You Can Try (2/?)
Quick note: I'm not sure when I'll be posting the next chapter. I have an idea for where I want this to go, but that's all at this point. Comments are love ^^
His entire body aches. It always ached, he's become used to it, but he's reached the end of his rope and wants to curl up and cry and sleep for a couple years.
Filming Cool Kiz, filming his drama, practicing for their comeback, preparing for concerts. There were too many things to do, and the only way to keep up was to push himself beyond the limit. He's done that before, but he felt much more cynical about it this time than he ever had before.
One day of rest. That's all he wanted. One day to relax, to pop open a couple beers and stuff his face with food. To watch mindless garbage on TV, have sex till he couldn't think.
And he was finally getting it. A whole 18 hours to himself. They had meetings tomorrow, early in the morning, but Yunho had seen his exhaustion and his slowly worsening temper, and told him to take a break. He would attend the meetings alone, take care of everything that needed taking care of, and Changmin could go home and take a breather till their flight to Japan at 5 in the evening tomorrow.
Changmin had protested, said he didn't have to do anything alone, but Yunho firmly told him everything was fine, and that Changmin should go unwind with Julien.
At that Changmin had smiled gratefully, if a little weakly, and Yunho had just squeezed his shoulder, smiling back.
That was how he found himself in their car, Yunho talking to their managers about nothing in particular, while he sat quietly and stared out the window, too tired to talk, but happy all the same. Thinking about Julien always made him happy and warm.
"Changmin-ah, should I drop you off at Julien's?" their manager asked from the driver's seat.
He replied with a yes, and then chuckled to himself. He spent so much of his free time there, all of his managers, even Yunho's, knew where Julien lived, and recently some of them had stopped even asking Changmin where he wanted to go. This hyung still asked, even though he was already headed in that direction.
The car stopped in front of Julien's high rise apartment, and he turned to say goodbye to his managers and Yunho, all of whom waved back. "Relax, okay, Changmin-ah?" Yunho said.
Changmin nodded and then got out of the car, lugging his bag with him. The car drove away, and he turned to head into the building.
***
Fresh out of the shower, Julien knows who to expect when his doorbell rings at 11 at night. He knows he'll find a tired puppy-deer mix, looking at him with doe eyes that silently demand food and showers and sex and cuddles.
What he doesn't expect is a puppy-deer mix that looks like he's about to fall over from exhaustion. His eyes are red, the shadows under them more prominent than he's ever seen.
"Changmin-ah?"
Concern laces his brows as he pulls Changmin inside and closes the door behind him. Changmin doesn't say anything, only brings his arms up to wrap around Julien, head buried in his chest.
Julien is a little surprised, but circles his own arms around Changmin's waist, hugging him close. He knows something is wrong, but if the past month has taught him anything about Changmin, it's that the younger man doesn't reveal anything until he's ready to, and then Julien can prod.
So he waits, and kisses Changmin's temples, his cheeks, his ear, his neck. He feels Changmin relax in his hold, breath warm against his neck. "What's wrong?" he asks softly.
"Tired," Changmin mumbles, rubbing his nose in his neck and breathing deeply. "You smell nice."
Julien smiles, and then tugs Changmin's head back a bit. Changmin protests weakly, but when Julien meets his lips with his own, he quiets down and presses closer. His eyes are closed, and Julien is pretty sure it's not out of a desire to be romantic or whatever, but really because the younger man couldn't even keep his eyes open. He smiles into the kiss as Changmin kisses him, almost mindlessly. He keeps his eyes open, not wanting to miss even a moment with the younger man.
After a few moments, he breaks away, but Changmin's lips try to follow him. When he meets nothing but air, he lets his head fall back into Julien's neck, lips pressing against the warm skin. Julien shivers, and nudges his cheek with his nose. "Have you eaten?"
"Yeah, wanna shower and sleep," Changmin murmurs.
So Julien picks him up, and Changmin wraps his arms and legs around him, resting his forehead on Julien's shoulder. Julien continues to press kisses against his neck as he carries him into the bathroom.
"Didn't you already shower?" Changmin asks sleepily.
"Yeah, but I don't want you falling asleep in here," Julien replies as he strips Changmin out of his sweaty practice clothes, and then himself.
"Sure, you just want another excuse to touch me," Changmin says, sounding strangely smug for someone who was about to fall over a few minutes ago.
And yeah, he's right, but Julien won't tell him that. He just scowls at him instead. Changmin smirks back, so Julien pushes him towards the shower.
He makes no protests as he is led into the shower. He leans against the tiles and closes his eyes, waiting as Julien adjusts the water temperature and then pulls him carefully under the spray.
Julien starts at his hair, letting the water wet it thoroughly before shampooing it, hands rubbing gently against his scalp. Changmin lets out a pleased sound and Julien smiles.
"You know," Julien murmurs, hands still massaging his scalp, "you still haven't apologized."
Changmin opens an eye and peers at him curiously. "For what?"
"For flicking me."
