to think about. maybe i will make one of those lists that hilary is so fond of. ha ha. i mean is this it? is this a labor job that will actually be good? or sould i stop this second, third chance bullshit? and is traveling that much really ok with me? is it fair of me to accept a job like this even when i don't see myself in it for the long term? ahhhh stressful.
i need another tattoo. that might help.
in other news...coming down to richmond tonight for the weekend and going to strawberry street cafe which is in my top 5 favorite places back home. YAY! hil's never been so i'm excited to go with everybody. going to a phillies game (finally!) monday night. and today we pick up our food share which is this kind of a co-op like thing where you buy groceries without going thru a middle man like a grocery store. we're getting fruit and a farm share which is a random selection of fresh stuff all from local farms. i'm excited to see what's in it. last month we got a produce package for 15 bucks that was a huge box of tons of stuff as well as eggs. i'm really excited.
oh and i got propositioned by a weird morrocan guy wednesday while having coffee with a pal on 9th st. at one point we had offered up 6 grand and wanted me to come with him to morroco, spain and france. WTF?! he offered me a bite of his peach and said i was very pretty and he likes bigger women...i promptly told him i do too which i thought might turn him away but it only made him sit down, grab at my shorts (to show me they were similar to his) and rub the tattoo on my leg. EW. he asked if i ever liked men and i said no...starting to get annoyed and i asked him if he did and that he should try it if he thinks i should try it so bad. (usually this is my common line of questioning to get creepy guys like this to make a lame "you need some deep dicking comment" and walk the hell away but it just wasn't working!!) then he leaned in close and touched his lips to my ear and asked if i was male or female. FINALLY A COMPLIMENT!!! right...so gross. my god. i said i wouldn't tell him cause i'm not exactly sure. eventually he left when i scooted away but not until taking several pictures of my friend and me on his on his cell phone. now i need a new coffee shop. great.
ok...i need a plum and maybe a nap. see ya.
i think part of me got a little ahead of myself with everything but its very overwhelming. i didn't sleep hardly at all the night before my flight. putting on a damn business suit and heading out in the wee hours made me sick to stomach. sometimes i think that the bottom line really is that i'm just sick of being a professional...i need a big break from it. i want to keep my nose ring in and let my hair get greasy if i want it to. and then an hour later that same suit makes me feel confident and reminds me that i have places to go.
and i sat at the airport amongst many others in suits. except my ipod was in me ear...not my blue tooth cell phone and my nintendo ds was in my hands...not my laptop. i dosed off on the plane...lucky enough to get a window seat then jumped in a cab on the way to the hotel.
i had no idea that i would actually be meeting folks at a conference of the union's leaders. i think they called it their leadership institute. i walked into the hotel and there are nurses everywhere and UAN signs all over the place. i'm taken to the organizing director who is actually in an organizing workshop doing role plays with another staff person and coaching nurses along in their role plays. this struck me right away. unfortunately most organizing directors are VERY far removed from the actual organizing. they just pop their head in here and there, haven't had a real conversation with workers in years and yet make campaign decisions. but here was an organizing director...a black women amongst an all female executive committee ACTUALLY organizing. i was really impressed with that and appreciated it a lot. i met 2 other organizers that were really nice and also very casual. they were totally honest about the work and we had some great conversation over lunch.
after that finally came the interview. it was definitely more of a conversation then an interview. the 2 organizers i met actually turned out to be coordinators so they came to the interview as well. we talked about things that are important to me...some about the structure of the union and what they come up against being so small. they do housevists which is great because i'm really over the "we're a professional union and don't do stuff like that" bullshit. i didn't have too many questions since i had been hanging out with the organizers all day.
and then something really interesting happened. i decided to be totally upfront about how i was feeling. i said i'm jaded and i'm not sure if i want to be an organizer anymore. that it's this amazing thing that i love doing but that i'm not a martyr and i want to live a sane life. i said that i'm at a crossroads and i'm not sure what i want to do. they all responded by saying "me too." the director said this is her last shot to do something. she was on her way to europe to cash out her 401k and then had this offer and decided to give it her last shot at organizing. she went on to say that she's been there and she believes in being healthy and taking care of her staff. then something even more interesting happened. she looked at me kind of sly...almost winked...and said "you call me when you're ready and i hope you call me soon."
my god. i have a lot to think about. maybe i will make one of those lists that hilary is so fond of. ha ha. i mean is this it? is this a labor job that will actually be good? or sould i stop this second, third chance bullshit? and is traveling that much really ok with me? is it fair of me to accept a job like this even when i don't see myself in it for the long term? ahhhh stressful.
i need another tattoo. that might help.
in other news...coming down to richmond tonight for the weekend and going to strawberry street cafe which is in my top 5 favorite places back home. YAY! hil's never been so i'm excited to go with everybody. going to a phillies game (finally!) monday night. and today we pick up our food share which is this kind of a co-op like thing where you buy groceries without going thru a middle man like a grocery store. we're getting fruit and a farm share which is a random selection of fresh stuff all from local farms. i'm excited to see what's in it. last month we got a produce package for 15 bucks that was a huge box of tons of stuff as well as eggs. i'm really excited.
oh and i got propositioned by a weird morrocan guy wednesday while having coffee with a pal on 9th st. at one point we had offered up 6 grand and wanted me to come with him to morroco, spain and france. WTF?! he offered me a bite of his peach and said i was very pretty and he likes bigger women...i promptly told him i do too which i thought might turn him away but it only made him sit down, grab at my shorts (to show me they were similar to his) and rub the tattoo on my leg. EW. he asked if i ever liked men and i said no...starting to get annoyed and i asked him if he did and that he should try it if he thinks i should try it so bad. (usually this is my common line of questioning to get creepy guys like this to make a lame "you need some deep dicking comment" and walk the hell away but it just wasn't working!!) then he leaned in close and touched his lips to my ear and asked if i was male or female. FINALLY A COMPLIMENT!!! right...so gross. my god. i said i wouldn't tell him cause i'm not exactly sure. eventually he left when i scooted away but not until taking several pictures of my friend and me on his on his cell phone. now i need a new coffee shop. great.
ok...i need a plum and maybe a nap. see ya.