(no subject)
An old, old letter, sent long ago in reply to two others, now has been discarded not far from them. The hand that forged it is not nearly as neat or practiced, nor was it as careful of rum rings or ink splots. It's a letter from one self-educated seaman to a counterpart uncomfortably far away, and at least half meant in jest. The lines are not straight, and the words criss-cross before it is over.
James;
You Are Capitalizing And So So Will Aye! Of Course Its Bloody Frozen And Unbarable In England. Dont Freeze Off Anything Important. Or Your Nose, Fingers, Etc. You Should Have Stayed Here Where It Is Wondersome Warm And Frollicfull. Good Riddance To You And Have Fun Freezing. You Idiot. You Will Die Of Valliantism And Never Be Seen Again.
Do Not Think I Will Follow You And Drag You Back, For I Most Defiantly Will Not.
Glad I Am To Here Tell That The Navy Remains Full Of Morons, Even If Not So Officious As Before. Or Perhaps As Officious And Just Stupider.
Also, You May Prefer Being In Command In Life, But I Here Its Not The Same In Bed. Har-Har.
Aye Am Warm, Though Not As Warm As Before Your Departure Obviously Because It Is Winter Now, And Union Jack Mourns Your Loss. He Has Thoroughly Destroyed Your Personal Objects For Bedding Though I Did Tell Him He Should Not. He Also Refuses To Put On Any Parties And Is Generally Even More Boring Than You At Your Worst! We Two Too Are Considering A Change Of Local To Somewhere More Eastern, Perhaps The African Thingies. It Might Be Fun And We Here Tell That The Women Are Very Pretty. Seeing As I Am Currently UnControlled And Wild And Willful And Free This Can Only End Well. We Shall Set Sail Near Immediately And So You Truly Ought Consider Sending Further Letters In That General Direction Instead Of This One. That Is To Say, If Navy Life Has Rotted Your Brain Again, South Rather Than South-West, You Poor Directionless Sod Your Turning Turner.
I Protest! I Am Not An English Pirate! You May Keep Your Naval Gun Crews And Have Much Fun Chafing With Them! Eu amo meu país e não é Inglaterra! And So On. Despite Her Trying To Kill Me. EvryOne Else Does Too Except You, Despite Your Accusations Of Maliciousness Which Wound Terribly. And The Crew Drank All The Rum Once Again. It Is Unfair And Aye Miss You Though Union Jack Does Not Know Why. I Think He Is Deaf.
Sincerely, et al,
Jack S.
Post Script: Aye Wish Your Blankness Of Custom Would Drown A Fiery Death Of Drowning And Stay That Way. As Long As It Does Not Take Its Proprietor With It.
James;
You Are Capitalizing And So So Will Aye! Of Course Its Bloody Frozen And Unbarable In England. Dont Freeze Off Anything Important. Or Your Nose, Fingers, Etc. You Should Have Stayed Here Where It Is Wondersome Warm And Frollicfull. Good Riddance To You And Have Fun Freezing. You Idiot. You Will Die Of Valliantism And Never Be Seen Again.
Do Not Think I Will Follow You And Drag You Back, For I Most Defiantly Will Not.
Glad I Am To Here Tell That The Navy Remains Full Of Morons, Even If Not So Officious As Before. Or Perhaps As Officious And Just Stupider.
Also, You May Prefer Being In Command In Life, But I Here Its Not The Same In Bed. Har-Har.
Aye Am Warm, Though Not As Warm As Before Your Departure Obviously Because It Is Winter Now, And Union Jack Mourns Your Loss. He Has Thoroughly Destroyed Your Personal Objects For Bedding Though I Did Tell Him He Should Not. He Also Refuses To Put On Any Parties And Is Generally Even More Boring Than You At Your Worst! We Two Too Are Considering A Change Of Local To Somewhere More Eastern, Perhaps The African Thingies. It Might Be Fun And We Here Tell That The Women Are Very Pretty. Seeing As I Am Currently UnControlled And Wild And Willful And Free This Can Only End Well. We Shall Set Sail Near Immediately And So You Truly Ought Consider Sending Further Letters In That General Direction Instead Of This One. That Is To Say, If Navy Life Has Rotted Your Brain Again, South Rather Than South-West, You Poor Directionless Sod Your Turning Turner.
I Protest! I Am Not An English Pirate! You May Keep Your Naval Gun Crews And Have Much Fun Chafing With Them! Eu amo meu país e não é Inglaterra! And So On. Despite Her Trying To Kill Me. EvryOne Else Does Too Except You, Despite Your Accusations Of Maliciousness Which Wound Terribly. And The Crew Drank All The Rum Once Again. It Is Unfair And Aye Miss You Though Union Jack Does Not Know Why. I Think He Is Deaf.
Sincerely, et al,
Jack S.
Post Script: Aye Wish Your Blankness Of Custom Would Drown A Fiery Death Of Drowning And Stay That Way. As Long As It Does Not Take Its Proprietor With It.