Changmin closes his eye again under the spray, smiling. He doesn't say anything more, and Julien knows as well as he does that he's still using that flimsy excuse to keep him around. The both of them know what it's really about, that as long as they pretend Julien still wants an apology, they can keep doing whatever it is they're doing. Neither of them know what their relationhip is anymore, but that doesn't mean they want it to stop. He doesn't want to think about the day Changmin apologizes, and then he'll truly have no excuse to keep him close. At least, Julien muses, as long as Changmin doesn't apologize, it means that Changmin doesn't want to leave either. Maybe he will one day, but it's not today, so Julien will leave the worry for another day.
Changmin leans heavily into him, barely keeping on his feet, and it's not a problem until Julien tries to soap him.
"Changminnie, move a bit so I can soap you," he says, trying to pull Changmin away from him a bit.
"No," Changmin whines, pressing closer and circling his arms around him.
Julien rolls his eyes and pulls him a bit more firmly. Changmin detaches from his body and leans against the tiles again, out of the shower spray, but gives him a glare for good measure. Julien just kisses him and continues touching him with soapy hands all over.
His hands trail down to Changmin's cock, stroking it lightly before moving down to his balls, watching him. Changmin's eyes open and he groans, hand stopping Julien's from continuing his ministrations there. "Too tired for this, Julien."
Julien chuckles. "Okay pretty boy."
He pulls him under the spray again and lets the water wash the suds away and runs hands over him again. Once all the soap has been washed away, he decreases the pressure of the spray so it's falling a bit more gently and turns back to gather Changmin in his arms.
"Such a gorgeous boy," he murmurs into Changmin's hair, hands stroking his wet sides. He's already clean now, but the warmth of the shower combined with the heat of Changmin's body is making it hard to leave. Just for a little longer, he wants to stay with Changmin in their warm bubble, completely content.
Changmin looks up at his words, and manages to smile sleepily at him. He brings his hands up to cup his face, pulling him down gently to kiss him under the soft spray. Julien licks at his lips hungrily, unable to get enough of the man. Those plush lips seemed made for kissing and biting and sucking on. So he does all of that, eliciting moans from the younger man that he eagerly swallows.
Changmin's fingers slide into his wet hair, and Julien thinks its the most pleasant feeling in the world, the way Changmin's soft hands are pressing softly against his head as he presses their lips together.
He pulls away to breath, dazed, and Changmin smirks at him. Julien nips his bottom lip one more time, and then turns the shower off. Changmin is immediately clinging to him, complaining about the cold.
Julien laughs and kisses him, taking him out of the shower where he dries him from head to toe and then dresses him in clean clothes. Changmin is back to being lifeless and sleepy, not even bothering to make the whole process easier. Julien has to pinch him to get him to lift his legs so he can put sweatpants on him, and although Changmin lifts his legs, he smacks Julien's shoulder in revenge.
As he is getting back up, he presses a trail of kisses from his navel, up and up, all the way to his throat and lips. Changmin smiles at him, gaze full of something Julien is hesitant to name. Julien picks him up instead and slings him over his shoulders like a sack. Changmin must be really tired, Julien muses as he carries him to his bedroom, because he doesn't even complain, resigning himself to his fate and swinging his arms as if dead. Julien chuckles and slaps his ass, drawing an indignant noise from him, and Changmin retaliates by slapping his.
Julien would like to pinch his pert butt for being such a brat, but he knows Changmin will just pinch him back so he does nothing, instead dumping him on the bed.
Changmin bounces on it, looking surprised, but then he flops back and takes all the space, seemingly too tired to fight anymore. Which is a shame, really, as he rather likes it when the brat fights back both verbally and physically.
"Get on your stomach," Julien orders as he rummages in a drawer for massage oil.
Finding what he needs, he turns to find Changmin looking at him with a pout. Really, the man's mood swings between biting his head off and then pouting him off the planet were making him dizzy. "I don't wanna have sex! I wanna sleep!"
Julien crawls on top of him and kisses his pouting lips. "I know baby, let me give you a massage."
Changmin brightens considerably, making Julien's heart flip. God, he had missed that smile. Julien kisses him again just for unleashing that mismatched smile.
Changmin rolls over, limbs splayed as he waits for Julien. Julien sits next to him cross legged as he poured the sweet scented oil into his hands before bringing his hands to Changmin wrists.
Changmin watches him with curiousity, but stays quiet, eyes heavy lidded.
Gently, Julien starts massaging his wrists, planning on starting there and moving to the rest of his body. He knows Changmin works too hard, and his muscles must be aching from dancing and moving around all day. He moves his thumbs in small circles, pressing gently.
Slowly, he moves up his arm, never stopping his thumb's motion. When he reaches Changmin's bicep, Changmin groans, eyes closing, so Julien continues massaging that area until he works out all the knots.
He shifts closer and moves onto his shoulders, where Changmin lets out more groans, never opening his eyes. "Ah, hyung, that hurts."
"It's alright, I'll fix it," he murmurs into his ears. Changmin makes a sound of pleasure as he continues to work his fingers there.
With the same meticulous care, he moves to his other arm, and then down his smooth back, careful to relieve him of the tension and oiling his hands whenever there's no oil left to work into Changmin's skin.
