The ensuing mess...

[summagal526]

So I'm apparently really self-concious about my writing. I'm also a perfectionist. Therefore imperfect writing -> anxiety -> guilt -> issues. Usually I can pick apart an assignment in my head in order to deduce the purpose of the assignment and formulate a plan. When I am not clear on the purpose of the assignment, that leads to confusion, frustration, and avoidance. I have to get to the end in order to get to the beginning and start the darn thing. This is a very big problem that I have been able to hide reasonably well now that I have to write a college essay. I don't know what they want to hear so how am I supposed to write something that meets unidentified needs? Aaahhhhh. And I just bit off all my nails, lol. And Jake and I still desperately need to block our piece because we have to show it to Aves tomorrow (second period!) and we haven't started blocking at all! And I still have to write that huge Psych paper. And do minor assignments in math and physics. And I spent all of last night downloading music onto my computer. And I've eaten about a carton and a half of Ben & Jerry's in the past two days. And basically I'm freaking out about nothing. Except I'm an internal freaker outer, and you wouldn't really know it unless I tell you, except that usually my room is an utter mess. It's relatively clean right now. I guess freaking out is better than having to convince myself to be totally apathetic as has been my technique in recent years. I want to be on top of things so I can do some reading of my own. I'm glad that freaking out doesn't entail unhappiness. I'm very happy, just wrought with anxiety. Amanda and Autie have each had their outward, vocal, and tearful freak out / break downs. They said I was next. I told them that I wasn't a public crier and I wouldn't end up in the bathroom like them, and I guess I was right, because I'm not going to freak out like they did, that's not my nature, but I am freaking out. I was imagining senior year to be a little more fun and a little less stressful, but it's all good. I'm glad I'm happy with the way things are. Now, instead of avoiding my problems via livejournal, I'm going to do my best to face them. I'm a little scared, but I'm ready to try something new.

MERHS '05... I miss you guys... when I have room in my head to think about you, but still... :-)

<3 Chrisketch (I kinda miss that nick name, it doesn't get used as much with out the seniors '05 around)

PS... Thanksgiving isn't too far away.