This is..
REDICULOUS. how i act. im so stupid at times and i cant just change that. WHY CANT I JUST CHANGE MY MOODS!? i have these awful mood swings. i get irritated and then happy. come on diane! Im so sorry. i really can not help how i feel. i really cant just like i explained in my last entry. i ask for it daily. ::eyes water:: i cant even begin.... i guess i am crazy. because. eleven.... eleven. eleven. and ill say it 300 more times. its not just a coincidence. it happened now. it happens a lot. i hate how no one believes me. but that doesnt really matter because i believe in it. i have faith for it. it felt so good. to not think of him for a month. it felt so good to not miss him for just a month.. it felt so good.
do you know? guys are cold hearted. i understand why girls are lesbiens. to have equal emotions.
i feel aalright right now. you know its all in your head. ill come up with some kind of solution. so ill think of the one thing that will get me through this crap life. and it will make me happy no matter what. that will be my mood switcher. i guess if things dont go the way id like them it bothers me. but that doesnt matter...
i made it to that point. i got far. diane got so far with this. moving on concept. and then it reversed. i just blocked that issue out. and now i cant bc im around the issue. i thank God everyday... for how great my life is. and you know. my happy thought is dying. but christians dont die. they go home. just going home. it makes me so happy to think i wont be living like this on this awful earth forever. i wont have these crappy emotions and temptations that separate me from Him. I hate being apart from Him. and when it happens it seems hard to get close again.
im excited for this summer. feels like it should be over already though. i guess bc the last few days feels like months.
im really not worried. i feel like i dont have much to look forward too. but im not worried. i dont care actually.
i still get bothered. however....
I could NEVER be friends with Ross. like think of him as just a friend. i could never... unless he just turned into a brian. but brian just sucks as a person. soo i could never be friends with ross. i can hang out with him but.. i cant be friends with some one ive had history with. these last 7 months have felt like maybe 2 months. it went by so fast. just because i dont see him for that long doesnt mean i dont like him still. you think id be over it you say? after that long... i will never be over it untill i find that person that just rocks my world a million times more. ita the truth. i dont get over it till im with someone so much better. so true. i cant. i tell you what though. to avoid these situations id rather go back in time and and changed that day. i would have never went up to ross and kevin... i would have never said high. i woould have never made new freinds that day. to avoid the brutual ending. i would have to admit... id take it all back. but hay. its my fault i always meet the guys. they never meet me..
do you know? guys are cold hearted. i understand why girls are lesbiens. to have equal emotions.
i feel aalright right now. you know its all in your head. ill come up with some kind of solution. so ill think of the one thing that will get me through this crap life. and it will make me happy no matter what. that will be my mood switcher. i guess if things dont go the way id like them it bothers me. but that doesnt matter...
i made it to that point. i got far. diane got so far with this. moving on concept. and then it reversed. i just blocked that issue out. and now i cant bc im around the issue. i thank God everyday... for how great my life is. and you know. my happy thought is dying. but christians dont die. they go home. just going home. it makes me so happy to think i wont be living like this on this awful earth forever. i wont have these crappy emotions and temptations that separate me from Him. I hate being apart from Him. and when it happens it seems hard to get close again.
im excited for this summer. feels like it should be over already though. i guess bc the last few days feels like months.
im really not worried. i feel like i dont have much to look forward too. but im not worried. i dont care actually.
i still get bothered. however....
I could NEVER be friends with Ross. like think of him as just a friend. i could never... unless he just turned into a brian. but brian just sucks as a person. soo i could never be friends with ross. i can hang out with him but.. i cant be friends with some one ive had history with. these last 7 months have felt like maybe 2 months. it went by so fast. just because i dont see him for that long doesnt mean i dont like him still. you think id be over it you say? after that long... i will never be over it untill i find that person that just rocks my world a million times more. ita the truth. i dont get over it till im with someone so much better. so true. i cant. i tell you what though. to avoid these situations id rather go back in time and and changed that day. i would have never went up to ross and kevin... i would have never said high. i woould have never made new freinds that day. to avoid the brutual ending. i would have to admit... id take it all back. but hay. its my fault i always meet the guys. they never meet me..