By the time Julien reaches his lower back, Changmin is fast asleep, breathing deeply. Julien stops what he's doing and gazes at him for a while, awestruck by how beautiful Changmin is, even in his exhausted state. Huge Bambi eyes that he lost himself in, high cheekbones, luscious lips, a breathtaking smile. His features themselves were ordinary, but when they were brought together like that, they created the masterpiece that Julien saw right now, that he could spend an eternity looking at.
Changmin was an Adonis bought to life, a marble statue sculpted by skilled hands and then breathed life into. Julien knew he was lucky to have even met the man. That such a precious human being would allow Julien to become his lover was something Julien still couldn't wrap his head around.
Yes, he knew he was lucky, but oh so unfortunate to fall in love with the man hundreds of thousands of hearts yearned for.
And Changmin, sweet, oblivious, naive Changmin, seemed to have no idea how deep his feelings ran. Oh Julien was sure Changmin knew about his feelings, on some level, but he would never truly understand how Julien desired him beyond simple fuck buddies.
Julien sighed, shaking himself out of his unpleasant thoughts, and went back to massaging Changmin. He wouldn't feel it, of course, but Julien knows that when he wakes up tomorrow morning he'll feel infinitely less sore.
He kneads his buttocks, down to the back of his thighs and then his calf and shins.
When he's done, he gets up slowly so as not to wake him and then gets ready for bed.
By the time he's ready, it's passed 12:30, having spent the better part of an hour massaging him. He gets into bed, turning Changmin gently onto his side. He's careful with him, but Changmin seems dead to the world and doesn't shift at all.
Sighing, Julien wraps his arms around him and kisses his neck. "I love you, Changminnie."
***
Julien dreams of wonderful scents and milky skin and soft hands, charming smiles and sweet lips, and he finds that his reality isn't that much different.
***
He wakes to a warm body burrowing closer to him. His eyes open to a mess of black locks under his chin, long arms around his waist.
Rays of sunshine slip passed the gauzy white curtains, reaching inside to carress the floppy haired puppy in Julien's bed and currently tucked into him. Julien squints against the light and resolves to buy heavier curtains.
"Changmin-ah?" His voice is rough with sleep and only slightly confused.
His bedfellow stops fidgeting and opens his eyes to look up at him with a sheepish smile. Seems like he's been awake for a while, Julien thinks. "Good morning," he says to him, grinning.
Julien smiles back automatically, pleased to see Changmin looks happier than last night. He lifts a hand to his face, pushing strands of hair out of his eyes and then ruffling it. "Feeling better?"
"Yes, much better," Changmin answers, leaning up to kiss his jaw. "Thanks."
Julien hums in answer, stroking his hands up and down Changmin's side, eyes closing of their own accord while Changmin continues to press kisses all over his jaw and neck.
He's enjoying the attention when Changmin stops and moves to lie on top of him. "Julien, wake up now," Changmin singsongs, tugging his ears lightly.
"Leave me alone," Julien mumbles, moving his head to the side to stop Changmin from touching his ears. He doesn't want him to leave him alone, but he knows Changmin hates it when he doesn't have Julien's complete attention on him and begins to pout excessively. Knowing the amount of sulking taking place above him, Julien enjoys teasing him
even more.
"But Julien~, it's already ten! Wake up now!"
The brat won't stop tugging his ears and trying to pry his eyelids open. He pinches his ass to make him stop, and Changmin jolts slightly from surprise before making an indignant sound and getting up to straddle him.
He still refuses to open his eyes, knowing he is annoying Changmin with his lack of a response and taking immense satisfaction from it. He hears shuffling above him and then Changmin's hands are slipping under his shirt.
"Come on, Julien, open your eyes."
Julien doesn't, pretending not to hear him.
He can practically hear Changmin pouting and scowling, and tries not to grin from glee.
Changmin suddenly takes his hand and moves them to lay on naked skin. This, at last, makes him curious enough to open his eyes.
And then he's wide awake.
Changmin is sitting on top of him with no shirt on, bright eyed, and it was his hips Julien found his hands on.
"Oh now you wake up. How come you only ever want to have sex, you pervert," Changmin grumbles.
He knows Changmin doesn't mean it, but the comment stings more than it should, and his whole mood shifts. Is that really how Changmin sees him? As only wanting sex from him? After all the time they spent together, after Changmin's clothes began to appear in his closets and his toothbrush in his bathroom, all of Changmin's favorite foods in his fridge, how could Changmin still think this was just about the sex?
He's snapped out of his thoughts by Changmin's voice. "Julien? What's wrong?" Changmin is watching him carefully, picking up on his mood shift.
Julien tries to smile. "Nothing. You were saying something?"
Changmin doesn't let it go easily though. "Are you okay?" he asks, and his voice is full of concern and something else he can't quite put a finger on.
"Yeah, sorry," Julien replies, cupping the back of his head and pulling him down for a kiss.
It would've been nice, except both of them just woke up, and so their breaths smell like something died in their mouths.
Changmin pulls away after a second. "Ugh, your breath stinks," he says, making a face.
"So does yours," Julien answers back easily, grinning at him. It was just a light touch, but he already feels somewhat better. Depressing thoughs are for when Changmin is away from him, not when he is sitting on top of him half naked.
As if to prove his point, Changmin grinds down on him, watching his face. Julien groans, not expecting it.
