Crazy mixed up feelings...
Idk what I'm feeling right now. Kinna scared, a lil bit happy, mad, confused, sad, depressed, discouraged...like every feeling that you could feel all at once! I really hate it too!
Okay so fer starters I gotta job at the Forum. AGAIN I know right?!? But John and I went in there one night ta eat and Sarah was our waitress and so she said somethang about me puttin an app in so I just filled one out right there and of COURSE they called me! Go figure! So yeah I'm working there now. Which it's okay just alla the fuckin beaners keep hittin on me and it's SERIOUSLY REALLY annoying! I'm with John and we havea kid together so why don't they just BACK THE FUCK UP!!! Fer real! Ne who, John gotta job at Admiral so thats cool to that we're BOTH actually working at the same time. First time that's ever happened and we haveta havea sitter fer Jaimin sometimes this week and it makes me feel really sad like we're just diserting him or somethang, I really hate it but we gotta work ta be able ta support him so I hope he understands.
Jaimin turned 4 MONTHS old today! YEAH! He's gettin so fuckin big so fast, but I love it! It's so fun! I love being a mom it's the best in the whole wide world, I wouldn't give it up fer ne thang! He's the BEST thang that has EVER happened ta me in my entire life and now I have somethang ta live everyday for. Like I have someone ta go ta work for and ta wake up every morning for and everythang. I have someone ta worry about other than just me and John and our lame ass problems...
AND speaking of which...thats pretty much the reason why I'm having such crazy mixed up feelings. Like last month almost he was like hey lets get married tomorrow and he was being like FER REAL serious and everythang and I acted like it was no big thang but inside I was like jumping with joy typa thang. Cuz I mean, I really love John and I really wanna be with him and I KNOW I'mma be with him fer a long long long time so why the fuck not get married! It's just such a special thang and he's the only one that I could REALLY see myself with 15 years from now ya know. But we couldn't go and get married because it costes moneys and we didn't have ne at the time, BUT NOW we both have jobs so we could DEFF. get married, and I keep being like oh look at that ring, you could get that one for me and it's not too expensive or like, I like this kinna ring and not this kind ya know droping OBVIOUS hints and he just says yer not gettin shit from me. And I told him the other day that that was really shitty and he was like well I don't wanna get yer hopes up or yer expectations or ne thang and then not come through and disappoint you or ne thang. Thats kinna nice of him but he could find a HELL of a lot nicer way of puttin it ya know! And I don't want him ta just be like hey lets get married here's a ring. I want him ta like get down on one knee and do the whole thang ya know! I mean, it means a lot ta me and he just doesn't get it. And then the other day I said somethang about us being together like 10 years from now and what not and he was like wow, that kinna freaks me out thinking about being with the same person fer 10 years and bluh bluh blah! And I wouldn't even be sad or ne thang bout the marrying thangy but HE'S the one that brought it up HE'S the one that suggested it outta no where and got my hopes up and started making me think about it and stuff. Before that I was just like yeah we might get married someday like when we're 50 or somethang...it just sux so bad.
Later-
Crystal
Okay so fer starters I gotta job at the Forum. AGAIN I know right?!? But John and I went in there one night ta eat and Sarah was our waitress and so she said somethang about me puttin an app in so I just filled one out right there and of COURSE they called me! Go figure! So yeah I'm working there now. Which it's okay just alla the fuckin beaners keep hittin on me and it's SERIOUSLY REALLY annoying! I'm with John and we havea kid together so why don't they just BACK THE FUCK UP!!! Fer real! Ne who, John gotta job at Admiral so thats cool to that we're BOTH actually working at the same time. First time that's ever happened and we haveta havea sitter fer Jaimin sometimes this week and it makes me feel really sad like we're just diserting him or somethang, I really hate it but we gotta work ta be able ta support him so I hope he understands.
Jaimin turned 4 MONTHS old today! YEAH! He's gettin so fuckin big so fast, but I love it! It's so fun! I love being a mom it's the best in the whole wide world, I wouldn't give it up fer ne thang! He's the BEST thang that has EVER happened ta me in my entire life and now I have somethang ta live everyday for. Like I have someone ta go ta work for and ta wake up every morning for and everythang. I have someone ta worry about other than just me and John and our lame ass problems...
AND speaking of which...thats pretty much the reason why I'm having such crazy mixed up feelings. Like last month almost he was like hey lets get married tomorrow and he was being like FER REAL serious and everythang and I acted like it was no big thang but inside I was like jumping with joy typa thang. Cuz I mean, I really love John and I really wanna be with him and I KNOW I'mma be with him fer a long long long time so why the fuck not get married! It's just such a special thang and he's the only one that I could REALLY see myself with 15 years from now ya know. But we couldn't go and get married because it costes moneys and we didn't have ne at the time, BUT NOW we both have jobs so we could DEFF. get married, and I keep being like oh look at that ring, you could get that one for me and it's not too expensive or like, I like this kinna ring and not this kind ya know droping OBVIOUS hints and he just says yer not gettin shit from me. And I told him the other day that that was really shitty and he was like well I don't wanna get yer hopes up or yer expectations or ne thang and then not come through and disappoint you or ne thang. Thats kinna nice of him but he could find a HELL of a lot nicer way of puttin it ya know! And I don't want him ta just be like hey lets get married here's a ring. I want him ta like get down on one knee and do the whole thang ya know! I mean, it means a lot ta me and he just doesn't get it. And then the other day I said somethang about us being together like 10 years from now and what not and he was like wow, that kinna freaks me out thinking about being with the same person fer 10 years and bluh bluh blah! And I wouldn't even be sad or ne thang bout the marrying thangy but HE'S the one that brought it up HE'S the one that suggested it outta no where and got my hopes up and started making me think about it and stuff. Before that I was just like yeah we might get married someday like when we're 50 or somethang...it just sux so bad.
Later-
Crystal