Changmin leans down close, and practically purrs into his ear, "Julien, I wanna ride you."
Julien shivers involuntarily at his words, cock twitching. Changmin rises on his knees and, grinning, shoves his boxers and sweatpants down, twisting to throw them off.
Naked, he goes back to straddling Julien. He's smiling like a cheschire cat, and Julien can't help but grin at the brat. "Well, get the lube, then."
Changmin scowls at his commanding tone, but leans over to grab the lube from the nightstand. He's stretched deliciously on top of him, and it takes a lot of self control not to touch him.
Changmin settles on him again, popping open the lube. Julien bends one arm back to rest his head on and offers his other hand to Changmin, letting him decide how many fingers he wants, completely content to just watch. Changmin lubes three, and then brings his hand to his hole, nudging one finger inside himself.
He sinks down on the digit, shuddering and then letting out a groan, head thrown back. Julien watches as he lifts himself and then comes back down, fucking himself on his finger and exposing his neck for Julien to see. He resists the urge to surge up and bite his neck, mark him all over. He does nothing, not even trying to search for Changmin's sweet spot. He much prefers to watch Changmin chase his own pleasure.
His cock is becoming half hard just from hearing the delicious sounds that fall from Changmin's lips. Changmin looks back down, eyes a little glazed, and Julien obliges the silent request by sliding a second finger in.
Changmin squeezes his eyes shut, and then rides his fingers again. Julien scissors his fingers to help the process along, cock impatient. Before long he shoves a third finger in and Changmin gasps, clutching his shoulders as he fucks himself harder.
"Oh, Julien...," he moans, nails digging into Julien's shoulders. The pain is just exciting him even more, cock spilling precum and pressing insisitantly against the crack of Changmin's ass.
When Changmin's moans become too much, he stays his hips and slips his fingers out. Changmin makes a sound of protest, but Julien quickly lifts him up and back, right over his cock. Changmin makes an eager sound and his cock twitches.
Taking his cock in hand, Julien guides it to Changmin's hole and waits for him to sink down. Changmin does, with a moan of Julien's name that has him trying not to come. Changmin is so delicious around him, all tight heat that encloses around him.
Inch by inch, Changmin brings himself down on Julien's hard cock, hands still clutching his shoulders. "Fuck fuck fuck so big."
Once seated on Julien, his cock nestled deep inside, he stops, panting, adjusting to him. Julien resists the urge to thrust up, instead running his hands up and down his sides as he waits for Changmin to be ready.
When he is, Changmin rolls his hips once, and it is so good Julien feels shocks of pleasure shoot up his whole body. Changmin lifts his body and comes back down hard, taking him all the way in. He does it again, almost letting Julien's cock slip out of him.
His rhythm is hard and fast and he may be the one with the cock up his ass, but he's most definately the one in control. Julien tries to thrust up, but Changmin pushes his hips down and keeps his hands there.
So Julien lies back and lets Changmin do what he wants. The pressure around his cock is almost too much, he wants to come right now, but doesn't. Every clench of Changmin's muscles fill his mind with a white haze, pleasure thrumming from his cock all the way to his toes, making them curl, before racing up his body and exploding in his head. He's not aware of what he's saying, curses and praise falling from his lips in equal measure. Above him Changmin is just as gone as he is, no longer coherant and rambling about how big Julien's cock is, how good it fills him up.
Changmin shifts, and the angle of Julien's cock in him changes and it's stabbing against that spot. Changmin screams, grip verging on painful. His fingernails were digging into his skin, and Julien is sure he has drawn blood. He doesn't care though, wants to be marked by Changmin in every way even if it hurts him.
He snakes his hands into Changmin's hair and pulls him down, capturing his bottom lip between his teeth and biting down. Changmin whimpers into his mouth, never stopping his hips. "Changmin, Changmin, Changmin," he chants, and it's a lifeline keeping him alive, keeping him sane.
He moves his lips down and bites his collarbone, biting and then suckling it, making sure the bruise will be there. Changmin usually protests against love bites, saying people will see him, but he doesn't say anything this time, only whimpers and moans.
"Julien, touch me," he breathes into his neck.
Julien immediately snakes his hand between their bodies, wrapping it firmly around Changmin's hot cock. He strokes fast and hard, grip tight. Changmin lets out a choked scream of Julien's name before shuddering and spilling between them, hot spunk landing on Julien's hand and both their stomachs.
His sporadic clenching around Julien's cock has him groaning and he thrusts up. A couple times is all it takes before he's emptying into Changmin. Changmin continues to clench around him, and it's too much for his oversensative cock.
"Changmin..." he says, voice strangled. They lay together for long moments, catching their breaths. Changmin shifts and kisses his jaw lazily, eyes closed. Julien hums in pleasure, unable to think of anything better than being able to wake up to a bright eyed and content Changmin and morning sex.
"We should get up," he murmurs, even though he can't find a single bone in his body that would listen.
"No, I think we should stay like this forever," Changmin says against his neck.
Julien's heart flips at his words, and then he smiles. "With my cock in you?"
"Can't think of a better place for it."
Julien laughs out loud, and wants nothing more than to kiss Changmin thoroughly.
So he does.
Changmin can apologize another day.
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His entire body aches. It always ached, he's become used to it, but he's reached the end of his rope and wants to curl up and cry and sleep for a couple years.
Filming Cool Kiz, filming his drama, practicing for their comeback, preparing for concerts. There were too many things to do, and the only way to keep up was to push himself beyond the limit. He's done that before, but he felt much more cynical about it this time than he ever had before.
One day of rest. That's all he wanted. One day to relax, to pop open a couple beers and stuff his face with food. To watch mindless garbage on TV, have sex till he couldn't think.
And he was finally getting it. A whole 18 hours to himself. They had meetings tomorrow, early in the morning, but Yunho had seen his exhaustion and his slowly worsening temper, and told him to take a break. He would attend the meetings alone, take care of everything that needed taking care of, and Changmin could go home and take a breather till their flight to Japan at 5 in the evening tomorrow.
Changmin had protested, said he didn't have to do anything alone, but Yunho firmly told him everything was fine, and that Changmin should go unwind with Julien.
At that Changmin had smiled gratefully, if a little weakly, and Yunho had just squeezed his shoulder, smiling back.
That was how he found himself in their car, Yunho talking to their managers about nothing in particular, while he sat quietly and stared out the window, too tired to talk, but happy all the same. Thinking about Julien always made him happy and warm.
"Changmin-ah, should I drop you off at Julien's?" their manager asked from the driver's seat.
He replied with a yes, and then chuckled to himself. He spent so much of his free time there, all of his managers, even Yunho's, knew where Julien lived, and recently some of them had stopped even asking Changmin where he wanted to go. This hyung still asked, even though he was already headed in that direction.
The car stopped in front of Julien's high rise apartment, and he turned to say goodbye to his managers and Yunho, all of whom waved back. "Relax, okay, Changmin-ah?" Yunho said.
Changmin nodded and then got out of the car, lugging his bag with him. The car drove away, and he turned to head into the building.
***
Fresh out of the shower, Julien knows who to expect when his doorbell rings at 11 at night. He knows he'll find a tired puppy-deer mix, looking at him with doe eyes that silently demand food and showers and sex and cuddles.
What he doesn't expect is a puppy-deer mix that looks like he's about to fall over from exhaustion. His eyes are red, the shadows under them more prominent than he's ever seen.
"Changmin-ah?"
Concern laces his brows as he pulls Changmin inside and closes the door behind him. Changmin doesn't say anything, only brings his arms up to wrap around Julien, head buried in his chest.
Julien is a little surprised, but circles his own arms around Changmin's waist, hugging him close. He knows something is wrong, but if the past month has taught him anything about Changmin, it's that the younger man doesn't reveal anything until he's ready to, and then Julien can prod.
So he waits, and kisses Changmin's temples, his cheeks, his ear, his neck. He feels Changmin relax in his hold, breath warm against his neck. "What's wrong?" he asks softly.
"Tired," Changmin mumbles, rubbing his nose in his neck and breathing deeply. "You smell nice."
Julien smiles, and then tugs Changmin's head back a bit. Changmin protests weakly, but when Julien meets his lips with his own, he quiets down and presses closer. His eyes are closed, and Julien is pretty sure it's not out of a desire to be romantic or whatever, but really because the younger man couldn't even keep his eyes open. He smiles into the kiss as Changmin kisses him, almost mindlessly. He keeps his eyes open, not wanting to miss even a moment with the younger man.
After a few moments, he breaks away, but Changmin's lips try to follow him. When he meets nothing but air, he lets his head fall back into Julien's neck, lips pressing against the warm skin. Julien shivers, and nudges his cheek with his nose. "Have you eaten?"
"Yeah, wanna shower and sleep," Changmin murmurs.
So Julien picks him up, and Changmin wraps his arms and legs around him, resting his forehead on Julien's shoulder. Julien continues to press kisses against his neck as he carries him into the bathroom.
"Didn't you already shower?" Changmin asks sleepily.
"Yeah, but I don't want you falling asleep in here," Julien replies as he strips Changmin out of his sweaty practice clothes, and then himself.
"Sure, you just want another excuse to touch me," Changmin says, sounding strangely smug for someone who was about to fall over a few minutes ago.
And yeah, he's right, but Julien won't tell him that. He just scowls at him instead. Changmin smirks back, so Julien pushes him towards the shower.
He makes no protests as he is led into the shower. He leans against the tiles and closes his eyes, waiting as Julien adjusts the water temperature and then pulls him carefully under the spray.
Julien starts at his hair, letting the water wet it thoroughly before shampooing it, hands rubbing gently against his scalp. Changmin lets out a pleased sound and Julien smiles.
"You know," Julien murmurs, hands still massaging his scalp, "you still haven't apologized."
Changmin opens an eye and peers at him curiously. "For what?"
"For flicking me."
Changmin closes his eye again under the spray, smiling. He doesn't say anything more, and Julien knows as well as he does that he's still using that flimsy excuse to keep him around. The both of them know what it's really about, that as long as they pretend Julien still wants an apology, they can keep doing whatever it is they're doing. Neither of them know what their relationhip is anymore, but that doesn't mean they want it to stop. He doesn't want to think about the day Changmin apologizes, and then he'll truly have no excuse to keep him close. At least, Julien muses, as long as Changmin doesn't apologize, it means that Changmin doesn't want to leave either. Maybe he will one day, but it's not today, so Julien will leave the worry for another day.
Changmin leans heavily into him, barely keeping on his feet, and it's not a problem until Julien tries to soap him.
"Changminnie, move a bit so I can soap you," he says, trying to pull Changmin away from him a bit.
"No," Changmin whines, pressing closer and circling his arms around him.
Julien rolls his eyes and pulls him a bit more firmly. Changmin detaches from his body and leans against the tiles again, out of the shower spray, but gives him a glare for good measure. Julien just kisses him and continues touching him with soapy hands all over.
His hands trail down to Changmin's cock, stroking it lightly before moving down to his balls, watching him. Changmin's eyes open and he groans, hand stopping Julien's from continuing his ministrations there. "Too tired for this, Julien."
Julien chuckles. "Okay pretty boy."
He pulls him under the spray again and lets the water wash the suds away and runs hands over him again. Once all the soap has been washed away, he decreases the pressure of the spray so it's falling a bit more gently and turns back to gather Changmin in his arms.
"Such a gorgeous boy," he murmurs into Changmin's hair, hands stroking his wet sides. He's already clean now, but the warmth of the shower combined with the heat of Changmin's body is making it hard to leave. Just for a little longer, he wants to stay with Changmin in their warm bubble, completely content.
Changmin looks up at his words, and manages to smile sleepily at him. He brings his hands up to cup his face, pulling him down gently to kiss him under the soft spray. Julien licks at his lips hungrily, unable to get enough of the man. Those plush lips seemed made for kissing and biting and sucking on. So he does all of that, eliciting moans from the younger man that he eagerly swallows.
Changmin's fingers slide into his wet hair, and Julien thinks its the most pleasant feeling in the world, the way Changmin's soft hands are pressing softly against his head as he presses their lips together.
He pulls away to breath, dazed, and Changmin smirks at him. Julien nips his bottom lip one more time, and then turns the shower off. Changmin is immediately clinging to him, complaining about the cold.
Julien laughs and kisses him, taking him out of the shower where he dries him from head to toe and then dresses him in clean clothes. Changmin is back to being lifeless and sleepy, not even bothering to make the whole process easier. Julien has to pinch him to get him to lift his legs so he can put sweatpants on him, and although Changmin lifts his legs, he smacks Julien's shoulder in revenge.
As he is getting back up, he presses a trail of kisses from his navel, up and up, all the way to his throat and lips. Changmin smiles at him, gaze full of something Julien is hesitant to name. Julien picks him up instead and slings him over his shoulders like a sack. Changmin must be really tired, Julien muses as he carries him to his bedroom, because he doesn't even complain, resigning himself to his fate and swinging his arms as if dead. Julien chuckles and slaps his ass, drawing an indignant noise from him, and Changmin retaliates by slapping his.
Julien would like to pinch his pert butt for being such a brat, but he knows Changmin will just pinch him back so he does nothing, instead dumping him on the bed.
Changmin bounces on it, looking surprised, but then he flops back and takes all the space, seemingly too tired to fight anymore. Which is a shame, really, as he rather likes it when the brat fights back both verbally and physically.
"Get on your stomach," Julien orders as he rummages in a drawer for massage oil.
Finding what he needs, he turns to find Changmin looking at him with a pout. Really, the man's mood swings between biting his head off and then pouting him off the planet were making him dizzy. "I don't wanna have sex! I wanna sleep!"
Julien crawls on top of him and kisses his pouting lips. "I know baby, let me give you a massage."
Changmin brightens considerably, making Julien's heart flip. God, he had missed that smile. Julien kisses him again just for unleashing that mismatched smile.
Changmin rolls over, limbs splayed as he waits for Julien. Julien sits next to him cross legged as he poured the sweet scented oil into his hands before bringing his hands to Changmin wrists.
Changmin watches him with curiousity, but stays quiet, eyes heavy lidded.
Gently, Julien starts massaging his wrists, planning on starting there and moving to the rest of his body. He knows Changmin works too hard, and his muscles must be aching from dancing and moving around all day. He moves his thumbs in small circles, pressing gently.
Slowly, he moves up his arm, never stopping his thumb's motion. When he reaches Changmin's bicep, Changmin groans, eyes closing, so Julien continues massaging that area until he works out all the knots.
He shifts closer and moves onto his shoulders, where Changmin lets out more groans, never opening his eyes. "Ah, hyung, that hurts."
"It's alright, I'll fix it," he murmurs into his ears. Changmin makes a sound of pleasure as he continues to work his fingers there.
With the same meticulous care, he moves to his other arm, and then down his smooth back, careful to relieve him of the tension and oiling his hands whenever there's no oil left to work into Changmin's skin.
By the time Julien reaches his lower back, Changmin is fast asleep, breathing deeply. Julien stops what he's doing and gazes at him for a while, awestruck by how beautiful Changmin is, even in his exhausted state. Huge Bambi eyes that he lost himself in, high cheekbones, luscious lips, a breathtaking smile. His features themselves were ordinary, but when they were brought together like that, they created the masterpiece that Julien saw right now, that he could spend an eternity looking at.
Changmin was an Adonis bought to life, a marble statue sculpted by skilled hands and then breathed life into. Julien knew he was lucky to have even met the man. That such a precious human being would allow Julien to become his lover was something Julien still couldn't wrap his head around.
Yes, he knew he was lucky, but oh so unfortunate to fall in love with the man hundreds of thousands of hearts yearned for.
And Changmin, sweet, oblivious, naive Changmin, seemed to have no idea how deep his feelings ran. Oh Julien was sure Changmin knew about his feelings, on some level, but he would never truly understand how Julien desired him beyond simple fuck buddies.
Julien sighed, shaking himself out of his unpleasant thoughts, and went back to massaging Changmin. He wouldn't feel it, of course, but Julien knows that when he wakes up tomorrow morning he'll feel infinitely less sore.
He kneads his buttocks, down to the back of his thighs and then his calf and shins.
When he's done, he gets up slowly so as not to wake him and then gets ready for bed.
By the time he's ready, it's passed 12:30, having spent the better part of an hour massaging him. He gets into bed, turning Changmin gently onto his side. He's careful with him, but Changmin seems dead to the world and doesn't shift at all.
Sighing, Julien wraps his arms around him and kisses his neck. "I love you, Changminnie."
***
Julien dreams of wonderful scents and milky skin and soft hands, charming smiles and sweet lips, and he finds that his reality isn't that much different.
***
He wakes to a warm body burrowing closer to him. His eyes open to a mess of black locks under his chin, long arms around his waist.
Rays of sunshine slip passed the gauzy white curtains, reaching inside to carress the floppy haired puppy in Julien's bed and currently tucked into him. Julien squints against the light and resolves to buy heavier curtains.
"Changmin-ah?" His voice is rough with sleep and only slightly confused.
His bedfellow stops fidgeting and opens his eyes to look up at him with a sheepish smile. Seems like he's been awake for a while, Julien thinks. "Good morning," he says to him, grinning.
Julien smiles back automatically, pleased to see Changmin looks happier than last night. He lifts a hand to his face, pushing strands of hair out of his eyes and then ruffling it. "Feeling better?"
"Yes, much better," Changmin answers, leaning up to kiss his jaw. "Thanks."
Julien hums in answer, stroking his hands up and down Changmin's side, eyes closing of their own accord while Changmin continues to press kisses all over his jaw and neck.
He's enjoying the attention when Changmin stops and moves to lie on top of him. "Julien, wake up now," Changmin singsongs, tugging his ears lightly.
"Leave me alone," Julien mumbles, moving his head to the side to stop Changmin from touching his ears. He doesn't want him to leave him alone, but he knows Changmin hates it when he doesn't have Julien's complete attention on him and begins to pout excessively. Knowing the amount of sulking taking place above him, Julien enjoys teasing him
even more.
"But Julien~, it's already ten! Wake up now!"
The brat won't stop tugging his ears and trying to pry his eyelids open. He pinches his ass to make him stop, and Changmin jolts slightly from surprise before making an indignant sound and getting up to straddle him.
He still refuses to open his eyes, knowing he is annoying Changmin with his lack of a response and taking immense satisfaction from it. He hears shuffling above him and then Changmin's hands are slipping under his shirt.
"Come on, Julien, open your eyes."
Julien doesn't, pretending not to hear him.
He can practically hear Changmin pouting and scowling, and tries not to grin from glee.
Changmin suddenly takes his hand and moves them to lay on naked skin. This, at last, makes him curious enough to open his eyes.
And then he's wide awake.
Changmin is sitting on top of him with no shirt on, bright eyed, and it was his hips Julien found his hands on.
"Oh now you wake up. How come you only ever want to have sex, you pervert," Changmin grumbles.
He knows Changmin doesn't mean it, but the comment stings more than it should, and his whole mood shifts. Is that really how Changmin sees him? As only wanting sex from him? After all the time they spent together, after Changmin's clothes began to appear in his closets and his toothbrush in his bathroom, all of Changmin's favorite foods in his fridge, how could Changmin still think this was just about the sex?
He's snapped out of his thoughts by Changmin's voice. "Julien? What's wrong?" Changmin is watching him carefully, picking up on his mood shift.
Julien tries to smile. "Nothing. You were saying something?"
Changmin doesn't let it go easily though. "Are you okay?" he asks, and his voice is full of concern and something else he can't quite put a finger on.
"Yeah, sorry," Julien replies, cupping the back of his head and pulling him down for a kiss.
It would've been nice, except both of them just woke up, and so their breaths smell like something died in their mouths.
Changmin pulls away after a second. "Ugh, your breath stinks," he says, making a face.
"So does yours," Julien answers back easily, grinning at him. It was just a light touch, but he already feels somewhat better. Depressing thoughs are for when Changmin is away from him, not when he is sitting on top of him half naked.
As if to prove his point, Changmin grinds down on him, watching his face. Julien groans, not expecting it.
Changmin leans down close, and practically purrs into his ear, "Julien, I wanna ride you."
Julien shivers involuntarily at his words, cock twitching. Changmin rises on his knees and, grinning, shoves his boxers and sweatpants down, twisting to throw them off.
Naked, he goes back to straddling Julien. He's smiling like a cheschire cat, and Julien can't help but grin at the brat. "Well, get the lube, then."
Changmin scowls at his commanding tone, but leans over to grab the lube from the nightstand. He's stretched deliciously on top of him, and it takes a lot of self control not to touch him.
Changmin settles on him again, popping open the lube. Julien bends one arm back to rest his head on and offers his other hand to Changmin, letting him decide how many fingers he wants, completely content to just watch. Changmin lubes three, and then brings his hand to his hole, nudging one finger inside himself.
He sinks down on the digit, shuddering and then letting out a groan, head thrown back. Julien watches as he lifts himself and then comes back down, fucking himself on his finger and exposing his neck for Julien to see. He resists the urge to surge up and bite his neck, mark him all over. He does nothing, not even trying to search for Changmin's sweet spot. He much prefers to watch Changmin chase his own pleasure.
His cock is becoming half hard just from hearing the delicious sounds that fall from Changmin's lips. Changmin looks back down, eyes a little glazed, and Julien obliges the silent request by sliding a second finger in.
Changmin squeezes his eyes shut, and then rides his fingers again. Julien scissors his fingers to help the process along, cock impatient. Before long he shoves a third finger in and Changmin gasps, clutching his shoulders as he fucks himself harder.
"Oh, Julien...," he moans, nails digging into Julien's shoulders. The pain is just exciting him even more, cock spilling precum and pressing insisitantly against the crack of Changmin's ass.
When Changmin's moans become too much, he stays his hips and slips his fingers out. Changmin makes a sound of protest, but Julien quickly lifts him up and back, right over his cock. Changmin makes an eager sound and his cock twitches.
Taking his cock in hand, Julien guides it to Changmin's hole and waits for him to sink down. Changmin does, with a moan of Julien's name that has him trying not to come. Changmin is so delicious around him, all tight heat that encloses around him.
Inch by inch, Changmin brings himself down on Julien's hard cock, hands still clutching his shoulders. "Fuck fuck fuck so big."
Once seated on Julien, his cock nestled deep inside, he stops, panting, adjusting to him. Julien resists the urge to thrust up, instead running his hands up and down his sides as he waits for Changmin to be ready.
When he is, Changmin rolls his hips once, and it is so good Julien feels shocks of pleasure shoot up his whole body. Changmin lifts his body and comes back down hard, taking him all the way in. He does it again, almost letting Julien's cock slip out of him.
His rhythm is hard and fast and he may be the one with the cock up his ass, but he's most definately the one in control. Julien tries to thrust up, but Changmin pushes his hips down and keeps his hands there.
So Julien lies back and lets Changmin do what he wants. The pressure around his cock is almost too much, he wants to come right now, but doesn't. Every clench of Changmin's muscles fill his mind with a white haze, pleasure thrumming from his cock all the way to his toes, making them curl, before racing up his body and exploding in his head. He's not aware of what he's saying, curses and praise falling from his lips in equal measure. Above him Changmin is just as gone as he is, no longer coherant and rambling about how big Julien's cock is, how good it fills him up.
Changmin shifts, and the angle of Julien's cock in him changes and it's stabbing against that spot. Changmin screams, grip verging on painful. His fingernails were digging into his skin, and Julien is sure he has drawn blood. He doesn't care though, wants to be marked by Changmin in every way even if it hurts him.
He snakes his hands into Changmin's hair and pulls him down, capturing his bottom lip between his teeth and biting down. Changmin whimpers into his mouth, never stopping his hips. "Changmin, Changmin, Changmin," he chants, and it's a lifeline keeping him alive, keeping him sane.
He moves his lips down and bites his collarbone, biting and then suckling it, making sure the bruise will be there. Changmin usually protests against love bites, saying people will see him, but he doesn't say anything this time, only whimpers and moans.
"Julien, touch me," he breathes into his neck.
Julien immediately snakes his hand between their bodies, wrapping it firmly around Changmin's hot cock. He strokes fast and hard, grip tight. Changmin lets out a choked scream of Julien's name before shuddering and spilling between them, hot spunk landing on Julien's hand and both their stomachs.
His sporadic clenching around Julien's cock has him groaning and he thrusts up. A couple times is all it takes before he's emptying into Changmin. Changmin continues to clench around him, and it's too much for his oversensative cock.
"Changmin..." he says, voice strangled. They lay together for long moments, catching their breaths. Changmin shifts and kisses his jaw lazily, eyes closed. Julien hums in pleasure, unable to think of anything better than being able to wake up to a bright eyed and content Changmin and morning sex.
"We should get up," he murmurs, even though he can't find a single bone in his body that would listen.
"No, I think we should stay like this forever," Changmin says against his neck.
Julien's heart flips at his words, and then he smiles. "With my cock in you?"
"Can't think of a better place for it."
Julien laughs out loud, and wants nothing more than to kiss Changmin thoroughly.
So he does.
Changmin can apologize another day.
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